That's really sad. He loves you.

Try to return the favor, at the very least.


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That is sad.

You WERE his whole world for 2 years. cut the little guy some slack. He loves you and wants to be with you and can't understand why you won't even look at him anymore.

Stop fooling with him completely. Either love him again or just don't fool with him. Don't feed him, don't walk him, don't play with him. Let your parents do that.

 

This is depressing. Dogs are not germy animals. If you are so OCD that you can't even touch your dog, you need to see a therapist. Not having time is not an excuse. I work 4 days a week and have class 5 days a week and have a boyfriend and I'm often tired. My dogs still get walked most nights and Faxon gets a training session every night and I play with and cuddle both every night. This is with me being in class three hours and then work for seven and not getting home until eleven at night. I have no sympathy.

 

First your thread title is wrong, that is not abnormal bonding. He IS bonded to you, just because you stopped caring doesnt mean he can. Dogs makes us their entire world, we are all they have, just because you gave him up doesn't mean that stops, he doesn't get it, he still sees you and wants things to be as they were. They're love doesn't just transfer.

I agree 100% with hollowheaven, either give him the time he is begging for, or don't bother with him at all. I personally can't wrap my mind around how your too busy or too tired that often (Majority of the people on this forum with multiple dogs work, go to school, etc. Yet they somehow manage to find the time.) But if your so convinced you don't, then for the sake of the dog, leave him alone don't make this anymore confusing or difficult than its already been for him

 

What you are doing is cruel. How can you look after a dog for two years and then suddenly say he is too "germy" to even touch or pat. I think you need some therapy.

 

And, I want to be the one to elaborate on the 'therapy' part of what's being said here.

It's likely a serious suggestion. He's no more germy than everything else you touch. He's a little dog who lives inside who apparently doesn't even go out to use the bathroom.

 

Yeah I was dead serious when I suggested you need a therapist. That's not normal. My dog can roll in something dead and I'll still hug her, albeit more gingerly.

 

FACT: Telling someone with OCD that a dog isn't any more germy than the rest of the environment will cure them of their OCD. :/

The bonding isn't "abnormal," no. Dogs don't recognize legal or logistical transfers of ownership, the dog isn't thinking "oh I'm the parents' dog now so I love THEM instead." Having said that, many dogs bond perfectly well with new owners over time. He will probably always remember you, though. Personally I think it's a bit of a stretch to describe the situation as cruel, though.

 

FACT: Telling someone with OCD that a dog isn't any more germy than the rest of the environment will cure them of their OCD. :/

I'm aware of that, which is why I suggested a therapist.

 

Heartbreaking. So much for dogs not being loyal and only caring about getting resources. I feel so sad for the little guy.

 

He's now the parents dog, no? I don't see why it would be suggested that she cut interaction off from the dogs. I don't think she intends it to be "toying" with the dog. I see a person who became emotionally distanced from an animal, but it doesn't mean they are bad, especially seeing as they are no longer the caretaker. The dog was transferred to custody of the parents, but they can't help or change the dog's feelings toward them. I wouldn't take them saying they have almost no time to look at the dog literally either. As far as I read into that, it's figurative in a way. And it's not their dog.

These things happen to people. Some people lose time and must transfer custody of their pet. And I don't think using, intentionally or not, attitudes of what can be perceived as scorn in a situation where OCD, if true, is legitimately an issue. When someone is depressed, too dispirited and discouraged to times to handle what they use to be able to, but they've responsibly transferred ownership of the pet, is it still "cruel?" I read it as someone stating facts, how busy they are, an they just expected the dog to have developed other feelings and were not expecting this. Someone may not have time to give their all to a family member's animal but they can still interact with it at times.

TL;DR - I think the OP was taken too literally at times. Suggesting therapy is good. Using scorn with a potentially real problem of the mind is completely backwards. Little vibes even on the Internet can still impact in big ways.

 

Thanks for the empathy, but it's OK, I can see where they're coming from. I feel bad for the little guy, he's a total sweetie! Actually, reading your reply just made me realize something. I do think I associate him with the happiness that I lost, and it makes me feel bitter when I look at him. I know that sounds horrible. He can't help it. I will discuss this with my doctor. Thank you for the kind words.

