I haven't been on here in 5 years (2 posts, new member no replies) so I gave up sort of...
However that's not overly important.
My dog is literally all I have in terms of family and my problem now is that she's aged, approximately 13 years and a few months maybe.
I had 2 others, once when I was younger and in my teens to early 20's, but Cindy is MY ONE true dog.
Now that our walks are shorter, she has a few conditions going on sadly (thyroid, cushings, spondylosis) it's absolutely killing me inside.
Every single time I have to give her, her pills, it's just a constant reminder of how things badly have gotten.
On a personal note, I have depression and this dog from day one has changed my life for the better, but the aging process is just slowing killing me inside.
To some of you, I may some weak or whatever, but she really is all I have.
While I have friends, I don't have "family" as to the definition of a "nuclear one".
I have friends sure, but Cindy has been someone that literally went wherever I went - I worked for myself and have been grateful to have customers to allow me to bring her along to their homes - hope you can understand the degree to how much this dog was attached to the hip with me.
Our daily walks were long and now they've been drastically cut back.
I remember asking myself when they gave me a room to spend time with her (at the Humane Society), "in 10-15 years, do I want to go through losing you?"...
...so of course I adopted her, I just couldn't say no.
It absolutely kills me to think of "THAT DAY" when the time comes.
She's a very sweet timid dog, part of it because of the home she was in - father heavy drinker, verbally abusive, very confrontational... of course, in turn I had anger and she fed off of that.
I have this huge guilt just hanging over me now, eating away at me.
The good times and the ESPECIALLY the bad and I want to focus on the good.
She still wants to follow me everywhere I go to this day and part of me is wanting to push her away because (in my eyes) I feel like I'm going to lose her, so why not start the process now....
....it may seem twisted to the majority of you, but it's how I'm dealing with it.
I'm not sure what to do, because I'm incessantly thinking about how things will be without her.
I know I shouldn't, but I do.
I know I should enjoy the time I have with her now and I really do try to, but the skies aren't as blue as they used to be on our walks, nor is the grass as green.
A lady I walk with (and her Maltese Terrier) lost her husband a month ago (he was 79) and it was the first time I've been to a funeral in 20 years. It really hit me then.
She has a SUPERB family support system 4 adult children who love her dearly and care for her.
I'm just a complete stranger on a dog forum, reaching out to others for advice, help, suggestions, experiences, whatever.
It's just crushing me inside and I feel after losing my dog, I would be absolutely lost and feel like there is nothing left.
If anyone has any snide remarks or "get some balls" type comments, I'd really rather you don't.
However that's not overly important.
My dog is literally all I have in terms of family and my problem now is that she's aged, approximately 13 years and a few months maybe.
I had 2 others, once when I was younger and in my teens to early 20's, but Cindy is MY ONE true dog.
Now that our walks are shorter, she has a few conditions going on sadly (thyroid, cushings, spondylosis) it's absolutely killing me inside.
Every single time I have to give her, her pills, it's just a constant reminder of how things badly have gotten.
On a personal note, I have depression and this dog from day one has changed my life for the better, but the aging process is just slowing killing me inside.
To some of you, I may some weak or whatever, but she really is all I have.
While I have friends, I don't have "family" as to the definition of a "nuclear one".
I have friends sure, but Cindy has been someone that literally went wherever I went - I worked for myself and have been grateful to have customers to allow me to bring her along to their homes - hope you can understand the degree to how much this dog was attached to the hip with me.
Our daily walks were long and now they've been drastically cut back.
I remember asking myself when they gave me a room to spend time with her (at the Humane Society), "in 10-15 years, do I want to go through losing you?"...
...so of course I adopted her, I just couldn't say no.
It absolutely kills me to think of "THAT DAY" when the time comes.
She's a very sweet timid dog, part of it because of the home she was in - father heavy drinker, verbally abusive, very confrontational... of course, in turn I had anger and she fed off of that.
I have this huge guilt just hanging over me now, eating away at me.
The good times and the ESPECIALLY the bad and I want to focus on the good.
She still wants to follow me everywhere I go to this day and part of me is wanting to push her away because (in my eyes) I feel like I'm going to lose her, so why not start the process now....
....it may seem twisted to the majority of you, but it's how I'm dealing with it.
I'm not sure what to do, because I'm incessantly thinking about how things will be without her.
I know I shouldn't, but I do.
I know I should enjoy the time I have with her now and I really do try to, but the skies aren't as blue as they used to be on our walks, nor is the grass as green.
A lady I walk with (and her Maltese Terrier) lost her husband a month ago (he was 79) and it was the first time I've been to a funeral in 20 years. It really hit me then.
She has a SUPERB family support system 4 adult children who love her dearly and care for her.
I'm just a complete stranger on a dog forum, reaching out to others for advice, help, suggestions, experiences, whatever.
It's just crushing me inside and I feel after losing my dog, I would be absolutely lost and feel like there is nothing left.
If anyone has any snide remarks or "get some balls" type comments, I'd really rather you don't.