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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'll try to be brief. My husband wants us to get a puppy. I do not. So with that info alone I'm going to bet that many of you will advise that we do not since it may really cause some difficulties if we're both not on board. ? However, I will not go to the extent of throwing a fit and refusing to "let" him get a dog. I like dogs and I'm sure would fall in love with one easily. My issues are ALL about the work, responsibility, life changes, etc. See we already have 3 kids and a busy life. I do not want to take on any more work! The kids are 4, 8, and 9. My husband is a teacher and I do daycare in our home. We have a hamster, a guinea pig, and 2 old cats (14 and 15). I don't think the other pets would be an issue really, just trying to give you a picture of our life. Our kids play soccer and softball in the spring and fall. We leave home many weekends (plan would be for the dog to come along) to go to grandma and grandpa's lake home, which is a 3-hr drive. We enjoy the outdoors a lot. Fishing, boating, swimming, hiking, etc. Getting off track here I think.

I grew up with dogs in my family of 6 and I understand him wanting one. He never has had one, and of course our kids would love one. But I am desperate for him to truly understand the amount of responsibility and work and expenses that comes along with getting a puppy and keeping a dog as a member of our family for many years. We really haven't talked about it much. I have just expressed that I don't want to because it would be too much responsibility right now, and that if we did then I do not want to be doing much of the work. He says, "Don't worry, it will be fun." I just don't think he's realizing what it really takes. There's a reason we have 3 kids and not 4.:eek:

I don't really want to put my foot down, like I'm his mother or something like that, but I just fear I will have to be the one doing most of the caretaking and then I will be very crabby:)

Any advice, opinions, ideas would be great. Thanks!
 

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Hi there,

I thought I would share my two cents on this with you.

First of all - having a dog is a big responsibility as I'm sure you already understand. Puppies require more attention and will suck more of your time, but adult dogs require less time once they fit in.

Being constantly at home makes you an ideal dog owner. That alone makes you perfectly fit to have a dog.

Walking is a must, but since you have kids - you have to go for walks anyway. With a dog though - you can go to dog parks and have even more fun.

From what I hear (KIDS WILL NOT HELP WITH CHORES)... Don't have kids myself, but everyone says that the interest fades when novelty wears out.

Once dogs grow up - which is fairly quick - you already do all the things they love. You have a house full of people so they are not alone and you have to go out daily anyway. that's all dogs require in my book. Walk and companionship.

I cannot even begin to tell you what joys a dog will bring into your life. I am sure that you will be glad once you get over the first few months.

I strongly vote that you DO get a dog, but pay attention to the breed. Do not get a hyper active dog with kids. Labs, Golder retrievers and alike are ideal.

Good luck.
 

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I think you have enough irons in the fire now. If you wanted the pup it would be different because the drive necessary to do all the work/care/walks/cleaning/etc etc
would be inside you. Trust me the work will all be yours, it may not be stated before pup is attained that you will have to do all the work but it will end up that way. This should be an interesting thread later on.
 

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I appreciate the fact that you are willing to listen to him! So many of us would just tell our spouses "NO WAY" if they wanted something we did not!

Having a dog is a big responsibility, I agree. I'm not so sure it is a good idea if both of you are not on board with the idea. Let's face it, since your husband works outside the home, most of the responsibility of training the puppy will fall on you (and if you run an in-home daycare, I'm sure your hands are already full!). If you don't want a puppy, it's just not going to work.

Having a puppy is difficult. I just got one 5 days ago. Here are a few of my observations:

1) The puppy must be watched AT ALL TIMES. NOT ONE SECOND should he or she get out of your sight, because that might mean a puddle or a pile on your carpet, or something eaten/chewed that wasn't supposed to be.

2) I'm crate training, but it breaks my heart to hear my puppy cry to get out of her crate. Since you do daycare in your home, there is no way you'll have time to just let puppy run around the house and watch her. This mean's he or she will be in her crate, most likely crying to get out, for at least a couple of weeks.

3) Puppies chew/bite. It would be impossible to have the puppy out when you have other people's kids in your home. My puppy hasn't yet bit hard enough to puncture the skin, but some parents would not care. Their kid would say, "Mommy, the day care lady's puppy bit me" and all heck would break loose. It might be a lawsuit waiting to happen (I work at a personal injury law firm. Trust me, I've seen it all).

