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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Randomly a few days ago, I woke up to a text message saying, "Michael Jackson is dead". I couldn't believe it, I ran straight out of my room to tell my mom. On my way to tell my mom, I jumped over my dog of almost thirteen years, Saydee. As I told my mom we both just couldn't believe it. As we walked downstairs to watch the news to confirm the news of Mj's death, my mom noticed my dog was shivering, and looked sickly sitting in her favorite spot(right above the stairs). She looked like a different dog. I could hardly recognize her. My mom then said," She probably just has the flu or cold I will take her to the vet tomorrow if she isn't feeling better. We gave her a few aspirin but she didn't feel much better the next day. I knew something was wrong..very wrong. But, I didn't want to jump to the conclusion that she was dieing because she was PERFECTLY fine the day before, we even took her on a long walk and she seemed happy and has been for months. We knew she was getting older because she walked slower and couldn't jump up on the bed by herself anymore, but she seemed to be doing fine..like she could live a few more years.

When we took Saydee to the Vet in the afternoon the next day, the Vet said that her stomach was very hard and full. He wanted to do an xray of her abdomen just to make sure her stomach hadn't turned or she had cancer. At this point she was starting to throw up and didn't have much of an appetite at all. She began to look slimmer in the face and loosing hair. As I walked into the Vet's room after making a short call, I saw an XRAY that would change my life forever(and I don't know if it is for the better..or how I will move on). Saydee had a tumor the size of a softball in her stomach that was pushing against her kidney and liver. I couldn't believe it. I had joked around for the past twelve years about how the few lumps i felt on her might have been cancer but my mom would always reply," stop it! Saydee is fine and has many years left".

After feeling a sense of surreal shock, devistated, I broke down in tears. I couldn't believe this was happening to my dog. I immediately became consumed by anger. I was so angry that I allowed a softball sized tumor grow in my beloved dogs stomach for the past years. The Vet told us even if we operated on the tumor that her body probably couldn't handle the stress, and that she was old. He tried to comfort us by saying," if I was a dog and lived until twelve-thirteen and died of cancer but lived a fun filled life I would be a happy dog". But, this didn't help me at all. I felt like my heart had been ripped apart. I just couldn't stop asking myself why this was happening to me. I had never really thought of how my life would be without my dog Saydee. I couldn't envision my life without her.

We took my dog home and tried to spend quality time with her until we knew she was ready to go. Over the next few days, we tried to feed her but she wouldn't eat on her own, we had to fore feed her. For the first few days she could walk up the stairs by herself, but she didn't seem to be herself. It eventually got worse. She started to do wierd things such as sit by herself on the side of our house in the bushes, stare at one place for hours at end. She even tried to dig a hole randomly at night in our backyard, like she was trying to dig her grave. It became harder and harder to watch Saydee suffer. I couldn't sleep for two days. The constant memories of her and thought of her not being their filled my mind. Decreasing my apetite to almost nothing. I have lost 5 pounds since the news of her demise. Saydee loved my Mother the most, she was like her little sidekick. When my mom was around Saydee or if Saydee saw her, she would become ecstatic and happy. Her tail would wag non stop. We knew it was time to put her to sleep when she wouldn't even look at my Mother, let alone wag her tail. It is like she had given up on life..it was so heartbreaking to watch. We decided to put her to sleep yesterday. It was the worst day of my life. I held her neck during her euthanization. I thought I wouldn't cry because I had cried so much over the past few days..but when I saw the saringe full of morphine I broke down in tears. I didn't want to let her go, I felt a part of me would never be the same. I became bitter. Feeling the life of my beloved dog excrete from her body was the worst feeling in the world, and watching her body twitches after was like torture. I don't know how to get better. I can't stop thinking about her, and wishing I could relive the thirteen years with her. I feel like my mind is plagued forever. What hurts even more, is that for the past four years we have been just calling Saydee a fat dog. Little did we know...she wasn't fat, but had a tumor taking over her stomach. I feel so guilty, like I should have taken her to the vet more or known.


RIP Saydee May
Nov 97- June 27 2009

Many people might read this and say, "Saydee was just a dog you will be fine". But Saydee was more than just a dog to me. She was my best friend, my will to move on. I just wish I could see her one last time as a healthy dog. When I come home to find just one dog waiting at the door for me..I always break down in tears. Saydee May Puliyanda was my best friend and the sweetest heart I have met thus far in my life. I only wish I will have the opportunity to meet a another dog with such a heart. Most of me just feels bitter, I don't even think I want another dog in my lifetime. No dog will replace Saydee.
 

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That was a lot of personal info and not necessary, it sounds like your dog did a marvelous job while here. I believe she would prefer you get another dog to take over watching over you. Look at it this way, you say how much your dog helped you maybe it's time for payback. Somewhere there is a dog out there that could use your help. Wouldn't that be nice? It's a personal decision though. Sorry for your loss
 

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All living things die, but that does not make it any easier when our hearts are broken by loss of a dear one.

I lost a dog nearly 8 years ago and I still grieve her, but I would not have missed "the dance" with her for anything.

Deepest sympathy on your loss.
 

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I am sorry to hear about your loss of Saydee. It's never easy and it is still very recent. You did the right thing by sending her to the bridge and she will be with you in spirit. Our pets do not live as long as we do and that is the heartbreak inherent in each and every one...but they give us so much joy that the heartbreak must be tempered by a gratitude that we have them as long as we do.
Give yourself time to mourn. Someday the pain will be lessened and the hole filled with the good memories that don't hurt as much.

And to the rest..yes it may be a TMI sort of situation for the OP, but I get a sense this is a very young person and a first personal loss. Be gentle.
 

