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Hello and thank you for reading my post.

How do my wife and I get on the same page when it comes to training and taking care of our 20 month old Morkie??



She's had dogs all of her life, he's my first. I want him in his crate during the day when we're at work, she doesn't want to come home each day and clean poop from the crate and what's on him (this happened the first week that we brought him home and he hasn't been left in the crate since). She's adamant about it and I can't change her mind. We leave him in our kitchen where he does his business half on the floor and wee wee pad.

I know it's our fault that he's not trained correctly however I'm having a big problem with my wife not listening to what I have to say about house training him. Oh yeah, his bed is my bed to where I'm constantly on 1/8th of the bed at night!

Any suggestions on how I can go about changing my wife's ways? She also thinks that the forums "don't know what they're talking about". I'm at my wits end!
 

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You won't be able to change her mind since she's had dogs all her life and you never have. The only thing you can do is train the dog to go outside or on the pad. As for the sleeping situation, my dog sleeps with us because my hubby insists, but I always move the dog if he bothers me in the middle of the night.
 

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Awwwe ... he looks soooo happy! He is in 7th Heaven using the bed! :)

If anything at all is possible ... I would try to be on the same page with the potty training .... you will probably never be able to get your wife to use the crate again ... for the dog that is! :/

I made the same mistake 5 years ago ... now my "small" dogs sleep in the bed. Once they had used a bed ... there was no turning back! Lol! :) If they get in the way ... I just move them. As long as they aren't using the bed for a toilet ... it's not so bad.

I would however suggest that when you are home to crate train him because there are times when a crate is going to be of use ... such as natural disasters ... trips ... moving ... etc. A crate should be a place of comfort and calm and where all good things take place. You could start by feeding him and treating him in the crate. :) ... with the door open.

He is adorable by the way!

Maybe you could strike up a deal ... use of the bed if she goes along with the crate training? Sounds like maybe lack of sleep from the dog kicking you out of the bed is not helping your nerves much. :)
 

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I think that you and your wife need some counseling. I also feel that she is being very unfair and selfish to how you feel about the dog. I agree with Pekinchick that you won't be able to change her mind yourself, so that is why I suggested some counseling. Now, about the dog. He definitely can use some training to learn where he should do his business among other things. You and your wife need to let your dog know who's boss in your home. You have to be the Alpha Omega, the Pack Leader. The dog will never respect you until he learns the rules and until he knows who the Pack Leader is. Be firm, and give a lot of love, praises and treats during training. You can do it!!!
 

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I think your wife is right. Leaving a dog in the crate all day when you know for a fact that he can't hold it is horrible. Imagine the dog sitting in his poo all day long. How unpleasant for him. And if your wife is the one who has to clean him, she has the final say. If you clean him up then you get a say in it. But it's still horrible to leave him sitting in poo all day. It won't housetrain him, it will get him used to sitting in his own poo, and he will become less interested in keeping himself clean.

And seeing as your wife has had plenty of dogs and you've had none, how about you accept that she actually knows better than you on this occasion? Why do you think she should change and do things your way, when clearly she's the more experienced one. Do you tell her how to do her job too?

It's very difficult to be "on the same page" when you insist that you're right and she's wrong. Usually coming to an agreement about something you disagree completely on requires you to compromise. That means you both change your view to something the other person can live with.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all for the feedback. I'll be reassessing the situation with the crating issue with my wife and see if we can come to an agreement. We're enrolled in training classes at our local VFW and it's going well so far. He's starting to walk beside us, but is inconsistent with some of the commands. He's a very lovable but stubborn doggie!
 

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I know the feeling. My boyfriend has had one golden retriever growing up and he thinks he’s more experienced and an expert when it comes to dogs. I didn’t grow up with dogs so he dismisses everything I try to do or say. However unlike him, I’ve actually studied and researched dogs and their training, and have watched over and trained other people’s dogs with much success (sadly they revert back to their bad habits once they leave my care...). Yet this is not enough for him to listen to what I have to say.

I believe it’s good to compromise, and since your wife has to do all the cleaning, she has a say where the dog does its business. But this leads me to my questions, how housebroke is he? Did you guys try to probably crate training him? Why do you want to crate him when you’re gone? Is he destructive or anything that merits crating him? How long do you have to leave him alone? Is it possible for one of you to come home and let him out to potty? And what do you do before you leave? Like, do you walk him, take him out to potty before you leave, etc. If he’s still pottying indoors, and you want him only to potty outdoors, at 20 months he should be able to hold it in within a reasonable amount of time. Whatever you guys are doing is not working if you want him to just potty outside.

