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Discussion Starter #1
I recently, about three weeks ago, adopted a puppy who was about 4.5 months old. They labeled her as male and large and a German shepherd mix on petfinder. I've come to find out she is not any of the above. She's a female, she's small/medium and she's not got a drop of German shepherd, but is in fact perhaps a doberman, pit, something...

Anyhow, this is my first female dog. In December of 2010 I adopted my dog Otto from a shelter that my sister worked at, in fact she 'whelped' him. From the moment I laid eyes on him I knew it was meant to be. He is my rock and I love him with every fiber of my being. There were of course, during his puppy days, times where I was pulling my hair out in frustration wondering if I had done the right thing or if he was going to make me jump off a cliff, but deep down I knew that he was my baby and that I'd love him forever. I think about the day that will come years from now and how terrible it will be to be without him and how no one will ever be able to take his place. He's my baby.

So that brings us to recent times. He's a year and a half old now and has been a solo dog that entire time. When we brought home Zoey, he was not thrilled to say the least but after a week he began to put up with her and play with her.

I got a second dog because we moved into a new home, we had room, we had Otto and I feel/felt like he needed a friend. We wanted a boy (again) 70-100lbs just like Otto. We wound up with Zoey and I think that's where things just sort of took a turn for the worst.

The rescue that we rescued her from approved me pretty quickly. I asked them if I could bring Otto to meet her but they declined, saying it would be too hectic with the other adoptions going on at the time. I didn't think a whole lot of it, so we didn't bring him.

When we got there, another adoption was in process. Zoey was not there yet, just two other little puppies. When she did finally arrive, she didn't even acknowledge our existence. She never came up to us, didn't try to play with us at all. She needed to go outside to pee (or so I thought) at one point, because she was scratching at the door. I asked if they'd mind if I walked her and they said no problem. She didn't respond to me at all and never went to the bathroom. We went back inside and she continued to ignore us.

I should have known, I should have seen the signs, but rose-colored glasses. We've had her all this time now and I feel no bond, no spark or love for this dog. She too, seems to care very little for me. She doesn't want to be pet, she doesn't want my attention or affection. She doesn't even try to listen to me, she just whines a lot and ignores me.

I feel like a horrible person for these feelings that I'm having. I've disappointed my mother with the fact that I don't think she fits well with me. What I want to do, what my husband and I have discussed, is calling the rescue we got her from and asking if we can foster her in the hopes that someone will want her and bond well with her.

Has anyone here ever had an issue like this before with a dog they've adopted? I don't know what to do. I feel terrible and very lost.

P.S. Sorry, I posted this in another section earlier - but upon reflection, thought it better placed elsewhere. I apologize for the double post.
 

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Some dogs just aren't the right match. Personally... I think like... do you marry every person you take on a date???? Foster her!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Some dogs just aren't the right match. Personally... I think like... do you marry every person you take on a date???? Foster her!
See, that's exactly how I tried to explain it to my mom. I brought up the feeling of being married to my father for so many years and how every day she just wanted to bury her head in the pillow and try to forget that she was married to him. That's kind of similar to how I feel about Zoey. For me, she offers nothing to the table and likewise I guess as she has no desire to be near me at all. She seems to 'like' my husband but I'm the one who is with her 24 hours a day and the one with the responsibility for her and she just does not want anything to do with me.

We definitely want a second dog still, but hopefully next time we'll do it the right way with the right rescue.
 

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You didn't fail. You just didn't click! I have placed many fosters I initially thought I'd end up adopting, because I realized the magic just wasn't there. I see nothing wrong with it. I have SUCH a bond with the five I do have!!!!
 

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its also possible that she was raised by a man and doesn't realize that she has to listen to a woman yet.
my cat lady was raised by men and always around them so when we got her at as a stray she wouldnt let us touch her took her a bit n now she finally lets us pet her she pretty much ignores some men now.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
It's kind of funny because when the woman was trying to talk to me about fostering dogs for her organization I thought to myself, "I could never do that, I'd become attached to every single one of them." But Zoey is now the second dog that I've known that I had zero attachment to.