 

Yeah I just sought therapy last week, I got my intake done, waiting on my first session. The reason I'm living back home is because of a divorce. I did get really messed up and I've been seeking help. I work 2 jobs, and even though I don't make enough to afford health insurance, I also make too much for any kind of government assistance. I don't ever really touch him, and I've been trying not to get hm confused. I live with my parents who now legally own and care for him. Every time I pass him, he leaps after me and will lick any part of me he can reach. I have to interact with him sometimes, it's part of my "rent". I bath him and clip his nails. He won't stay still for anyone else. No one ever walks him. ALL their other dogs went potty in the backyard, so they cant understand why he can't too. I've actually got a ton of experience with dogs. I used to pet sit and train dogs in high school. I've changed a lot since then, and yes I really do want and need therapy. And I've already taken the firs steps.

I made this account on here seeking help with the potty issues because all they do is yell at him and spank him, and I KNOW that's not the way, but they just won't listen to me.

 

That's all good to hear Good luck with your therapy.

 

I just want to say that I understand what it is like to have OCD. Although I do not suffer from the same kind of OCD as you, Anya, I do know that it's really tough and when you're in the spiral of it, it can be very hard to get out. I commend you on seeking therapy. I hope it is CBT therapy, as that is what helps the most. As for the pup, I do agree that he has bonded with you more than your parents because he has spent such a long time with you. He has grown with you for two years. And he will always love you. I do, however, agree with Melle. You transferred ownership so that he could get what he needed. If you live with your parents, you will run into him at some point. It's unavoidable. I don't feel that you are toying with him either. It is a very tough time for him, no doubt about it, but this is also a tough time for you. And you can't give what you don't have. Be kind to yourself right now. Work on your healing. Understand that by transferring ownership, you did the responsible thing. And once you heal, you WILL be able to have the relationship you once did, should you want that. But you have to heal first. That is step one.

 

I hope it is CBT therapy,

I know the term "CBT therapy" but I'm not exactly sure what that entails. I know that I'll be getting a full evaluation in October before any real counseling can begin, but this is also state funded care for low/no income, and I can't get anything else right now. I am seeking some kind of insurance so that I can get better care.

And once you heal, you WILL be able to have the relationship you once did, should you want that. But you have to heal first. That is step one.

That's encouraging, and I was hoping for this too!

..also them spanking him probably doesn't help anything no wonder he gets so excited when he sees you I would be too. That def needs to be taken care of so he can see your parents in a positive light so it makes that adaption easier

Sadly, I don't think this will happen unless I do something. None of us have ever had a dog that didn't go out on their own, but I knew there had to be a way to fix it. From what I've read, some one is going to have to reteach him where and when by going out with him, and standing with him until he does it and praise him. The only other person who will actually put a leash on him and take him places, is my sister, but she doesn't really live here anymore. She's home a few nights a week, but she does show him as much attention as they do when she's here.

My mother works for the city, and they have her all over the place on second and third shift. She's either sleeping, out shopping, or cleaning/doing laundry, which means Rocky goes into his pen. Mom does love Rocky, but she's really not a dog person at all.
Our last family dog, Lindy the yellow Lab had managed to train my mother. When Lindy wanted a cookie, she would beg to go outside, then refuse to come back in. Mom would always bribe her with a cookie. Lindy had also trained my mom that she would not stop barking unless mom gave her some of that tasty people food, or a treat. Mom's really a cat person, and clueless with dogs. Lindy listened to me, and one sharp call of her name, and she quieted down. I trained Lindy, and I shared equally in her care, but she was Dad's BFF. He's never been as happy since she died, until Rocky came here with me. I think my dad really needs him, so I don't intend to take Rocky back, but I do hope that I can help them work with him when I get better.

My father owns/runs a liquor store, and a private bar catering service. My main full time job, is a part-time combination at both. He works nearly full time at both (sometimes a total of 80 hours a week). Our work hours are anywhere from 830am-12am. When my grandfather retires March/April, I'll have to drop the catering gig, and be at the store full time, but this means less hours and more pay. My car will be paid off by then, so I won't need to work that much either. I'll have more time and more money.

My friends seem to think my family is rich, but we just all work really hard all the time to have nice things.