Since your wife has a say in whether or not your dog gets crated, you have to tell her you should have a say if the dog sleeps in bed or not. It is YOUR bed, not the dog’s bed, and you should be able to sleep comfortably in it. Tell her having the dog in bed is affecting your sleep and you might as well sleep on the couch or buy a new bed just for you (which might not bode well for you, lol) if she rather have a dog than her husband. I don’t think it’s fair that you have to give up your spot because of the dog. It’s not like you’ve never slept in a bed before and you don’t know what you’re talking about, therefore you HAVE to have a dog in bed. I don’t like my dog sleeping in my bed either. But you know my boyfriend, he slept with a dog in his bed growing up so he had to have it. I told my boyfriend this as well, which is why Wicket never got to sleep at night in bed because I would leave for the couch, but he would still bug me about letting her. It took 3 pee accidents in bed (trial naps) and a couch blanket accident to convince him that our dog should not sleep in bed with us. The accidents just sent the message home. Now he dares not let Wicket stay in bed for more than 10 min, lol.

Try to be reasonable and don’t talk down to your wife, respect that fact that she does have experience with dogs. Really listen to her and acknowledge what she has to say and ask for the same, you guys do share the house, the bills, the bed, AND the dog. The dog is not HER dog, it’s YOUR dog too, and let her know you want this to be a dual effort and not just a one way street. However, don’t let her walk all over you, you are actually seeking out more information and willing to learn other ways of raising a dog. It’s disrespectful of her to dismiss the forums where there are plenty of people with just as much dog experience, if not more than her, and she should try to listen to what other’s have to say (don’t say it that way though, lol).
 

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Discussion Starter #10
When we're home with him (his name is Buddy) he lets us know when he has to go out. He's pretty good at that. I try to work from home at least twice a week, my wife works rotating weekends with a day off in the beginning or middle of the week. She leaves at 06:30 and I'm out the door between 07:00 & 08:00.
He'll wake up and sit and look at me and give a little growl to let me know he's got to go out. He cracks me up when I take him out and the grass is wet, he doesn't want to get his paws wet! He'll find a spot and do his business. So in that aspect, he's good to go in the morning before we leave.
We feed him and have two child gates blocking him in the kitchen. He's a jumper so he doesn't realize that if he ran and leaped, we would come home and find him laying on the couch in the living room! He's not destructive, he'll get into mischief if we leave something within his reach (dishcloth, paper goods) or if we leave the bathroom door open we'll find him chewing on a tissue or qtip!
My wife is the first one home from work so she's the one who takes care of any clean up. I don't get home from work until well after 6PM. Sometimes he'll hold it until she's home and she'll immediately take him outside. He's just inconsistent. He's really not a bad dog at all, just stubborn. At night after we take him out for the last time between 9&10 PM he's good until the time we wake up, so he does know how to hold it in.
My reasoning for wanting to crate him is to get him in the habit of holding until his mommy gets home. It can be done, my father-in-law's dog can stay in her crate all day long and not have an accident. He's trained many dogs throughout his life (and really doesn't think that we've done a good job with ours, even though he doesn't say anything to us about it). He does try to give advice though.
I'm not giving up, I think eventually with more training my little doggie will start to listen and become better potty trained. He's not by any means an untrainable dog, he's actually very smart. Maybe I let him get away with too much.
My wife keeps saying consistency with commands and training and that's what I'll be trying to do. Trust me, I don't want to fight with her over our little dog, we have a good relationship.
 

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We leave him in our kitchen where he does his business half on the floor and wee wee pad.
You probably want to make the pad more attractive. We use two pads rather than one to allow for ample room for multiple uses. Dogs typically like to use a clean area so if you aren't there to clean up, make it bigger.

You can also try attractant sprays on the pads. This doesn't work for all dogs but some get it right away.

. Oh yeah, his bed is my bed to where I'm constantly on 1/8th of the bed at night!
As long as the dog isn't being bed aggressive and you don't have sleeping issues, just try to work out a comfortable placement. Dogs (and cats too) are usually good at working out how to sleep on a bed with human family members. A gentle push over can usually get the point across.

If you are having difficulties, then a comfortable pet bed that you can place nearby your bed might be a solution.

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You have to be the Alpha Omega, the Pack Leader. The dog will never respect you until he learns the rules and until he knows who the Pack Leader is.
New Study Finds Popular “Alpha Dog” Training Techniques Can Cause More Harm than Good

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The Social Organization of the Domestic Dog
 

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How long is he in the crate for? can you hire someone to come and let him out in the middle of the day? I do that for my neighbor and it has helped with house breaking. I agree with the consistency with commands. My mom calls my dogs dumb because they dont listen to her. Well she uses the wrong commands and it confuses them. for example- I say lay for them to lay down and she says down. I use down to get off furniture. It just confuses them when you use different things that just means one thing.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
So I just got home and ready to start fresh with my little pup and the first thing I get is she's tired of him not listening to her. I have more patience than she does!!
 
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