4) Last night, I was rejoicing at only having to get up twice to take my puppy out to go potty. That's because the night before, she got me up every two hours.

Despite all this, I wouldn't trade Luna for the world, and neither would my husband. She's just so sweet and loving... the rewards of having her far outweigh the stress/difficulties. But, then again, we both wanted a dog. Despite this, I can see little potential fights/relationship strains cropping up already. I told my hubby I'd be mostly responsible for the pup (because I have more experience, and he takes responsibility for the cats). I'm going to be completely honest: have already felt a little resentful towards him when I'm getting up at 3am and he's staying under the warm covers. I'm feeling slightly irritated when he's a little late getting home from floor hockey and I have things to do, but can't because I'm watching the pup. We've talked through all these feelings, and the issues don't last because we both wanted a puppy and we both knew what we were getting into beforehand. If one spouse wanted the dog and the other did not... it just seems like it has the potential to drive a rift in the marriage.

At the same time, it seems sad that your husband won't be able to have a dog when he wants one so badly. Have you thought about compromising with an older dog? The shelters are chalk full of them... just make sure you go to an honest, reputable shelter that will be honest about the dog's history. Visit the dog a lot before deciding to adopt (to make sure he or she is right for you and doesn't have any dangerous vices)... first you and your husband and then bring the kids (wouldn't want to get their hopes up unnecessarily). There are dogs in the shelter that are just there because maybe their owner died, or maybe their family couldn't afford to keep them any longer. These types of dogs make great family pets, without the huge adjustment that a puppy or abused/neglected dog would cause.

I hope this helps, and am sorry to be so long winded!
 

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Are you against a dog entirely, or just the idea of a puppy? I know that Titus was brought home around a year of age from a shelter and was easy as pie to get trained and setttled in with our life. Kai, on the other hand, was brought home at 8 weeks old and is a completely different situation and whole lot more work, for a much longer period of time.

Woud you be willing to compromise with your husband and rescue a dog that was more towards a year old maybe? That way not needing as much of the training (or for as long) as a puppy would?
 

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Are you against a dog entirely, or just the idea of a puppy? I know that Titus was brought home around a year of age from a shelter and was easy as pie to get trained and setttled in with our life. Kai, on the other hand, was brought home at 8 weeks old and is a completely different situation and whole lot more work, for a much longer period of time.

Woud you be willing to compromise with your husband and rescue a dog that was more towards a year old maybe? That way not needing as much of the training (or for as long) as a puppy would?
You didn't read her full post?
She likes dogs, but isn't very excited over the amount of time she will have to put on the pup.

Plus her situation makes it very hard for her family to have a dog at the time.
Both parents work and the kids right now won't help with the pup, they are excited about football.

At least i wouldn't get a pup in your situation, it's too risky right now!
 

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Have you considered fostering a dog for a rescue? That would give your family a glipse of what owning a dog is like, then you could discuss it after everyone has had some experience with it. Another good option would be to adopt a dog from a rescue (one that uses foster homes) that is a year old (or older) and already trained. Right now a lot of good, trained dogs are being given up because their owners cannot afford to care for them.
 

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Getting a puppy is a total pain in the buttocks. They are nothing but work, sleep deprivation, frustration, and expense. I completely recommend that you get one.

Seriously, puppies are an awful lotta work. There will be many times when you'll want to just drive a new pup to the nearest shelter and be done with him. That's the case if you are doing it right, at least. The other side of the coin is that owning a dog is extremely rewarding. It is also a great family activity, and one that teaches kids responsibility. Your two oldest are still too young to be held responsible for the dog's care (IMO), but they can absolutely do some of the work. They can also assist in the dog's training.

Properly training and caring for a dog is an excellent opportunity to teach major life lessons to a child. An 8 or 9 year old is certainly old enough to understand the principle of "hose out the dog's run on Saturday morning or no spending money/Playstation/whatever". Kids that age (and even your youngest) can be involved in the pup's training. I'd consider that a deal breaker, in fact. You can immediately disabuse your husband of the notion that "it will be fun". It will be fun, but the 1st year can be a trial.

