[Animal_Lovr]

Ok so... I just wanted to find help because I'm on my floor nearly in tears. This happens a lot, I just go back down memory lane and remember the stuff I used to do to my dogs when I was younger. I am a teenager now, but I used to abuse my dogs whenever I was like 6-11. I didn't really even know I was abusing them, I knew it was wrong, but whenever my dogs wouldn't listen to me I'd fly into a literal fit of rage, hitting them, beating them, choking them, all this crazy stuff. On walks when they'd bark or pull, I'd lift them onto their hind legs with the leash, which would choke them. I look back on it and I feel awful, like, if I could change one thing in my life it would be that. I love animals so much and I loved dogs but I would just get so angry at them and abuse them and I DON'T KNOW WHY. Like seriously, I can't figure it out. Occasionally, now that I'm older, I'll find myself sometimes raising my voice at one of my dogs and maybe giving him or her a slap on the rump, but I don't beat them anymore.

Why did I do that as a kid? I was never abused, I had a great life and I still do... I have a huge heart and I'm even a vegetarian because I love animals so much but I just seriously hate my dogs sometimes. A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and panic disorder but idk if that has something to do with it

Please help, I feel like a horrid rotten human being and I know that I am for doing this, I just want to die sometimes because I think back on it. why did I do this as a kid? how can I forgive myself, and how can I get rid of my anger once and for all? I've seen a therapist, but she was no help. I'm just really really sad and upset and feel horrid right now.

 

[DaySleepers]

ADHD does include a lot of emotional dysregulation and impulse control issues. Not an excuse by any means, but looking into those aspects of it might help you understand things better.

Honestly, if you have the means to do so I'd try finding a different therapist. It's very much a field where not every therapist or therapeutic approach is going to work for everyone, and it can take a few tries to find the right fit (there's also outright terrible therapists out there). There's online options now if that works better for you - it may give you access to more professionals who have the right skill set and experience to help you work through this.

 

[fosterDog]

Sounds like you were a kid that would get really frustrated and then act out when you were frustrated.

It's not that uncommon. Honestly it doesn't sound like you were just torturing them for fun on a good day??

You were just frustrated and didn't know any better its nothing to beat yourself up over as an adult.
Go get baptized or something lol. whatever it takes, set down that burden of shit you did when you were a child.

Nobody is gonna judge you for being a frustrated 6 year old they are gonna judge you for the actions you take when you are old enough to know better.

 

[Animal_Lovr]

Thanks guys, this really helped me to feel better <3 I will look into getting a different therapist.

 

[ClanWorgen]

We all did dumb things when we were kids. I know I wasn't the nicest to our family pets when I was 10 and under. Kids are stupid, they don't understand right from wrong, try your best not to hold onto it.

 

[Bruce W Sims]

We all did dumb things when we were kids. I know I wasn't the nicest to our family pets when I was 10 and under. Kids are stupid, they don't understand right from wrong, try your best not to hold onto it.

We all did dumb things when we were kids. I know I wasn't the nicest to our family pets when I was 10 and under. Kids are stupid, they don't understand right from wrong, try your best not to hold onto it.

As a retired Clinical Counselor may I encourage you to undergo some standard testing rather than a typical office assessment? This will accomplish two things. 1.) Testing is based on who you are Today. Whatever circumstances or conditions you had in the past may have little or nothing to do with the person you are now. 2.) Standardized Testing such as Neuropsychlogical Testing increases the odds you will know what you are dealing with, as an adult, and not trusting solely in a professional opinion.
Lastly, may I encourage you to reflect on your difficulty in excusing bad choices and outcomes. Our Society has a lot of Kudos for people who make Good......read also Socially Approved......decisions. Socially Disapproved decisions? Not so much. You're pretty much on your own. You might want to start with being a tad easier on yourself. If it were me I might start with having a talk with each dog telling them what was going on from Your side, then change places and give the dog a voice to say how They felt. Just a thought....

Best Wishes,

Bruce

 

[ClanWorgen]

@Bruce W Sims did you mean to quote me?

 

[Bruce W Sims]

@Bruce W Sims did you mean to quote me?

Actually it was the TS I was thinking of. Sorry for the confusion. Color me "old".
Best Wishes,
Bruce

 

[RonE]

Time out for this brief commercial message. The forum software can be confusing. If you read a post and click REPLY you would logically assume you could just reply.

But no. If you click on REPLY it will quote that entire post. If you click on QUOTE, the forum is expecting you to quote multiple previous posts. Consequently we get entirely too much unnecessary quoted stuff cluttering up the forum. Why would you want to quote the original post in a thread when yours is the very first response? I can tell you I've been here for, what?, 14 years, and I still get caught sometimes.

The only real way to reply without quoting anybody is to just start typing in the open text box at the bottom. (Where it says POST YOUR REPLY.) When you're done, click on POST REPLY and, presto, Bob's your uncle.

We will now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[AlexKreitto]

It's essential to remember that whatever you did in the past, you can still be a better person now and make sure it never happens again. It's possible that your mental health issues, like ADHD and OCD, can play a role in how you react in certain situations.

 

[RonE]

This thread is 2 years old and the original poster has not been here for 2 years. So I am closing it to avoid confusion.