if your husband got so frustrated with your 9-week old puppy that he hit him a couple of times hard enough to cause yelping? And then husband informs you that he doesn't really want the puppy anymore, he's just too much work. Seriously, what would you do??
What would you do....
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I confess...I whacked Clifford a good deal harder than intended once. He has serious anxiety issues and all I have to do is walk into the other room to cause a cacophony of barks and yips. It drove me so crazy one day that I actually ran back into the room and smacked his nose. It gave off a hollow thump and he looked at me in suprise. I was immediately mortified by what I'd done and sat down on the floor to give him a big hug and a snack. He appeared to have already forgotten the incident.
I think sometimes people can get out of control and that doesn't necessarily make them bad or dangerous. Having said that, here is how my story differs from your husband's:
1) Clifford is not young
2) Clifford is not small
3) I did not hit Clifford hard enough to cause him to cry out in pain
4) I did not hit Clifford more than once
5) I expressed immediate regret about what I'd done
If this was the only such incident, I would wait until my husband had calmed down and I would discuss it with him. If he had a history of behavior like this, I would take the dog and I would leave. My husband would be getting divorce papers shortly.
I couldn't live with a person who was regularly unable to control their urge to hit small creatures.
I think sometimes people can get out of control and that doesn't necessarily make them bad or dangerous. Having said that, here is how my story differs from your husband's:
1) Clifford is not young
2) Clifford is not small
3) I did not hit Clifford hard enough to cause him to cry out in pain
4) I did not hit Clifford more than once
5) I expressed immediate regret about what I'd done
If this was the only such incident, I would wait until my husband had calmed down and I would discuss it with him. If he had a history of behavior like this, I would take the dog and I would leave. My husband would be getting divorce papers shortly.
I couldn't live with a person who was regularly unable to control their urge to hit small creatures.
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I agree but I have to say, I would have made sure that was all hashed out before getting a dog in the first place. Puppies are a lot of work and that should have been known going in. If he is already wanting to give up on it when it is only 9 weeks old, doesn't sound like a man who makes much of a commitment.
Other options would be to have YOU take over most of the work and lighten the load on your husband. IF you are the one that wanted the puppy and he did not, then you should be doing the work as well. Get puppy into some training classes and begin working to make puppy understand what it is that you expect of him. Hitting puppy will only slow down progress. Hitting a 9 week old puppy is the same as hitting a brand new infant for not doing what you want. Hitting is NOT the answer. Hope husband doesn't do that to the kids, if you have any.
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I assume you've only had the dog a week, but I think it's time to re-home the pup, ASAP. If one person in the household doesn't want the pup, then you can't keep him in the house.
I don't want to stick my nose into your marriage, but the first question that popped into my head was, "What's he going to do when he gets frustrated with a 9-week old child"?
Well, I can't say he has a history of hitting animals, but this is our first puppy. He HAS gotten frustrated with the cat. I can't remember if he's actually hit the cat before though.
Well, we both agreed to the puppy, although it was MY idea in the first place. He was on board though. I'm not really up for raising a puppy by myself. It's practically just as hard as a kid, and I can't do THAT by myself either.
Sometimes I'd like to.
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This is an option I would give a great deal of thought and consideration. In the long run, it can be a far better choice!!!
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Raising a puppy is a very hard job to do. I remember when my hubby got so frustrated he told "to get the dog out of here before I hurt it". I took LeRoy out for a LONG walk and when I got back he had calmed down.
It sounds like your hubby needs some anger management classes. I'm afraid what will happen to the poor puppy if something else he/she does that your hubby doesn't like. Are you planning on having kids?
It sounds like your hubby needs some anger management classes. I'm afraid what will happen to the poor puppy if something else he/she does that your hubby doesn't like. Are you planning on having kids?
We already have kids... two boys ages 4 and 5.
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I know it sounds bad, but I do think we all have lost our tempers at one point or another. My ferret was misbehaving once and I smacked him on the nose and walked away. Pretty much after I calmed down though I realized what I had done and felt really bad. Same as, I had been 'bad' as a child and my mother has smacked me (welcome to spanking! Ever heard of it? Seems parents forgot about it recently). Its not that they mean to hurt the reciever as much as they just lose their temper. However, if your husband felt no remorse, I would rethink having a dog. I'm not going to say rethink having a husband because well, a lot of people do not view animals as equal to humans. I don't agree with it but I know tons of people that don't like animals and yet could not ever hurt a person!
As well, I'm sure all parents have hit a point in their lives where a child does something and they feel ready to throw in the towel. I know my current boyfriend and I have gotten in fights and felt like we should not even bother to work at the relationship. But we do, we get over it. It is just emotions. This is the same, if not harder it seems, with animals. An animal cannot really understand what you want. They do not understand our language. They understand tone but they don't always understand what all the fuss is about (I remember trying to teach my ferret to roll over. He understood I wanted him to do something, he just didn't understand what this 'roll over' nonsense was all about )
I do think your husband and you should have a conversation once he has calmed down though. You need to understand each other and have a good long discussion about whether or not the dog is appropriate for your household. Maybe something else is bothering him and he just took it out on the dog. I know that sounds horrible, but maybe it is something really simple. Don't give up just yet. Communication is the key!
