[Hambonez]

We've had our 17 week old Dachshund mix, Hamilton, for about 9 weeks now. It very quickly has become obvious that I am his person. He likes other people fine, isn't protective of me in any way, doesn't have separation anxiety when I leave him, but if I am home, he wants to be with me. In a way it's flattering, I like to cuddle with him, I like that he listens to me, but it's causing some stress between my husband and me because since the dog "likes me better," my husband bows out of a lot of dog responsibilities. I can understand why the dog might be more attached to me since I am home much more than my husband, and when I am home, I spend more of my time with the dog. From the beginning I had to tell my husband to put the damn kindle down and interact with the puppy when he's "watching" him - he feels being in the room is enough. My husband goes to tai kwon do classes in the evening - I bring the dog to the park and to social groups. He does come to the puppy training classes though. The dog is so attached to me it makes it easier for my husband to have an excuse to bow out of doing things with him. Last night I got home from work, walked the dog for 30 minutes or so, came back, played in the yard with him for another half an hour, then I had to cook dinner so my husband came out. Ten minutes later they're back in the house - "He wanted to follow you." ...

Is there any way to help my dog be more attached to my husband, or am I getting into arguments about "spending more quality time with the dog" for nothing? Don't get me wrong, I love Hamilton, but sometimes I need personal space and the dog is supposed to be a shared responsibility. If it's a lost cause, then I guess I can stop arguing about it and just enjoy being adored by a doxie mix.

 

[JulieK1967]

This sounds very familiar and mostly, I'd say it's a lost cause, LOL. I'm home with Molly during the day & although she is definitely attached to my husband, too, I'm her Main Person. I do 99% of the walking/playing/feeding, 100% of the initial training though he follows through with what I've taught. When I'm making dinner, I prefer Molly to be out of the kitchen "for her own safety" is how I put it so she doesn't end up back in the kitchen 10 mins later like you describe. Hubs takes her into another room & closes the door so she can't come find me. They do play a little but mostly it's "we watched tv," lol. I used to but I don't try to manage his relationship with the dog anymore.

 

[doxiemommy]

I don't think it's a lost cause. The thing is, you've said that Hamilton's attachment to you is giving your husband an "out," like in the example you gave about how your husband brought the dog back in because "he wanted to follow you."
If your husband takes that out, and doesn't take more of an interest, nothing is likely to change. However, if your husband is open to suggestion, then, you can at least get some "personal space"! Because it can be frustrating if all the caretaking falls on you.

I'd ask for your husband to start doing some of the feeding and walking. Usually dogs can develop a bit more attachment to someone if they see that the person in a different role, as in doling out things the dog finds important. And, set some guidelines, like if you go in, away from the dog, to make dinner, ask your husband to NOT let the dog follow, take the opportunity for some guy time, playing in the yard!

I have a mini dachshund, and I am his person. My fiance makes jokes about how Harper will leave him in a heartbeat every time I come into the room, BUT, he still makes an effort to walk, feed and care for the dogs. In fact, one of the things both fiance and Harper value most is their "doggy massage" time, when Harper gets cuddled and massaged.

You will likely stay Hamilton's person, but, you still need a break!

 

[dagwall]

It's pretty common for a dog to pick its 'favorite' person, still love all the family but have a favorite. I'd say it's often related to who does the most with the dog: feeding, playing, training, exercise, etc. Sometimes that isn't the case but I think in those instances when the less involved party is the 'favorite' it's because they spoil the dog, extra treats, ignore rules, or they are much softer/kinder when the more involved party is harsher/stricter.

You probably always will be Hamilton's 'favorite' but your husband could very likely bridge the gap by being more involved. Right now it sounds like YOU are the fun and important one to Hamilton so of course you are the preferred person.

I'm the preferred person with Jubel between my brother and I but that's also by intention. He's MY dog and he knows it. He's lived with both of us since we brought him home almost exactly 2 years ago and my brother does help out and loves Jubel. My brother takes Jubel for his morning walk every weekday and they spend the day together (mostly sleeping) until I get home from work. He plays with him, trains with him, gives him treats just because and Jubel loves him...but I am the world to Jubel with no contest.

 

[hanksimon]

I agree with doxie ... maybe your husband could start training Hamilton, while you get down time?

 

[Hambonez]

My husband actually does feed him most of the time, and walks him at a few key times of the day. Our day is broken down like this...