I personally can't wrap my mind around how your too busy or too tired that often (Majority of the people on this forum with multiple dogs work, go to school, etc. Yet they somehow manage to find the time.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_disorder Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. My set sleeping hours, since I was 10-11, have always been 6am-11am. Even with sleep studies, medication, and hospitalization, If I try to sleep during any other hours, I wake up feeling more tired, and will have mood and behavioral problems. I already deal with BPD http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...NEKmVh4vUsOgnuMUixEijsjlZvAOQ&sig2=LhEUEgg5fUAGrgpogfdqIQ&bvm=bv.51495398,d.cWc, which causes depression, and issues with commitment and abandonment. Neither can be fully cured, only managed at near "normal" levels. The divorce set me way back, and undid several years of successful therapy. What was working for me before, isn't working now, and this is why I am seeking help again. It's hard to find time for him when I'm well rested, and in a good mood where I won't get easily irritated at him for being a dog. I was housewife for the first 5 months I owned him, and was able to take him nearly everywhere with me. I'm sure it really confused him when I had to start working and when I moved without him, and his change in behavior exacerbated my issues. I know it's not his fault. I only just recently reached a level where I can start addressing this and work on fixing it.

My second job is an overnight home business. I'm an artist. I can't have a hyper bouncy little dog in my lap while working with tiny pieces of stone and plastic, sharp wire, and messy wheat based glue that he seems to find tasty. Once the holiday rush is over, I can slow that way down too. I WILL have time for him in the spring, and hopefully by then I'll also have learned a lot from my therapy.

I think that the fact that you still live with him and from the sounds of it do most of the caretaking isn't making the switch go easier. If it were a case of them adopting and going to live with them that would be one thing. Since you're still living with him and taking care of him... nothing has really happened in his mind to have anything change?

No, I really don't care for him. I bathe him and clip his nails, that's a required "chore", as part of my "rent". He just will not sit still for anyone else. He also listens to me completely without question, where as anyone else he tends to be "ADHD" with. I whistle and he's at my side in a second flat no matter where he is or what he is doing, and I snap my fingers once and he's at full attention, or lays down calm and quiet. We've never taught him any commands, but he's known sit/stay/come/speak since we got him at 2 months old. I also never have to actually tell him what I want. I just snap my fingers, and he seems to know. I found that out quite by accident. When I used to pet-sit as a teenager, I also offered help with training basics. I didn't have a clicker, so I would do that instead, and it worked well enough. More often then not, when Rocky is acting up, I get yelled at until I come deal with him, and it's obviously an attempt to get my attention. I really think the potty issue is too.

My parents feed him, let him out, and pen him at night. During the day/evening, they sit with him and cuddle him on the couch, and he's allowed to roam the lower levels of the house during they day whether they're with him or not. The family cat sometimes plays with him too, but she almost never leaves my mom's bed, except at night when everyone else is gone/asleep.

 

Well the reason why he's still attached to you is because you cared for him for 2 years (also fresca it's not about being loyal...he was cared for by the OP for 2 years that's all he knows) it's going to take time for him to get used to the idea of being your parent's dogs instead...also them spanking him probably doesn't help anything no wonder he gets so excited when he sees you I would be too. That def needs to be taken care of so he can see your parents in a positive light so it makes that adaption easier

 

Oh, I didn't see that your parents yell and spank him. I agree with kcomstoc. That needs to be addressed asap.

 

I think that the fact that you still live with him and from the sounds of it do most of the caretaking isn't making the switch go easier.

If it were a case of them adopting and going to live with them that would be one thing. Since you're still living with him and taking care of him... nothing has really happened in his mind to have anything change?

 

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) for OCD is the most effective therapy because it involves Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). The "Exposure" in ERP refers to confronting the thoughts, images, objects, and situations that make a person with OCD anxious. The"Response Prevention" in ERP refers to making a choice not to do a compulsive behavior after coming into contact with the things that make a person with OCD anxious. It can be tough and most people choose not to do this therapy, but I will tell you from experience that this is the best way to gain the skills to overcome any bout of OCD you encounter. For example, for you, an exercise could be (and I'm just guessing here) touching your dog and then not being able to wash your hands. You and your therapist will sit together and measure your anxiety response. At first, if you are like me, it will be high, but as the minutes pass by, it will lessen. And as you keep practicing and practicing, your starting point will be less and less anxious and you will calm down faster and faster to the point where you won't become anxious by it anymore. It takes work, but it's so worth it.

