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ISO: Advice on adopting after recent losses

5040 Views 62 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  PatriciafromCO
So, I realize this is an intensely personal question and only my husband and myself can make the best decision we can for us, but I could really use some advice or stories or anything helpful regarding adopting a new dog after yours dies.

Sebastian, the dog my husband and I adopted when we first moved in together, died on January 3rd, just a few months after my family dog from childhood died as well. Obviously, it's been a lot of loss in a short period of time. I have not lived in a house without a dog since I was 13 and I will be 30 next year. I hate being in a house without a dog even more than I thought I would (and it is a "house" without a dog, not a "home"). I hate it so much. I am so lonely without both of them. Further, I have serious and chronic health problems of my own... neither Bailey nor Sebastian were service animals, but I did not realize how much my health relied on them until they were gone. Or maybe the stress of their passing has thrown my system out of whack, which is also entirely possible.

Basically, I feel like I'm ready to start looking for our next family member. The idea that a new dog could in any way replace Bailey or Sebastian is absolutely unthinkable to me, so believe me that is not what this is. Or, that's certainly not what we want it to be, but I am also well aware that my husband and I are still very early in the grieving process for Sebastian and that we need to be cautious in our decision making. I think we are, though. We are keeping the lines of communication open with each other and when we browsed on Petfinder we sent an enquiry about ONE dog that looked like he'd fit our lives... not 100 questions about 100 animals that who knows if they'd work for us.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for stories about when you adopted after losing another pet. Did you do so quickly? Did it take years? Have you reached your last dog? I would also be extremely curious to hear from those who have fallen in love with specific breeds. Sebastian was Pyr mix and we are hoping for another mix or full bred Pyr, but want to be congnisant about not comparing him to Sebastian. At the same time, we know lots of people who will get the same breed over and over again. Bailey was my first dog from childhood and Sebastian was my first dog I adopted myself as an adult so this is the "first second dog" for everyone and we are all feeling a bit lost about it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, while recognizing (again) that no one else can make this decision for us.

Thanks in advance.
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I'm sorry for your losses. I haven't had to go through this yet with any of my own dogs thankfully - they are both still fairly young (6 & 4). My husband is adamant that he will not get another dog ever once Pepper & Kane are gone (he's especially bonded to Kane). I can understand that, but I can see us possibly getting another dog once the grieving has lessened (maybe a couple of years later). However, Kane (the younger of the two) is very close with Pepper and he also has separation anxiety. Assuming Pepper passes first I don't think Kane will handle it well. We may end up making the decision to get another dog at that point, to help him out as well as us. We'll just have to make those decisions when the time comes.

Don't feel guilty about looking for another dog already. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong in this situation :)
I don't think it would hurt to ask for a discount and explain the reasons you think the price should be more in line other rescues (i.e. discount for second dog). They know you are seriously interested and a good match so hopefully they will be able to knock something off the price. Something is better than nothing. Personally that would have been one of the first questions I asked! They might have assumed that since you didn't ask the price, that it didn't matter and you were willing to pay whatever they were charging.

If they're not willing to budge, maybe you could ask to do a week or two trial period with the dogs before making a final decision? You won't truly know what you're getting yourself into until the dogs are with you in your home.
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