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Hello,

Me and my boyfriend have wanted a dog for a long time, and finally met a Cockapoo and fell in love. However, I don't know if it it would be healthy for the dog because it would live some days in his house and some days in my house.

Do you have any suggestions/Do you think it is a bad idea?

Thanks!
 

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I wouldn't suggest taking on a lifetime commitment like a dog when you haven't even made a commitment to live together. What if you break up? What if one of you moves? Etc etc... It just looks like a bad potential future for the dog.

That's just my opinion.
 

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Yep I think it's a bad idea. He would be all like "Who's my trainer?! Where do I live? Who loves me?!".

I think it's too stressful.
 

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If it were me, I'd wait until we were living together to get a dog together. This doesn't mean you couldn't each get your own dogs, but I wouldn't want to move a dog back and forth all the time. For one thing, that means double the expenses when it comes to a lot of the equipment a dog needs. Of course, if you each get your own dog, then that means that you'll have to come home at least often enough to tend to the dog rather than spend all your time back and forth from each other's places. It also means that (hopefully) you'll eventually need to get those dogs to live together when you do move in together.

Honestly, if you both feel you're ready to make a lifetime commitment, together, to a dog...why not first make that commitment to each other, in whatever form fits you both, and live together first? :)
 

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I know a couple who adopted a dog together, then split up, one of them moved out, etc., but because the dog was both of theirs, they had a joint custody arrangement. It went okay, actually. Possibly because the dog had prior experience feeling safe and secure in a single place with both humans, after they broke up, he could still recognize that Home A was a safe place (because Human A was there) and that Home B was also a safe place (because Human B) was there.

The safer call is certainly not to get the dog until you're sharing a home (and, to be nosy about people's romantic lives) and when you are operating as a stable household (meaning the relationship and therefore living conditions are unlikely to change for the foreseeable future).
 

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If you want a dog, and can make a 15 year commitment to a dog, get one. If your boyfriend wants a dog, and can make a 15 year commitment to a dog, he should get one. Getting one together when you don't live together and the dog's going to be shuffled around and who knows what next year will bring is not a good idea.
 

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I, personally, would never "share" a dog. Even when I get married, I am pretty sure his dog will stay "his" and my three will stay "mine". If you want a dog and can commit, I say go for it, but what about the dog living with you, and then ya'll can go visit your boyfriend together? :)
 

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I agree with the others - dogs thrive on stability, so I would think it might be quite stressful for a dog moving back and forth between houses.

Obviously I don't know your situation, but if you and your boyfriend stay together often, would it be possible for you individually to get a dog, who then comes with on (overnight) trips to your boyfriend's? That way your presence would be constant, even though it might still be a little challenging for pup to adjust at first. Just a thought.
 

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If you want a dog, and can make a 15 year commitment to a dog, get one. If your boyfriend wants a dog, and can make a 15 year commitment to a dog, he should get one. Getting one together when you don't live together and the dog's going to be shuffled around and who knows what next year will bring is not a good idea.
This. I don't see a problem with one of you getting a dog, and the other spending time with it and even helping to care for it, but it needs to have a permanent owner and a permanent home.
 

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Maybe I'm a cynic, or maybe it's because I've been burned before or because I have seen friends burned, but I will never share a pet with anyone ever again. I don't care if I'm in love with my SO. I don't care if we're married and I think it's going to last forever. My pets will always be registered to me, and I will be responsible for most of their care and training and all of their costs. I want to make sure that my dogs always come with me if there's a split.
 

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Maybe I'm a cynic, or maybe it's because I've been burned before or because I have seen friends burned, but I will never share a pet with anyone ever again. I don't care if I'm in love with my SO. I don't care if we're married and I think it's going to last forever. My pets will always be registered to me, and I will be responsible for most of their care and training and all of their costs. I want to make sure that my dogs always come with me if there's a split.
Honestly, I've been married > 15 years, with never a sign of an issue, and...

Yep. There's a line with the pets. We don't draw that line in daily living, because I don't think that's great for the animals; we all take care of everyone and give attention to and love them all. But legally, who belongs to whom is very clearly defined based on registration, licenses, vet records, money trails, and where appropriate/relevant registration.
 

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Yeah, that sounds good to me. I definitely would want to involve my SO in some training (as I did with my mom and brother when my dogs and I lived with them), because it's good for everyone in a home to be consistent with rules and commands, but I'd be responsible for the majority of the training. I would hope that my SO would love my dogs and want to give them attention. It's mostly a legal thing... registration, vet records, that kind of stuff would all be in my name.

I'd have a prenup if I were wealthy, too. I'm just that kind of person. I prefer to think of it as being a realist. :p
 

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Yeah, that sounds good to me. I definitely would want to involve my SO in some training (as I did with my mom and brother when my dogs and I lived with them), because it's good for everyone in a home to be consistent with rules and commands, but I'd be responsible for the majority of the training. I would hope that my SO would love my dogs and want to give them attention. It's mostly a legal thing... registration, vet records, that kind of stuff would all be in my name.