6:30 my husband gets up, does morning things, takes Hamilton out, feeds him and the cats
7:15 I get downstairs, Hamilton goes bonkers and won't leave my side. We'll go for a walk if he's feeling cooperative, or just play for a while. Takes a nap on my lap until I have to go to work. I put him in his pen around 8:45 or 9.
12:15 my husband gets home from work, takes Hamilton out, feeds him lunch, plays with him for 30-45 minutes.
4:30 I get home from work, take Hamilton out, take him to class/play group/to the park/on a walk/to play in the yard, feed him dinner at 7, continue to care for him until my husband gets home, which can be anywhere from 5:30-9:30.
9-9:30 my husband takes over so I can shower and get ready for bed. He stays up with Hamilton until 10:30 or later. Usually by this point Hamilton just wants to cuddle and sleep.

So he IS feeding him and taking him out and he likes running commands with him. Hamilton is always thrilled to see my husband and wags his tail so hard you think it'd fly off his butt, and play bows for him and bounces around, but it's fleeting. We both went away for the weekend and when we got back, Hamilton was all over me and didn't even acknowledge my husband also came home. I feel like my husband just checks out much faster, and isn't used to having to find ways to entertain the dog for more than 30-45 minute blocks. I even do the "mean stuff" like take Hamilton to the vet for shots, and force him to be crated in the car, and still he prefers me.

I'll continue encouraging him to do more stuff with Hamilton. I tell him that the dog would probably be more attached to him if he engaged him more, and suggest things they could do, but my husband gets defensive, like I'm treating him like he's dumb for telling him how to interact with a dog. I feel guilty being frustrated about this, and I don't want anyone to think I'm compromising on my dog's care, but I thought we went into this dog thing together and I would like to find a way to help my dog bond more with my husband so I can catch a break sometimes!!

 

[xxxxdogdragoness]

We've had our 17 week old Dachshund mix, Hamilton, for about 9 weeks now. It very quickly has become obvious that I am his person. He likes other people fine, isn't protective of me in any way, doesn't have separation anxiety when I leave him, but if I am home, he wants to be with me. In a way it's flattering, I like to cuddle with him, I like that he listens to me, but it's causing some stress between my husband and me because since the dog "likes me better," my husband bows out of a lot of dog responsibilities. I can understand why the dog might be more attached to me since I am home much more than my husband, and when I am home, I spend more of my time with the dog. From the beginning I had to tell my husband to put the damn kindle down and interact with the puppy when he's "watching" him - he feels being in the room is enough. My husband goes to tai kwon do classes in the evening - I bring the dog to the park and to social groups. He does come to the puppy training classes though. The dog is so attached to me it makes it easier for my husband to have an excuse to bow out of doing things with him. Last night I got home from work, walked the dog for 30 minutes or so, came back, played in the yard with him for another half an hour, then I had to cook dinner so my husband came out. Ten minutes later they're back in the house - "He wanted to follow you." ...

Is there any way to help my dog be more attached to my husband, or am I getting into arguments about "spending more quality time with the dog" for nothing? Don't get me wrong, I love Hamilton, but sometimes I need personal space and the dog is supposed to be a shared responsibility. If it's a lost cause, then I guess I can stop arguing about it and just enjoy being adored by a doxie mix.

My hubby does the same thing..... Then wonders why & complains that the dogs like me better lol. That's fine to me, I also have a rescue, Buddy that is all ready attached to me very closely tho not in a aggressive protective way. He still is friendly with my fiancée & everyone (I call him my greeter dog lol) but it is always around me. In all truth I LOVE it & ito hope it never stops .

 

[kadylady]

I go through this with my husband on occassion. I am about 95% responsible for taking care of the dogs. I feed, walk, play, train, clean up after, cuddle and snuggle our dogs. They obviously gravitate towards me more because of that. My husband works from home about 80-90% of the time so he is with them all day, but it isn't really interaction. As soon as I get home, the dogs are pretty much glued to me for the rest of the night. My husband will walk the dogs with me at least 4/7 days a week and takes care of them if I am gone, but that's about it. He has occassionally gotten upset because when he tries to get Luke to do something Luke will look at me first, as if asking for permission to listen to daddy (it makes me a tiny bit happy inside) or when we come home from somewhere Luke will go crazy for me and totally ignore him. But my perspective is if you want the dogs affections and attentions you gotta earn. I put in all the time and effort and I am the one reaping the benefits and if you don't like that, well then I guess you should put in a little more time and effort. And I tell him this, and nothing really changes so I figure that's a sacrifice he's choosing to make. We don't have any problems, the dogs will do what he says and are perfectly fine with me not there. It's just they listen to me better and prefer to be with me because I am the keeper of the fun and yummy. The second my husband pulls out treats or leashes or toys the dogs are all over him, it justs happens that I pull out those things more often than he does.

