[dakotajo]

My Berner now a 1 year old used to play with her best buddy a Golden. When they first met Dakota (my dog) would play really rough and finally the other dog started sticking up for herself, played, and was really happy, it was like Dakota was learning how to play nice and the Golden was getting self esteem and was really showing some happiness, by the way this other dog was abused before my daughter's friend took her.
Yesterday evening my daughter's friend came over with her dog and Dakota hasn't seen her in a few months and it was like when they first met, Roxy (the other dog) had no interest at all in playing. Dakota was trying everything to get her to play and she wouldn't so Dakota started doing some dominant behaviour and Roxy just let her. What made me irritated was that everyone was "poor Roxy" and trying to get Dakota away from her, I mean this other dog is only a little smaller than Dakota and is 3 years old! To me it looks like their nurturing Roxy's insecurities. The only time I stopped it was when Dakota started the dominant humping behaviour. I told them many times, " when Roxy has had enough she will let Dakota know!" but it fell on deaf ears.
Dakota is overly friendly and I know that but I believe that they must learn on their own and there's no feeling so sorry for a dog that is always insecure. They have to stick up for themselves don't you think? I feel like a mother whose child is always the one to blame when the other one doesn't have a back bone. Dakota has played with many dogs and small ones the size of cats and there never has been a problem.
I guess what I'm asking is for any opinions, should I even bother getting these 2 dogs together anymore? should I just stick with her more friendly playful doggy friends she has?
I'm not sure how much abuse this other dog has suffered in the past, but I do know it has stripped her of any spirit she probably once had

 

[Locke]

I understand where you're coming from, but try to imagine what it might be like for the golden. She was probably extremely overwhelmed. While the two dogs had fun before, it's been a few months, so the golden might just need more time to open up. If the golden is not showing interest in playing, that indicates that she's not ready to engage in play. At that point, I would separate the dogs, and wait for the golden to initiate further interaction. I don't see that as nurturing her insecurities, I see it as preventing a possible blow-up between the dogs, or a complete shutdown on the golden's side. The golden needs to build her confidence gradually, and I don't think forcing her to stand up for herself is the best way to go about it.

 

[dakotajo]

Thank you for the reply I understand where your coming from. If you seen the way my daughter's friend acts you would totally understand where I'm coming from, unfortunately you can't see what I do. This girl is total drama! and I mean drama queen, she really doesn't help the situation at all and that counts for any dog, for istance Dakota gets very excited when she sees the friend and I keep telling the girl to not talk or anything to Dakota until she calms down, and she does the opposite. When Dakota was younger and very mouthy I told her not to play with her until she's calmer and being nice and this chic would ignore me, sit on the floor and encouraged her to play rough.
I guess I'm just frustrated and thought these 2 dogs where bonding and I take things to heart. I really like Roxy, she's super sweet and it makes me sad knowing she's having no fun over here

 

[skelaki]

I think the answer might lie somewhere in the middle. If Dakota is overwhelming the Golden then you, as Dakota's leader, need to step in and calmly put a stop to it ignoring any "drama queen" antics on the part of your daughter's friend. Put Dakota in the house and, again calmly, offer to show the girl how to start building her dog's confidence through obedience training, the use of nilif, and perhaps eventually even agility lessons. Perhaps even start a doggy version of a game such as follow the leader (dog/s on leash) with the girl being the Roxie's leader. And, once the girl catches on, you can bring Dakota into the game.

 

[dakotajo]

The Golden really was rescued by my daughter's friends parents. This girl has no responsibilities whatsoever. It's hard to believe this girl is 21 years old she also has ADD but I don't know if that has anything to do with her just not "getting things" I could suggest to her and my daughter what you mentioned above but it's harder now since my daughter moved out and both of their priorities are elsewhere. Dakota has gotten alot better since she was younger and I have myself to thank for that since my daughter pretty much washed her hands off on the whole puppy thing (she was the one that HAD to have a puppy and I gave in) Dakota is my dog and has become so attached to me.
I asked Britt (my daughter) why not take the two of them for a walk and she says, "No way! I'm not walking that crazy Dakota." and I tell her she's really not that bad anymore if you take charge, so needless to say I'm the only one that walks her 4 to 5 times a week.
I feel that it's so important to socialize your dog and I know Britt's friend and her parents don't feel that way. I'm starting to think maybe this is about me and Dakota If Roxy isn't up for the energy of a puppy then Dakota can see her other pals. It's hard when you have to do everything yourself, I pretty much raised my daughter on my own and now her dog, oh ya, my dog
I think Roxy would be great at agility and advanced obedience. This dog doesn't even need a leash anywhere they take her