Dogs can be trained to travel peaceably in the car for 4 hours at a time. Look for a litter born in May and your hubby (off for the summer) can do the housebreaking. Lots easier in warm weather. A well mannered dog will be a gas at the lake house. Get a dog that's a good fit for your family, train him/her up correctly, and you'll wonder how you ever got along without one.

Ultimately though, you do all have to be on the same page before the animal comes home.
 

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You didn't read her full post?
She likes dogs, but isn't very excited over the amount of time she will have to put on the pup.

Plus her situation makes it very hard for her family to have a dog at the time.
Both parents work and the kids right now won't help with the pup, they are excited about football.

At least i wouldn't get a pup in your situation, it's too risky right now!
Wow, no need to be so snarky.

I read her entire post, thank you very much. You might want to consider re-reading my question and suggestions to her though.

She stated that her husband wants to get a puppy -
My husband wants us to get a puppy.
A puppy and an older, but young, dog are not the same thing. So I my questions were to clarify if her desire to not have a new puppy were strictly to puppies or to a dog at all.

She stated that her husband works, and she does daycare in their home. Since she stays home, I would conclude that she would end up with the majority of the training of any new dog or puppy brought into the family. I can completely understand not wanting a puppy in that situation with kids to manage all day and then to add a *puppy* on top of it.

I personally don't think that a dog, of say around a year old or older, would require the same amount of training, nor for nearly as long, as a puppy would. (This is from my own experience) This would make the work involved easier. Therefore I posed the idea to her for consideration if she hadn't already thought of it herself to ponder.

I do like the idea of fostering as possibly an option to help show the family what all is involved. My only hesitation with that would be that the kids are young and may not completely understand that the dog is not permanent. It may also stir up the excitement in them to really want a dog after that, even though it's probably Mom & Dad that would be holding all there responsibility of care, hard for a kid to understand how much work it is.
 

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Has he read the posts here about puppies ? :D
Marsh Puppet hit it pretty much accurate . They are a huge time consuming pain in the ass ! BUT IMO well worth the trouble . You will end up with a cherished friend. I went with a puppy as opposed to a older dog because I wanted to go through all of this with him ,the ups and downs , bonding from the start ( hourly pee's etc...,yes that means all night too ) I know that sounds weird and some here probably understand that . Choose a breed that's wonderful and patient with kids and you will be fine .

Just my 2 cents !




He says, "Don't worry, it will be fun."
 

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Everyone else has already given you a ton of great advice on the work a puppy, and an adult dog, take.

With that said, I don't think a puppy should be brought into the home without everyone being 100% on board. That includes you. Dogs are a commitment, and a long one. If you cannot agree to having a dog, or the work that it takes to raise, train, and properly care for one, then please do not bring one into the home.
 

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I think you have enough irons in the fire now. If you wanted the pup it would be different because the drive necessary to do all the work/care/walks/cleaning/etc etc
would be inside you. Trust me the work will all be yours, it may not be stated before pup is attained that you will have to do all the work but it will end up that way. This should be an interesting thread later on.
i agree with this. its obvious he doesnt know all the work it takes to raise a puppy and he probably is not bothered thinking about it much either since youre the one at home more and will be doing most of the work anyways.
 

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I figured I would tell you how it's been for me. I am a mother of 4 children aged 4 almost 5 yr old, 6yr old, 9 almost 10 yr old and a 12 yr old. We also have a cat and 2 dogs of our own and one that we are taking care of till the end of Feb.. I am also a dayhome provider.

We adopted Bayne(GSDx) from the local shelter back in Sept.. He was a yr old and I fell in love with him! The good thing was that he was housebroken and had some basic obedience. We also already had a cat so we made sure that he wouldn't go after her too much. Then in November we got a 12 week old puppy(RottieX) that had lost most of her litter mates to drowning. It's been difficult having a puppy but very rewarding. I am the one that does most of the work! I have baby gates set up and the kids and my hubby help. It can be done and really isn't that bad, as long as you are willing to do it. If you aren't willing, than you should not get a puppy.

How about getting an older dog from a shelter or a rescue? Still would involve a little work but not nearly as much as a puppy.
 

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Eeek! Every time I've known a family where Dad wanted to get a puppy and Mom didn't (and Dad won), of course Mom ends up doing all the work. One situation the poor dog ended up at a shelter, the other situations turned out OK for the dog, but Mom wasn't real happy, LOL.