I'd have a prenup if I were wealthy, too. I'm just that kind of person. I prefer to think of it as being a realist. :p
My husband's interest in dog training is just about negative nothing, but he definitely gets on board with the rules and there's a unified front and he loves them up and helps groom them and walks them and takes them out in the middle of night and all. I can't imagine living in a household with lines that extended into that kind of thing, nor would I really want to.

But in the event of divorce, Thud, Frost, Jack, and Kylie are mine. Bug and the cats are his. No question, well established and documented and, yeah, if I had money we'd probably have done a prenup. It's not like there's some negative effect on daily living or we're even super aware of it. It just means that we're both protected to some degree and don't have to stress about it.
 

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I actually don't see a problem with the dog going back and forth between homes, as long as the dog's personality is right for it (some dogs would be stressed by it, but others will think it's great fun. 2 beds! 2 yards! 2 different places to sniff! Yay!). But this:
Maybe I'm a cynic, or maybe it's because I've been burned before or because I have seen friends burned, but I will never share a pet with anyone ever again. I don't care if I'm in love with my SO. I don't care if we're married and I think it's going to last forever. My pets will always be registered to me, and I will be responsible for most of their care and training and all of their costs. I want to make sure that my dogs always come with me if there's a split.
If you're going to do it, make sure every single thing is spelled out clearly and firmly, in writing, preferably notarized and all that. None of you (dog included) need the stress of fighting over the dog in the event of a breakup.
 

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Maybe I'm a cynic, or maybe it's because I've been burned before or because I have seen friends burned, but I will never share a pet with anyone ever again. I don't care if I'm in love with my SO. I don't care if we're married and I think it's going to last forever. My pets will always be registered to me, and I will be responsible for most of their care and training and all of their costs. I want to make sure that my dogs always come with me if there's a split.
Ah, yes!

I can't share a pet. I have mine and my girlfriend has hers. We have shared a dog and it was hell. I want to do one thing but she doesn't. The dog could also pick her as a leader... ouch.

I like to have my dog for myself, I want to work with and train it.
 

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Have you considered adopting the dog together but leaving the puppy in one place, rather than shipping him/her back and forth? That's what I would do...yes, it would be hard for the person who isn't living with the dog, but I think that's a better solution for the pup.

Before you adopt this dog, you should definitely discuss what would happen if you and your boyfriend were to break up. Not a pleasant conversation, but it's good to have that worked out ahead of time. My BF and I adopted a puppy six months after moving in together, and we signed an "agreement" (it's written on a piece of notebook paper) as to who will take him if we split.
 

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I think it's fine if you have the right dog, the right partner, well discussed expectations, and a backup plan.

I don't see why the dog couldn't get into stable routine with two homes rather than one.
 

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From experience. Our sheltie Luna, is really no longr ours.

It started with my sister falling in love with her, then she babysa for a trip it went really great, just an overnight thing, then my sistet came for dinner and asked if she could take her home for the night, well sure thats fine, then our windows got replaced and she stayed with sister for a week...it was winter, none of us stayed home, then it became a joke that we had joint custody...we considered letting sister have her she just loved her so much, then decided against it, fiance surprised me with an aussie as Luna was more of his dog anyways....

Well, Lets say all the back forth, on top of a new puppy i the other home, Luna stopped adapting, so the cycle started again, Sister took Luna for a few days, then we would try again, and then one weekend sister goes to WV wants to take Luna....that was about a month ago, she is still there.

The back and forth, though with good intentions was not good for her, she became confused, acted out, sometimes just seemed sad no matter what we done to cheer her up, it was hard to adapt especially when changes were being made while she was away. They really do need stable.

Eventually we had a really long phone conversation, and had to decide wjat was best for Luna, and thats just with another family member, who we will see again. This is a boyfriend with no long term commintment made to each other. I would really sit down amd look at all options before knowingly asking a dog to ping pong back and forth. Good luck!
 

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I have quite a bit of experience on this front.

As long as one of you can assume full responsibility should you split, etc. then I don't see the problem with it at all if it's a well-adjusted and stable dog. Breeders co-own dogs and ship them back and forth all the time. I'm looking at co-raising a service dog puppy this fall, and co-owning a dog with a friend. We will both take the dog to training, both house it, both show it, etc.

When my ex and I got Frag, he was technically his dog, but we raised him together, and did not live together. Some days he'd be at my house, some days he'd stay with him. We broke up and went back and forth by the week and minus a little increase in anxiety, he was happy and fine. Now I care for him primarily, but he will likely be going to live with his other owner once he comes back from overseas. If we had split and I couldn't keep him, he would have stayed with my ex and his parents.

I adopted Sir when I started dating my most recent ex last year, and we sort of raised him together. That said, he was my responsibilty entirely. Now that we've split, ex wants to see him and that's ok with me- he helped me care for him for the last year, I trust him. So he gets to go spend days here or there with my new ex, and doesn't have any problem with it so far.
 
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