 

It's storming really bad here, and my mom was still sleep. I could hear him downstairs pacing and whining. He's terrified of storms. I'm off today, so I went down there and I held him until my mom woke up. This was after taking him outside before the actual rain started, and standing with him and telling him "Go potty." He did almost immediately. I did have to call him back from the door twice, but once he remembered what that meant, he forgot his fear for a bit because he wanted to make me happy. That deserved half an hour of cuddling. I wrapped him in his blanket, and that helped me to be OK with holding him. He's stinky, but I think it's his blankets and not him. IDK if you've seen all my replies, but another posted made me realize something. I don't think it's OCD, I think I'm associating Rocky with my ex and I get bitter thinking about the life we used to have. Rocky is one the very few good things I still have left. This is the first time in over a year that I've really noticed how much he wants and needs me. I was just too messed up to see the damage that I'd caused him until now.

I still cannot stand being licked though. The sensation itself is very unpleasant to me, and he won't stop unless I hold him firmly in a position that prevents him from doing so. Is that just him, and something I need to get used to, or is there a way I can teach him not to so much?

 

Neither of my dogs lick me because they know I don't like it (they will lick other people!), so it's totally doable. I pretty much just trained it the same way you'd train a dog not to bite. If a dog licked, I'd move my hand away so that it couldn't do it anymore, or get up and leave the room if I had to. I'd also say "no" because my dogs know that "no" means "stop whatever you're doing." My dogs learned very quickly that licking makes me stop patting them or paying attention to them, and they didn't like that, so they stopped licking.

 

Not Rocky. He's quite defiant and tricky about it. If I'm nearby, he *must* lick me. He's been known to engage in a run-by lick. A quick charge, lick, dart. This one time, I was changing my shirt. As I pulled my shirt over my head, he jumped onto the bed while I was blinded, licked, and ran away. He managed to lick my bare right nipple.

 

IDK if anyone is still reading this thread but I wanted to share an update: I've been seeing my Doctor for a few weeks now, and I've made an effort to play with Rocky every day, even if its just 15 minutes. I also try to walk outside with him to potty. I've seen a very good change in him too! He's already calmed down, stopped pooping inside, and now he even seems content to sit with my dad calmly when I come into the room and wait for me to call him over. I guess he just needed to know that I still love him. He seems to be okay now giving and getting equal attention from everyone, and he longer makes any kind of trouble to get attention. I bought him a new toy, which he naps with him his mouth during the day, and a cow Halloween costume which he wore proudly for the 15 minutes we tried it on LOL

To those of you who gave positive and encouraging replies with good advise, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I'd missed my little Rocket, and I just didn't realize it

 

I also missed this thread the first time you posted it, but I just read through it and I am very happy you're making progress. I really hope you and Rocky can continue this progress and get a relationship that works well for you both.

Good luck, and congrats on all your progress.

 

I missed the thread when you originally posted it, but I just wanted to say congratulations!! I hope you (and Rocky) continue to make progress

 

uhm i work 3 jobs ...im never too busy to love something or someone its very sad. perhaps once you get emotionally better and get rid of your depression you can love someone or someanimal again

edit: seems like youre making progress awesome! i was right about the once you get better. keep your chin up

 

Great news. Thanks for the update. Reading the earlier part of the thread, all I could think to myself was "But a loving dog IS a terrific THERAPIST. Maybe the best therapist." I felt like Rocky instinctively *knew* you were going through hard times and, in the tradition of dogs, was putting all his spirit into trying to get through to you and help you. But everyone knows it's often hard to "let go" and let things naturally fix themselves sometimes. For me too! Thanks again for getting back.

 

Thanks again everyone I started to realized a few weeks ago, just like human children, they can't always vocalize it, but they know when "Mommy" isn't OK. He was just trying to figure it out. All he wanted was to know that he wasn't the cause, that I still loved him, and to that end he only needed to be shown. I pat him or give him kind words each time I see him now, and that's enough for him, but he'll gradually be getting more I've also been working on my sleep schedule and finding ways to stay calm when I am tired so that I don't snap at him like I used to. That's a huge factor in all this. I felt horrible getting mad at him for being a dog. When I'm tired, I'm a real meanie. Before, I would instantly get angry at this bouncy dog for hopping in my lap when I didn't want to be touched. Now I think "fuzzy cuddle pillow with built-in warmer". Because at the end of the day, he still loves me no matter what! That is why we share our homes with them!

 

Glad to hear things are looking up for the both of you.