My husband is a lost cause. But it's probably because I let it happen and it doesn't bother me. I love being the center of my dogs' world. I love taking care of them and I love training them and I'm better at training them and I love spending my time with them and...I might not like that my huband doesn't do things the way I do them...but it works for us. I know he loves the dogs and he knows the dogs love him. I agree with those that have said the dog may also favor you more than your husband but there are ways to bridge that gap if that's what you want.

 

[dagwall]

Sounds like he IS involved but you still bring MORE of the fun stuff so that makes you the favorite.

 

[xxxxdogdragoness]

Why dos this happen anyway? Like Buddy, I have become his person (I posted a cute vid of him searching for me when I was playing a game of hide & seek with him (I was hiding in a stall) I posted it in the general dog forum & on FB.

What is ya'lls opinion of what makes a dog choose a person as theirs?

 

[Greater Swiss]

Why dos this happen anyway? Like Buddy, I have become his person (I posted a cute vid of him searching for me when I was playing a game of hide & seek with him (I was hiding in a stall) I posted it in the general dog forum & on FB.

What is ya'lls opinion of what makes a dog choose a person as theirs?

I think it has a lot to do with the time spent with the dog, but also to do with personality. Not to anthropomorphise too much, but I made my husband "THE person" vs other guys I know that I also enjoyed spending time with....why? The little personality things that made us get along in a way I wanted to get along permanently. Does that make sense? lol.

Caeda seems to pick "THE person" depending on her state of mind and what is going on. For some things she looks to me for permission, even if my DH gives a cue. If she wants to play tug with a stick outside, she goes to my DH, he is the source of rough play, though she'll come to me one out of every five times as if to say "I want to share the fun with you", then goes back to him when she remembers I'm not the funnest source of tug.

I also have a theory that if we took her for a walk off leash (not gonna happen!) she would stick closer to me than to my DH, because she knows I don't like her roaming as far. I've encouraged it more than my DH has.

 

[hargyle]

I have come to the conclusion that its a boy v.s girl thing. This being PURE speculation, because the same thing happens in our house -- but maybe dogs know that women are the caregivers in a familial role? Not to say men are incapable of caring, clearly this is not the case, especially with the modern family .... but It seems to me that the Matriarch of the family is the one the dog will gravitate to because they know food, shelter and play come from that person. Even in the role of wild animals it seems to be the caregiver is favored over the male ...protector? (lack of a better term) ...and as in all instances I am positive so,e find the opposite in their homes where the male is the caregiver/provider and the female is the observer .... I dunno, its tough ...

I have given up in my house ... Loki is my dog and thats all she wrote on the subject, my partner does the bare minimum ... feed. out, sleep.. and sometimes plays I do the rest ( Although! I did catch him training Loki to sit stay! YAY!)

I think its just the way it will be ... but to encourage Hamilton I think more training and play is needed

 

[xxxxdogdragoness]

I know this sounds selfish but I don't want it to change, I live the way my relationship is with Buddy & I NEVER want it to change & I made that clear lol. Also fiancée has josefina who loves him to death.

 

[ohbehave]

Interesting that I am having a similar problem as the "husband". Our new dachshund mix was fixated on my girlfriend with hours of coming home. My coming and going meant very little, but the girlfriend's exit resulted in a screaming puppy.

Part of the reason for this is that all of the employees at the humane society are women. Her food was probably always delivered by the female hand.

So, I'm trying to manage things from the opposite direction. I give her the vast majority of food, I prepare her "brain-teaser" treat toys, and I handle her twice as much as my girlfriend.

Also, my girlfriend has been told only to address the dog occasionally and only when the dog is calm with all four on the ground. Comings and goings should be absolute non-events. When she gets home, she is to put her things away, prepare a meal, and do whatever well before saying "hi" to the dog. (actually, I'm doing this as well.. but the release from crate happens by my hand most of the time)

One week has passed, the loud screaming has stopped and the whimpering is fairly brief when the girlfriend is gone.

There is no doubt that the dog is oriented on my girlfriend's whereabouts far more intensely than her concern for my location. However, I think we are seeing that her obsessive intensity isn't so intense.

I seriously doubt that this dog will ever switch loyaties, but I want to do everything possible to prevent koo koo obsessiveness that could grow into massive problems and anxieties.