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I am sorry to hear about your loss of Saydee. It's never easy and it is still very recent. You did the right thing by sending her to the bridge and she will be with you in spirit. Our pets do not live as long as we do and that is the heartbreak inherent in each and every one...but they give us so much joy that the heartbreak must be tempered by a gratitude that we have them as long as we do.
Give yourself time to mourn. Someday the pain will be lessened and the hole filled with the good memories that don't hurt as much.

And to the rest..yes it may be a TMI sort of situation for the OP, but I get a sense this is a very young person and a first personal loss. Be gentle.
well she talked about her high school years as if they were in the past, which gives me the idea that she is early 20's....that being said she is obviously fraught with a myriad of negative emotions and hasn't learnt to properly express them...again losing a dog is a devastating thing, so sorry
 

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Korey.. for your own well being, I suggest you go in and edit out the personal info in your post. I know you feel really bad about losing your dog and from reading the rest of the information I gently suggest you get some counseling. There is a lot more going on here in addition to the grief over your dog passing.

No pet is "just an animal" and like anything you love there is a grieving process. Time will help you.. not right now with the pain and loss fresh.. but in time it will get better.
 

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Saydee was / is obviously very special to you. Give yourself time to grieve. What you are going through is one of the stages of grieving but you can not blame yourself or allow yourself to believe that you knew she was dying and did nothing. Those lumps and bumps on the outside that you saw could have very well been lipomas which are not cancerous. Guilt is another stage of grief. It is normal to question whether something could have been done or why we didnt notice but try not to allow it to consume you. While Saydee was with you, it seems she devoted herself to you and offered you comfort when you needed it the most. She would not want you to feel this way. With a love so profound, you wont get over it in a couple days. The pain will lessen as each day passes. Try to focus on the good that she brought into your life rather than her death. If and when you are ready for another dog, you will know and if you allow it, your next dog will be just as special maybe in some likeness to Saydee or perhaps in his or her own way.
Deepest sympathies to you.
 

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Is anyone else just a bit skeptical about this?
You really thinks someone would take the time to register on a forum and craft this massive story as their first post, for absolutely no personal gain? Stranger things have happened, but I doubt it.

I am sorry for your loss.
 

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You really thinks someone would take the time to register on a forum and craft this massive story as their first post, for absolutely no personal gain? Stranger things have happened, but I doubt it.

I am sorry for your loss.
Actually, this kind of information dump is pretty common in attention-seeking posts, in which woe upon woe is heaped to make the story more "interesting." If I am wrong in agreeing with Skelaki about the apparent nature of this post, then I apologize to the OP and extend my condolences; however, since it is now summertime and school is out, I always turn a skeptical eye to this kind of post.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Ya, I am not sure why anyone would think this is fake. I thought this forum was a place for us to express our stories concerning our dogs. I thought writing this on the forum would help me express my emotions and inevitably provide me with closure. It helped ALOT, and I am starting to get over the constant grief.
 

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Wow, the compassion here is amazing!!

:confused:
I too am a little :confused: about the hostility.

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. All of us here know and understand that she wasn't "just a dog". It means so much to have someone who is always there for you and doesn't judge. It sounds like you have alot of worries right now...my advise to you is to take a chance and tell someone in real life how you feel and what's going on with you.
 

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Hi hon -

When I lost my first dog, it took me a long time to get over it. Certainly longer than just a few days. Your time frame on the post didn't quite make sense to me, but it sounds like this just happened.

Give yourself some time. After my Ingrid passed away, I didn't really want anything to do with any other dogs for 3-4 years.

Right now we're dealing with one very elderly dog & one dog that has a serious unknown illness - and we're already in the process of getting approved to foster homeless dogs. When we lose our dogs, we're going to foster and help dogs until we're ready to have another dog of our own.

I really recommend volunteering - I'm sure your local animal shelter could use some help! Even now I'm volunteering, walking rescue dogs that are being kenneled until they get foster homes, since neither of my dogs can walk or do much of anything anymore. Volunteering & helping other dogs is a great way to heal.

W
 

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I am very sorry for your loss. I can empathize with you because we lost our girl after 14 years and she was a very wonderful dog, too.

I hope that with time, you get over your loss.

It's a hard time so take it easy on yourself.
 

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Some people feel a bit better after sharing such personal feeling on the internet. I, myself am having immense trouble getting over the death of Sierra, my cockatiel, who died almost exactly one year ago, and talking about her in real life makes me cry hysterically, so that's not a good option for me when the people around me truly don't understand. But here on a forum...where people understand, and not only can't see the tears, but would understand the tears as well...

I'm sorry for you loss, hun. I can't say I know exactly what you're feeling, but I think I feel similar feelings of guilt, remorse, bitterness, etc...

And from what I'm experiencing, it gets a little better as time goes, but it will still be hard for a while. Like I said, it's been a year, and today alone, I've cried several times at the thought of my baby bird and when she died...I'm tearing up a little bit right now, actually...
 

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Actually, this kind of information dump is pretty common in attention-seeking posts, in which woe upon woe is heaped to make the story more "interesting." If I am wrong in agreeing with Skelaki about the apparent nature of this post, then I apologize to the OP and extend my condolences; however, since it is now summertime and school is out, I always turn a skeptical eye to this kind of post.
I too have been given the gift of skepticism and treat this post appropriately. It does seem a bit overdramatic, but I think kids these days are much more drama queenie (is that a word) than people used to be.

It is a lot of information. If true, then please except our condolences and do some reading on grief. It may help you out.
 

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Regardless this post is about the loss of a dearly loved dog. We all understand the sadness that goes along with losing someone we love. :( I am so sorry for your loss, Korey. Rest in Peace little Saydee May.
 
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