As well, I'm sure all parents have hit a point in their lives where a child does something and they feel ready to throw in the towel. I know my current boyfriend and I have gotten in fights and felt like we should not even bother to work at the relationship. But we do, we get over it. It is just emotions. This is the same, if not harder it seems, with animals. An animal cannot really understand what you want. They do not understand our language. They understand tone but they don't always understand what all the fuss is about (I remember trying to teach my ferret to roll over. He understood I wanted him to do something, he just didn't understand what this 'roll over' nonsense was all about
)I do think your husband and you should have a conversation once he has calmed down though. You need to understand each other and have a good long discussion about whether or not the dog is appropriate for your household. Maybe something else is bothering him and he just took it out on the dog. I know that sounds horrible, but maybe it is something really simple. Don't give up just yet. Communication is the key!
Very well said, thank you!I know it sounds bad, but I do think we all have lost our tempers at one point or another. My ferret was misbehaving once and I smacked him on the nose and walked away. Pretty much after I calmed down though I realized what I had done and felt really bad. Same as, I had been 'bad' as a child and my mother has smacked me (welcome to spanking! Ever heard of it? Seems parents forgot about it recently). Its not that they mean to hurt the reciever as much as they just lose their temper. However, if your husband felt no remorse, I would rethink having a dog. I'm not going to say rethink having a husband because well, a lot of people do not view animals as equal to humans. I don't agree with it but I know tons of people that don't like animals and yet could not ever hurt a person!
As well, I'm sure all parents have hit a point in their lives where a child does something and they feel ready to throw in the towel. I know my current boyfriend and I have gotten in fights and felt like we should not even bother to work at the relationship. But we do, we get over it. It is just emotions. This is the same, if not harder it seems, with animals. An animal cannot really understand what you want. They do not understand our language. They understand tone but they don't always understand what all the fuss is about (I remember trying to teach my ferret to roll over. He understood I wanted him to do something, he just didn't understand what this 'roll over' nonsense was all about
I do think your husband and you should have a conversation once he has calmed down though. You need to understand each other and have a good long discussion about whether or not the dog is appropriate for your household. Maybe something else is bothering him and he just took it out on the dog. I know that sounds horrible, but maybe it is something really simple. Don't give up just yet. Communication is the key!
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No problem, hun. I do not condone violence of any kind, but sometimes we don't think rationally. Just try to work through this. And do keep me posted! Good luck with everythingVery well said, thank you!
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I agree! So who does all the work with the pup? You or hubby? I'm guessing you
Yep, it's all me.
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If this is sustained -- ie he has done it more than once, has repeatedly described how much he wants to get rid of the pup and he feels no remorse for abusing the dog -- I would rehome the pup immediately. Trust me, if he doesn't love the pup at 9 weeks old, fluffy and small, thinking you and your husband are the center of the universe... he's not gonna love him ever. (I know that's slightly tongue-in-cheek, but it may very well be completely true.)
(I know that's slightly tongue-in-cheek, but it may very well be completely true.)
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Well, I was going to say ditch the husband and keep the puppy
. But, maybe the best course of action for all concerned, especially a defenseless puppy, is to return the puppy to the breeder to be placed in a forever home. Total committment is required when deciding to get a puppy or to have a child. There are no guarantees in life, so one may end up raising both alone. I did. I live alone with 4 dogs (one is a puppy) and two cats, so everything falls on me, including maintenance of the home (I own) and yard. You do what you have to do. It's not a burden for me, it's a joy to have these marvelous creatures in my life.
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My thoughts exactly
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Did they see hubby hit the dog?
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If this is sustained -- ie he has done it more than once, has repeatedly described how much he wants to get rid of the pup and he feels no remorse for abusing the dog -- I would rehome the pup immediately. Trust me, if he doesn't love the pup at 9 weeks old, fluffy and small, thinking you and your husband are the center of the universe... he's not gonna love him ever.
The first week I had my puppy, I didn't bond with it. I never got angry at the puppy, but whenever she was misbehaving (almost all the time...) I would just start sobbing! My boyfriend had to come rescue me and help me out for the first bit. After a week I started to bond with the puppy and now I'm very tolerant and patient with her. Even though my dog is super cute, small and thought of me as the centre of the universe, I couldn't quite bond with it at first! Sometimes it takes a bit of time, I guess.
My situation was a bit different. Almost like a puppy-postpartum-depression! If there is such thing....
Maybe your husband just needs some time. If I were you, I'd probably relieve him of most of the duties for a bit, then ask him after he's had some 'me-time' how he truly feels about keeping or giving up the dog.
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