my dog was a puppy when i adopted her and she is now 13. seeing as an "old dog" is causing me so much sadness. i can see some of her hearing starting to go, it has been this way for a while. she is not deaf, but her hearing is not as sharp as it once was. mentally i see some decline too. she used to be sharper. if i opened the car door, she knew what it meant. if i said, "do you want to go out" she was up and running. those things have changed and my heart is broken. i feel i have failed her somehow. i have never had alot of money but i wanted the best for her. in my heart and in my dreams i wanted a huge house she could run around in and i could chase her and have other doggies to be her sister and brother. i wanted a pool for her to swim in and a beautiful yard. instead of that i have had to live in small apartments and low income apts at that. i have tried to be loving to her. but i feel i have failed her by not providing her the things that money can buy. i have fed her the best of food and supplied her with toys and veterinary care. but seeing her age and be "old" now is making me feel i have let her down. she never got that house, or that pool or that yard. and when she was younger i was sure that someday i would have those things for her and it never happened. i get impatient with her sometimes when she isn't as on the ball. even annoyed. i don't abuse her though. never. and i feel guilty when i say "do you want to go out" and she just looks at me instead of barging for the door knocking me over. i feel guilty becuase sometimes i say, "ok then, stay there". i don't give her credit for aging. i act like she is being bad or something. no i don't hit her but i have cursed at her a couple of times in anger and feel terrible. i cursed at her when she was a puppy once and i still can't forget it. it was in front of people and that was so wrong. she has never been beaten or anything, or left alone to fend for herself. i just feel she may have had a happier life with maybe a married couple so she could have gotten twice the love. i have had health problems since i have had her and she has had to suffer along with me trying to get better. so i feel she could had a better life. i try to enjoy every day i have with her. i take her on walks but i can't always take her on the long walks we used to take. i take pictures of her too. but i keep looking at that old dog that was young not that long ago. and it makes me cry. i feel sorry for her. i feel sorry for her that she is not a puppy anymore and i have to face the fact that she isn't. i don't know what i am asking for or even saying. i just feel like she got cheated because she got stuck with a parent like me who has been sick and hasn't had much money. i feel so guilty. this is the first time for me, having a dog and seeing her through her whole life. is it normal to feel sad when you see them old and you had them when they were babies? i can remember all the stupid things she did as a "kid". i wish it was me who was going to someday go first instead of her and that she could live a long life and have lots of love. i don't mean to sound morbid. i want and always wanted the best for her and i blame myself that she didn't grow up in a big house with all the stuff that goes with it. i have had legal problems and stuff but have never given her away or abused her. i just feel she could have had a better life. but i will tell you this, if the measure of a good life is how much love is in a heart, i have had as much love for her as anyone. no one could have loved her more. thank you for listening.