I used to dog sit in peoples homes, and my main client had three dogs. Two of them were tiny chihuahua mixes and the one was believe it or not, a black golden retriever named Lola. I loved Natalino and Toto the boys, but Lola drives me insane. She's so hyper and so annoying that I never took to her (she was so nuts-o that she actually took out both of Natalino's eyes).

To top off this cake with a big, fat cherry, my husband and I have both been breaking out in hives since she got here. I've never been allergic to dogs or cats, he has had allergies to my JRT's back in the day but never has had an issue with Otto, but the second we got her, we're both itching like nuts. She's itching constantly too! It's so weird.

Anyhow, I digress... I think maybe you're right Foyerhawk, that this was just simply meant to be a foster situation, as odd as that is to me.
 

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is it possible that she has fleas???
iam thinking that are more of a male dog owner then female... but kind of sounds like fleas if she is itching all the time to
 

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It doesn't make you bad. It makes you real. Wait for the One. It's worth it!
 

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I realize not every dog is the right dog for every person, but 3 weeks? Kabota and I had no spark till about 6 weeks. Heck, he didn't get off the couch for 2 weeks.

She's new, she's scared, who knows how people treated her until now, she may just need time. Comparing her to Otto is unfair. I had to stop myself from doing that to Kabota. I had such a wonderful relationship with Muggsy, but I had him for 12 years. It's not fair to compare a dog you've had for 3 weeks to a dog you've have for 10 years.

I'm not saying you're a bad person or that you're even necessarily wrong, but it's really unfair to judge a rescue in the first few weeks. These things take time.

Also, you want a male for Otto why? Is he better with males? Usually, it's considered best to go opposite sex with two dogs.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
is it possible that she has fleas???
iam thinking that are more of a male dog owner then female... but kind of sounds like fleas if she is itching all the time to
I am definitely a male dog owner. I've never taken to a female dog except my uncle's dog Sam and only because she really didn't act one way or the other, she was just an awesome dog. In fact, I don't even really get along with actual women most of the time in real life.

As far as the fleas go, we have checked her separately on several occasions and while she was taking a bath. Neither of us have found anything. She came to us with a rather odd spot on her leg that was missing fur. My vet checked her for mites but didn't see anything under the microscope. She bites and licks everything on herself constantly. He said it was probably hyperactivity.

It doesn't make you bad. It makes you real. Wait for the One. It's worth it!
Yeah, I know you're right.

My mom just called, because she wanted to take Zoey but her husband wants to wait until her (my old dog) Bogart goes. He's blind and aggressive sometimes, so they want to wait until he goes over the rainbow before getting another one. She called me absolutely sobbing. She's seemingly mad at me, that I could do this. But I know, and my husband agrees, that deep down she's just not the missing puzzle piece.

So, in your opinion, what would be the best way to approach this with the rescue, about wanting to foster her until someone comes along? She's already been moved about six times and I don't want her to have to move again until someone is ready for her, so I don't want them to just take her, I just want her to go to the right place straight off from me.
 

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Just say she isn't a match, but she's great and you would like to foster her until her forever home comes along. Just be honest. You didn't do anything vile, though a lot of lunatics will say you did. Ignore them. Keeping ANY dog that comes along is not the answer. THE right dog for YOU is. I gave up giving a rat's ass what those people think long ago, and I have five awesome dogs that I adore. And I have had the joy of fostering over 200 (or more) amazing canines. Learned something from each and every one.
 

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I just wrote them a rather lengthy e-mail explaining what my decision was, why and hopefully they let us hold onto her. I feel bad because she's been moved around her whole life. She's originally from TN where her shelter was destroyed by a tornado. She was then carted up here to NJ and moved around through the rescue's foster system and then to me.

I don't want her to have to go anywhere else until the right person comes along, so I hope they take into consideration all the training and such that we've been going through with her.

The truth is, we made a mistake and hopefully one day that dog that we were really looking for, comes along.

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What I initially wrote to you before I accidentally hit a different button, is that you are an amazing person and someone I can't ever thank enough for all that you've done for those 200+ dogs. It's something I could never do. I cried as I fired off the e-mail to this rescue regarding Zoey. I can't even imagine doing that 199 more times.
 
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