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Altho 14 yo know all answers, you exactly right to withhold attention until they follow your rules.

Rather than treats, you can try to use kibble (a portion of the normal meal) for training. Of course this is a bit more difficult if you don't use dry food.

The very general idea is that once the dog reacts, they go into an "amydala hijack," emotions take over, and it is difficult to bring them back down. That's the reasoning behind socialization to try to prevent it, and staying below reaction threshold, after the dog develops emotion reactions to other dogs etc. In general, you determine how close the dog needs to be to set her, then you stay farther away... even if it is a mile... and praise/reward for calmness. Then, you very slowly, incrementally make a closer approach... getting back further if you make a mistake and get too close. It's a fine balance of the children's game Too Hot/Too Cold....
 
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