Personally, I don't care for puppies. I prefer to adopt an adult dog. Puppies are adorable, but sooooo much work. And I don't even have kids. I can't imagine trying to raise a puppy AND kids, much less run a daycare, too.
 

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I'll put in my 2 cents:
I never wanted to raise another puppy!! Our other dog passed away 3 years ago at the age of 13 and I never wanted to go through that loss again and remembering when she was a puppy and my daughter was young was a very cranky time although they did keep eachother entertained [ my daughter accidently slammed her poor tail in the door and the vet had to snip it off]
Now years later my daughter who is 19 yrs. now wanted another puppy soooo I gave in knowing full well my life would not be the same, but she was willing to pay for half and I figured maybe she will be responsible since she's putting alot of money into this pup but..... NO WAY!! she was good for a bit but then realized all the work involved. She has since moved in with her boyfriend and they can't have any pets where they live and now there's no way I'd let her go now anyways! I'm totally attatched to the crazy loving pup and she's staying with me and my misery :)
 

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Hello

I am a stay at home mum with 3 kids (2 21/2 twins) 9 year old girl.

I wanted a puppy and my husband didnt, but i convinced him and as its my dog i do everything for the dog, my husband is very happy.

I think it would be to much of a rod for you to beat your husband's back with if you arent on board with a dog.

You know you will do most of the stuff for the dog as its just the way mum's are.

I can see you would like to let your hubby have a dog, but i think you realize a lot of the work would fall on your plate and you are saying your plate is over full at this time.

Jay
 

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I don't think you should get a puppy...


if you DO end up with a dog I would strongly suggest an older dog from rescue....this is why..

a. less work. Older dogs...like three years and up...are past the awkward puppy and doggie teenager stages. they don't require as much as a puppy.

b. Most shelters and rescues will have at least some notes as to how well the dog does around kids, cats, etc..

c. You will be saving a life that has very little chance when compared to a rescue puppy. Everyone wants puppies....the older ones often end up in rescue being passed around...simply because they are older...and if you really want to give a chance to the chanceless you will get a black one...

d. the rescue..if a good one...will take back the dog if it doesn't work out.
 

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I think a well behaved rescued adult dog might fit in well, but if you don't want to handle a puppy, then do NOT get one. It will be a disaster.

I'm the second oldest out of five kids (youngest is 8, I think. LOL She might still be seven. :D) and a freshman in college pulling anywhere from 14-17 credit hours and double shifts at work on the weekend. My dad works full time and is gone most of the day. My mom works part time while the kids are in school and then her evenings are filled with shuffling kids around to basketball games and dance competitions/lessons. Once basketball season lets up it is baseball, and when it isn't baseball it is soccor, and when it isn't soccor...you get the idea.

We have three dogs. A 13 year old, a 10 year old, and a 1 1/2 year old. We also have a Cockatiel, a cat, two ferrets, two guinea pigs, a fish, a hamster, a gerbil, and my mom just promised my younger sister that if she can get and keep her grades up she can get two Budiges.

We have a very full house. We have a very full life. An unhousebroken, untrained, unsocailized puppy that needs to go pee every 45 minutes would NOT work in our current situation. I brought home Chloe (the 1 1/2 year old) my senior year of highschool over the summer - I had time to handle a puppy then. If she was a puppy now? It wouldn't work. As it is, everything has worked out beautifully as she can handle being home alone all day and is a well adjusted, well behaved dog (for the most part ;) ).

Just recentally I took in a Pug puppymill rescue until she could get transported to another foster home. Having another dog in the house wasn't bad...what was bad was having an unhousebroken dog in the house. If she had been housebroken, it wouldn't have bugged anyone. But we did not, and do not, have the time to sit down and housebreak a dog and work through many trust/socialization issues.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...an older dog (3+ years) or a well behaved young dog (1+ years) might be okay with your situation.

