Puppy Forum and Dog Forums banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,174 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Ok, so at my work we have a manager and three assistant managers, and I am having an issue with one of the assistant managers. I have worked there for 7 years and never had any problems. None. Zero. Until last night. This manager and I have worked together for months and months, and I always thought she did a really good job...I would have even said we were friends until like, two weeks ago. Now I think she's psycho. It started one day last week, out of nowhere she snapped at me a couple of times about random stuff and made a sarcastic comment on one occasion. I let it go then, I know she's having personal problems, a bad breakup and a health problem, so I figured she had alot on her plate. Then last night, well, she was being a real b*tch. She was just over the top, snapping at me and other people too...we were very busy and she was making everyone feel like crap. At the end of the night, I walked up on her making another one of her sarcastic comments, to someone else about me...that was totally unfounded I might add...and I asked her what was up, what I had done, and she completely freaked out and started screaming at me in front of half the staff. I don't know what she was even talking about, she was screaming about stuff she says I do or did that she just completely made up. I was pretty confused and I don't even remember what I said, but it was basically wtf? and then she ran into the office and stayed there for about an hour.

Anyway, moving this along, after she went in the office people I work with started coming up to me and saying she had flipped out on them too, that she's nuts, and the general consensus is that she is very innappropriate for a manager and creates a hostile work environment. She even tells people their hair or make-up looks bad and other demeaning personal comments. The staff is urging me to talk to the general manager about the situation, and I would like to, however my husband is out of work and I really need this job right now....I won't be fired, but she can and would cut my hours if I continued to piss her off by doing...who even knows what...

So, what should I do? Let it go or talk to the GM? If things escalate I'll ask for a transfer, but I'd rather it not come to that. As it is right now I'm very offended and would quit if I could. I'm just at a complete loss, I'm pretty well liked by everyone in my "real life" and things like this don't happen to me often, if at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,801 Posts
I'd have everyone write out a list of the inappropriate behaviours and things she's said, then have a nice long discussion with your GM and present this so that they see it's not "just you", it's everyone that's seeing this from her.

Good luck! =/
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,942 Posts
The biggest problem is she can cut your hours.. has the power to do that... and that is something you cannot afford.

I don't know the size of your company. If it is large there is probably an HR or Personnel department. They often have advice on harassment. You might want to find out information on that subject and what your company policies are.

Harassment and discrimination need not be sexual or racial to qualify as such. I won a discrimination and harassment case against a female boss (and her boss) a few years ago. However, a word of warning.. you can win the Battle and Lose the War. I won the battle and lost the war. I won't make that mistake again.

You need to document the incident where this manager went off on you in writing. Keep a record. Write down what was said, the date and time, and who it was said to etc. etc. and who else heard it being said.

At some point you may need to let this manager know that you would appreciate it if she would talk to you in a professional manner (this means no swearing.. that is harassment; no personal critique.. that is harassment; etc.). When you tell her this, try to have a witness and be sure to document it and keep the records of what she said and who heard it.. date, times etc. If she does it again any way, document it and go over her and make the complaint.

Eventually you will have built a case that you can go to HR with and bring her up on charges. Again.. you need to have names, dates, times, what was said etc. Also, if you ask her to stop something and she continues to do it and you go over her head if her manager does nothing, that person is also part of your case and 'guilty.' The object is to build a solid case if your hours are cut, you are let go etc. etc. so you can take her and the company to court for damages. I know you don't want to go this road but you need to know about it. If she goes nuts you may need it.

Office workers are not friends. They are co workers. There is no requirement we like each other in an office environment. The requirement is that we treat each other with respect and in a businesslike manner.

After my experience with the case that I won I never allow co workers and friendship to mix. I also refrain from drinking at office parties.. loose lips sink ships.. (tho I do attend due to my position). I refrain from discussing other people (bosses or co workers or employees).

Some people mix friendship and working.. and do it successfully. I used to. I don't any more. Work is a four letter word and I do it because they pay me every two weeks. Friend is a six letter word and is meant for people not related to my work.

Just my way to doing things. No one has to agree.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,477 Posts
It could depend on the laws in your state. Some actions might put you and others in a difficult situation if things progress to a different level, or she might be easily disposed of without incident. I would urge you to consult someone well versed in your local laws. I guess my point is to have a few game plans with five contingencies each before proceeding.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,534 Posts
ALL of you need to go to HR and file a complaint about her behavior. As stated she's creating a hostile work environment, which is illegal (federal law). If you don't have an HR, go to the manager TOGETHER.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
165 Posts
Maybe have you and some co-workers put together an anonymous letter and leave it on your GM's desk? The nutty lady wouldn't have anything against anyone so I doubt she'd go after anyone specifically (unless she's THAT nuts haha).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
347 Posts
Personally, I don't like to get law enforcement or HR involved unless I have to. I think it generally makes life harder for everyone.

I would just pull her aside and say you're sorry there appears to be a problem between you two but you'd like to figure out how to make it better so you can work well together.

