The only other papillon I've ever known had very strange behaviors, too. My friend who owned him took him to the vet and it turned out to be an OCD-like problem. Not saying that's what is going on here, but you may want to ask the vet about this too.

My dog was very scared of men too, she is still skittish but we have made great progress by going at her pace. When men came to our house, and if they were willing, we would hand them treats and ask them to drop them on the floor at their feet when Xena came near them. If they didn't want to do the treat thing we would either just ask them to ignore her or put her in her crate.

When we are out and about and someone wants to pet her, we would ask that they slowly reach out, palm up, and allow her to sniff their hand. Sometimes we had them hold out tasty treats she is highly food motivated so if your dog is too this might work. Once we got to a point in our training that she would allow people to touch her, we asked them to not reach over her head, just under the chin and then the back of her neck and shoulders, since she is head shy.

Xena is very nippy as well. When she gets excited she snaps her jaws at you and if she catches you on accident it's very painful. All I can suggest is to hand him a toy every time he bites as well as a "no bite". It's taking time but Xena is improving.

The other behaviors, I have no experience with and can't comment. I'd say a vet visit and if that all checks out maybe try to find a behaviorist or trainer in your area. I hope everything goes your way and you can help and bond with your dog. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Edit: Xena is a constant licker as well, she licks the air, us, the furniture, the walls, the floor, the doors. I do the same as the nipping, a toy and a "no". It hasn't helped much I'm not sure if that is something you can fix.

 

I wouldn't assume that he was abused or anything. I've met a few just very very fearful papillons and also fearful dogs of many other breeds. Rose is that way and Mia also has some fears. I raised Mia so I know she wasn't abused. Rose did have some trauma in her upbringing but it just took time to build her confidence.

OCD type behaviors are in my experience not uncommon in papillons. It doesn't get talked about as much as say border collies or shelties, but paps all seem to have weird little habits and rituals that they can do over and over and over and self reward. Summer is a circler (counter-clockwise only) and an obsessive licker as well. The licking drives me nuts but the circling I just ignore. With the licking, I ask for an incompatible behavior. For example, her default now is to cover her eyes with her paw. I still have to constantly remind her not to lick and she gets no attention when licking obsessively. Mia is very ritualistic but in other ways- she has certain triggers that will make her go run to spots in the house and bark and scream, for example.

Rose is the really timid one and with her everything in the world is happy happy happy when I'm working with her. If not she shuts down.

Stranger tolerance/fear of kids- generally the breed is very friendly but occasionally there's one that's not. We've had 7 paps and Mia is our only unfriendly one. I do not ever force interaction with her and strangers. She has learned that she works around strangers and has nothing to fear and they won't touch her. Forcing interaction is the worst thing to do. She does not trust people after several meetings and it's ok as long as she trusts me and just ignores everyone else. I have always taken her everywhere and had her enrolled in classes like agility, tricks, CGC, obedience and it has helped a lot.

Dogs and kids can mesh but often don't. I always make sure my dogs have an out when my nieces are around. I don't think you can expect a dog (especially one not raised with kids) to be ok with kids cornering them and making grabby hands at them. Especially toy breeds- even small kids are big comparatively and they move really suddenly and loom over them.... I wouldn't blame a dog for snapping.

As far as aloofness- some paps can be aloof. Most are very velcro but not really cuddly- if that makes sense. Rose is kind of meh about people and wants to do her own thing sometimes. My two follow me around 24/7 but even then Summer either wants to be worked with/petted or she'll go lie down on her spot on the back of the couch. Paps aren't really cuddly dogs for the most part. Of our current five, only one is a cuddler. The rest will come in spurts then generally just hang around the same room.

Where are you located? What training methods do you use? How much exercise is he getting?

Shaping is great. I'd forget all the heirarchy nonsense.

 

One thing to think about would be talking to the vet about anxiety medication if you think it needs to come to that.

I'd try to get him in a class or private lessons with a good trainer, I'd LOAD myself up on treats/fun toys (if he plays) and reward EVERY.SINGLE.POSITIVE.THING he does. All good things come from you from now on. I'd try clicker training and shaping in small spurts through the day- it may be slow at first but it can be a real confidence booster. I'd make sure he's getting lots of positive interaction every day and exercise (they can be very high energy dogs). I'd drop trying to be his 'boss' and I'd re-evaluate my ideas for what my dog should be. I would not force interaction with strangers ever, and would make sure when he's around kids, he gets space to get away/all interactions are very supervised and the kid is gentle.

 

I have never been drawn to breeds that love everyone. When we raised Scottish Terriers, they were friendly with people but did not go out of their way to be a friend to everyone. Now I have the Shih Tzu x Maltese and they are the same way. I know Kiska was probably not as well socialized as she could have been but I found with competing in Agility with her, when she realized people were not going to interact with her, she got way more confident. A lot of people may have thought she had been abused but I raised her and know that is not the case.

Buying your dog at 11 months, if nothing was done to socialize the dog, it is understandable that it is not friendly with everyone and probably never will be without a lot of work. When I got Monty at 1 year of age, he took almost a year before he would finally take a treat from me. I could drop it on the floor but he would not take it from my hand. He is now 7 years old and is the most lovable dog with me, has been for years now, but still will not go up to anybody, even people he has seen hundreds of times. I just accept him for what he is and would never try and change him.