I would also suggest you lay out some ground rules. Tell your husband that if you do get a dog, it will be an older dog and not a puppy. It will be his responsibility and that while you will help him, he will be doing 95% of the work. If he shirks, then it won't be pretty. Shoot, before I brought back Chloe I worked up a contract with my dad stating that if I failed to do such-and-such-and-such, then Chloe would be rehomed. Almost two years later and she's still here. :)

On that note, fostering may be a good idea to start out with. You can bring in a dog and see how it works out. It may not be as bad as you think and your husband just might help out more than you are expecting. If it is too much stress and your husband is shirking his duties, then you can always back out gracefully and not get a dog.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Thanks so much for all your replies. They have been very helpful. I'm definitely seeing the agreement among you that yes, puppies are a lot of work. But for how long approximately does the really exhausting part last? Like my husband, I work during the school year only. (At least for now. After a couple more years, I may be back to a different line of work, year round.) So we'll all be off work and school this year from June 12th - August 23rd. So that is the factor that gets me leaning a little towards realizing that we could do it. But I don't really know about the timing of things such as when they're likely to be sleeping through the night and no longer going to the bathroom anywhere they please. We do have a camping trip and another trip to a cabin planned for June, so I don't think it would make sense to bring a pup home till the first week of July. If we doing really well with training, how smoothly do you think things can be going along by the end of August? Also, we normally make the 3 hour trip to the lake home several times over the summer. If we had a pup, can we already take it on a car trip after just a few days or a week home? I understand these are loaded questions because every dog is different, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to figure out. I'm sure it would be a Golden or a Lab. Thanks for any more replies! This is really going to help a lot to assist my husband and I figuring this out.

I do also like the idea of an older pup/young dog. We would need to really make sure it would do well with the kids though. I think I'd be nervous that we're not sure what we're getting into with a dog that's already developed their personality and habits and all. Would we just need to make sure we spend as much time as possible getting to know the dog before deciding? Aren't dogs in general so much what their owners make them to be? I hope you know what I mean. Thanks again!
 

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Puppy:
My Kai was house broken within a week of breaking him home at 8 weeks old. He was sleeping through the night by about a month (maybe a month and a half) after I brought him home (so he was 3 to 3.5 months old).

Car rides were never an issue with him. His first trip home from the breeder was a 2 hour car ride that he sat in my lap for (a friend drove). After that, I had him in the backseat of my car for vet visits and such with a hammock like designed car seat cover so he could learn. That was only needed for about a month. He made 1 mess in the car, and that was his nerves the first time he was in the backseat, and the cover I had for it was perfect, never let the wetness get through to the car seat. (Granted, Kai needed a bath, but that's ok :) ) He now is a great backseat/trunk rider (I have an open trunk SUV car).

The only thing that took forever with him was the wait to take him out and walk him and such as you need to really wait until they are fully vaccinated before going out and about. Our neighborhood is full of dogs and there is a great open area a block away from us that my older dog romps in and such. Kai had to wait until he'd had all 3 of his vaccinations (done a month apart) before he could go with Titus on these trips. So we played in the backyard. So your trips to the lake house may be fine, I just don't know what the area is like for other dogs on your property and such if he isn't fully vaccinated. I know my families lake house is one that Kai could go to, but we just didn't get out there.

All in all, I felt very comfortable with his training level that I would have taken him with me to the lake house with in a month of bringin him home. Woulda just packed up his crate with everything else and handled it no differently than when we were at home.

Kai is still learning his obediance. For the most part he obeys, but he's a tough cookie and sometimes wants to do his own thing and has to be reminded I'm alpha, not him. But then again he's only 5.5 months old :)

Older Dog/Puppy
Titus took about a day to housetrain after bringing him home at what we guess was a year old. We kept him crated when we weren't home, but he did wonderfully free roaming the house from the get go when we were around. He quickly learned what he could and couldn't do. We did work with chewing with him, but that's to be expected of any young dog.

Vaccinations were done prior to us getting him from the shelter, so there was no wait time there for where he could and couldn't go.

He LOVED the car with the windows cracked (where as Kai doesn't know what it's like to have the windows open, he's just happy as is) otherwise he would pace the backseat looking for a window he could sniff at.

He quickly learned his obediance (sit, stay, come) with in just a couple of weeks.​

This is my experiance. Kai is an Alaskan Malamute, and Titus is a mix from a shelter.

I understand the concern on not knowing the background of a dog you rescue. I had it as well, but I've also always been very lucky in that my dogs have never had issues that they didn't come out of (mainly very shy, reserved, cautious dogs at first. Then became very open, loving, and happy dogs with time and lots of love).
 
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