Then respect what she says, even if you disagree, and see if there's a good compromise. If not, then say you'd like to get the GM to come up with a solution since you two are at an impasse. ("I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm just not understanding what you mean? Let's see if Kathy can help us come up with a solution, because we can't go on like this.")

It's deferential, but will help you both come out happy on the other side.

A coworker who reports me to HR or does something like having everyone write out what a **** I am will be a hated coworker for a long, long time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,174 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I'm not planning on filing any harrassment charges or going to HR right now. I'm documenting things, but I won't use that unless it escalates to a point that I actually get fired. I don't think my co-workers would back me right now anyway, everyone is afraid of losing their jobs or having shifts cut. Normally I would have no problem talking with her personally and trying to figure out the problem, but she took it way too far yesterday and I don't want to talk to her at all at this point, I really think the situation would only escalate if I did. I was completely blindsided yesterday...the first indication of a problem should not be being screamed and ranted at...I don't think it would be out of line to bring up the issue with the GM...part of his job is managing the managers. I still don't know, part of me wants to just let this go and avoid her as much as possible because I really can't afford any trouble, but I don't think anyone should be singled out and verbally abused in front of other employees. If she has an issue with my work, she needs to address it with me civily and privately, and if the issue is personal, well then she needs to keep it to herself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
347 Posts
I also, generally, will give one bad incident a pass. Of course what she did isn't appropriate.

If it keeps happening, though, ignoring it will give her no deterrance and make you miserable. I would try to forgive and forget (but I would keep it documented just in case), and if it happens again, confront as amicably as possible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
926 Posts
If she is doing this to other staff, I can't imagine the Manager not noticing her behaviour. How long has this Assist. Manager been there?

Based on you not risking your job/hours I would let this one slide too. Keep your head up, and know that you did nothing wrong (her personal abilitilies are obviously invading her professionalism) Try not and let her know she is getting to you. If it escalates, I would talk to HR and see if you can bring someone else with you; or have backup of the team. Even if you are documenting it, if HR has no report of it, probably not much they can do.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,942 Posts
The only reason you go to the person who has done the offense is that by doing that, and documenting it, if the behavior is repeated you have a case. If you never go to her then you have nothing.

This is the one nasty in the law regarding harassment in the work place. The person being harassed has to first confront their harasser unless they believe they are in physical danger if they do so.

Once you confront her (and confront is a bad word.. you never want to confront.. merely make a short statement letting her know what exactly was offensive and that you expect this will not happen again) you do not EVER have to say it to her again. You THEN go to the GM.

It is dicey. I would do what I needed to take care of ME in this. You can choose to wait and see if she does it again (at which point you still have to go to her first). If she repeats it, again AFTER you have asked her to stop, THEN you go to the GM.. that is how the law works and how you build a viable case if you need to.

As to your co workers 'support...' they don't have a choice if this were to end up in court and they had to appear under subpeona....

It is a hateful situation. In my case I won the battle but ultimately my boss found ways to legally make my life miserable after that and eventually I left. It ended up being what I needed to do for my life any way (that is how these things often work out) and if I had stayed I would not have been as successful as I am today where I am.

Bottom line is this. I would rather work for myself 7 days a week, 20 hours a day, than work for someone else 5 days and 40 hours.... but life is a winding river with twists and turns and today I find myself working for others. I sense a bend in the river up ahead so we will see what's round it. Maybe more of the same and maybe not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
61 Posts
Personally, I don't like to get law enforcement or HR involved unless I have to. I think it generally makes life harder for everyone.

I would just pull her aside and say you're sorry there appears to be a problem between you two but you'd like to figure out how to make it better so you can work well together.

Then respect what she says, even if you disagree, and see if there's a good compromise. If not, then say you'd like to get the GM to come up with a solution since you two are at an impasse. ("I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm just not understanding what you mean? Let's see if Kathy can help us come up with a solution, because we can't go on like this.")

It's deferential, but will help you both come out happy on the other side.

A coworker who reports me to HR or does something like having everyone write out what a **** I am will be a hated coworker for a long, long time.

I personally think this is the way one should try to handle confrontations with co-workers before taking it to HR or a boss. If her reaction isn't reasonable then you go up the "chain of command".

Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,174 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Here's an update...I went in to work yesterday and neither she nor the GM were there. I had almost decided to let it go, but as this did occur in front of about 5 other people, there was some talk going on and people are continuing to tell me stories about her flipping out on them too. At the end of the shift, one of the other assistant managers pulled me aside and told me that there is a good possibility she will be transfered soon...he also doesn't think the GM would be very receptive if I went to him...I'm probably going to end up letting it go for now...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,174 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
Just an update, a full week later, I got an apology today. She said she knew she'd been bitchy, especially to me, and said she'd had personal problems with her ex bf and that she'd moved out and felt 100% better...I've calmed down since too, so we're cool, but I'm keeping my distance from now on. Thx for the help and the vent everyone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
926 Posts
Cool. Everyone is allowed bad days (she just really took it out on other people). It was good that she apologised - obviously she got a "talk'n" to by senior management and will be on good behaviour. It' better to get along with people then not (as much as humanly possible :p) - espeically when you are with them for so many hours in the day. Good luck.
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top