TLDR: We have been perfectly comfortable with the slow progress our extremely reactive, unsocialized adult dog is making, but we have gotten enough comments (mostly from non-dog owners!) that my partner and I are wondering if we're doing enough for her.
We adopted a bonded pair of Pyrenees mixes in February of this year, knowing full well that one was fairly well adjusted and the other was.... not. At all. Baelor is our male and he's got no major issues, especially considering the rough situation they came from, a hoarding/starvation case. They came in skin and bones and while Shae (the female) particularly eats like it's her last meal, neither have any food protection problems.
Shae is timid, extremely fearful, and distrustful of people. She is classic "all bark and no bite;" sometimes it seems like everything terrifies her and she'll alert but I've never once seen any hint that she would lunge, she's never bared her teeth, etc. She just shuts down completely when something really rattles her, eventually it's like she short-circuits and goes full PTSD and just crouches low in the closest corner, at which point we leave her be unless it's like, time for a vet appointment. To be clear, I know how quickly fear can turn to aggression, but just noting we've never actually seen aggressive behavior from her. She's fairly good with other dogs but hates people or any other new "thing."
ETA one important detail: after a few months and feeling like we had a handle on her as a dog, my partner and I (and the vet) all strongly aggreed that the level of baseline stress Shae has is just too much for her (or us) until she settles in more. She is on a very low dose of trazodone, which has been a miracle in terms of calming her just a tad while not doing anything to change her personality.
We've had other poorly socialized dogs and are familiar with confidence training, so that's what we've been doing for months. None of our past dogs have been as poorly socialized as Shae. We sit on the floor near her, not touching, and gradually put limbs closer and closer until she'd let us touch her. We go the long way around so we walk by and near her and pay her no attention. We give her so many treats for the slightest good behavior (because praise only seems to go so far) that now she's getting a titch pudgy. Her crate is open all day for a safe space. We separate her and Baelor for at least an hour a day and rotate who has who. We take them on walks both together and alone. ONLY positive reinforcement, which hopefully goes without saying. There's more, I'm sure; our whole routine feels tailored to making sure she is as comfortable as she possibly can be.
And we feel like it's working pretty well and she's making good progress, but then something inevitably happens, we try to share our good news, and other people are incredulous that it is taking so long. It wasn't until five months in that we could touch her without her flinching. Two weeks ago, Shae started taking treats from our hand for the very first time. Before, she would only take them off the floor or from her crate. We were ecstatic; this was a big deal for her and us. But when we tried to tell our friends about it, the reaction was basically "Oh... it's taken her six months to do that and you mean you're HAPPY about it?!"
It's not that I care about what others think of how we take care of our dogs, it's that it makes me worry we're doing something wrong and should be making quicker progress. At the same time, I'm aware of how long it can take to gain a fearful/unsocialized/abused dog's trust and feel like telling them to buzz off. But I don't know!! We don't want to push her any harder than is necessary to improve, and that's what we feel like we've been doing. Shae's foster mother was really excited to hear about the treats, so at least it made me feel a little better to know that someone who actually knows Shae understood how big that was for her.
Shae is still so fearful that she is doing REALLY basic obedience while Baelor is performing intermediate-advanced commands so we don't feel that a general training class is right for both of them at once right now. We're saving money for some sessions with a private trainer, but in the meantime could use any piece of advice you have.
Sorry for long post, thanks.
We adopted a bonded pair of Pyrenees mixes in February of this year, knowing full well that one was fairly well adjusted and the other was.... not. At all. Baelor is our male and he's got no major issues, especially considering the rough situation they came from, a hoarding/starvation case. They came in skin and bones and while Shae (the female) particularly eats like it's her last meal, neither have any food protection problems.
Shae is timid, extremely fearful, and distrustful of people. She is classic "all bark and no bite;" sometimes it seems like everything terrifies her and she'll alert but I've never once seen any hint that she would lunge, she's never bared her teeth, etc. She just shuts down completely when something really rattles her, eventually it's like she short-circuits and goes full PTSD and just crouches low in the closest corner, at which point we leave her be unless it's like, time for a vet appointment. To be clear, I know how quickly fear can turn to aggression, but just noting we've never actually seen aggressive behavior from her. She's fairly good with other dogs but hates people or any other new "thing."
ETA one important detail: after a few months and feeling like we had a handle on her as a dog, my partner and I (and the vet) all strongly aggreed that the level of baseline stress Shae has is just too much for her (or us) until she settles in more. She is on a very low dose of trazodone, which has been a miracle in terms of calming her just a tad while not doing anything to change her personality.
We've had other poorly socialized dogs and are familiar with confidence training, so that's what we've been doing for months. None of our past dogs have been as poorly socialized as Shae. We sit on the floor near her, not touching, and gradually put limbs closer and closer until she'd let us touch her. We go the long way around so we walk by and near her and pay her no attention. We give her so many treats for the slightest good behavior (because praise only seems to go so far) that now she's getting a titch pudgy. Her crate is open all day for a safe space. We separate her and Baelor for at least an hour a day and rotate who has who. We take them on walks both together and alone. ONLY positive reinforcement, which hopefully goes without saying. There's more, I'm sure; our whole routine feels tailored to making sure she is as comfortable as she possibly can be.
And we feel like it's working pretty well and she's making good progress, but then something inevitably happens, we try to share our good news, and other people are incredulous that it is taking so long. It wasn't until five months in that we could touch her without her flinching. Two weeks ago, Shae started taking treats from our hand for the very first time. Before, she would only take them off the floor or from her crate. We were ecstatic; this was a big deal for her and us. But when we tried to tell our friends about it, the reaction was basically "Oh... it's taken her six months to do that and you mean you're HAPPY about it?!"
It's not that I care about what others think of how we take care of our dogs, it's that it makes me worry we're doing something wrong and should be making quicker progress. At the same time, I'm aware of how long it can take to gain a fearful/unsocialized/abused dog's trust and feel like telling them to buzz off. But I don't know!! We don't want to push her any harder than is necessary to improve, and that's what we feel like we've been doing. Shae's foster mother was really excited to hear about the treats, so at least it made me feel a little better to know that someone who actually knows Shae understood how big that was for her.
Shae is still so fearful that she is doing REALLY basic obedience while Baelor is performing intermediate-advanced commands so we don't feel that a general training class is right for both of them at once right now. We're saving money for some sessions with a private trainer, but in the meantime could use any piece of advice you have.
Sorry for long post, thanks.