Puppy Forum and Dog Forums banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
HELP...I just moved together with boyfriend and his 3-year old Pug into a new home for us both. I had no clue of the bond between BF and Pug. The dog sits on his lap and lays on his entire body while licking and licking and licking his face. When I attempt to sit next to my BF the dog sits between us. Even when I sit apart and we hold hands, the Pug scratches and scratches my hand until I remove my hand. My BF says how cute it is that Pug wants to hold my hand. I do NOT think this is cute at all.

I need some insight on how to deal with all of this. HELP???
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,374 Posts
speak up to your BF would be #1, and then listen to how he responds for how the future will be and if you can handle it or not. Kinda of silly to be jelious or upset over an animal <3
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,911 Posts
speak up to your BF would be #1, and then listen to how he responds for how the future will be and if you can handle it or not. Kinda of silly to be jelious or upset over an animal <3
I don't necessarily think it's silly to be jealous or upset over an animal. Dogs that demand an owner's attention at the expense of the owner's SO need to be handled and trained just like one would for any other unwanted behavior. IMO, it would be *incredibly* annoying to have a tiny dog inserting itself between myself and my SO, or to scratch at my hand while I was holding someone else's.

I think you should talk to your SO about the fact that what his dog is doing isn't "cute", and that he doesn't want to "hold your hand". In fact, what he's doing is demanding that he come first in your SO's attention priority order (which is not okay). Hopefully you and your SO can come to agreement about that.

After you guys talk about your unhappiness with the dog's behavior, you can set up some training techniques in order to teach the dog that coming between you two *isn't* okay. I'm not exactly sure what types of redirection would work best, so I'm going to leave that to a future commenter to add, but I just wanted to assure you that your reaction isn't childish or silly. The dog is misbehaving and your SO isn't correcting, meaning you have every right to be concerned.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,374 Posts
don't know the OP, so am speaking from personal experience being the one in the relationships with close relations with my animals....,, can only suggest to speak to the SO honestly with what you want, and truly listen to the response.... This is not about the dog, it's silly and it's a bit telling of insecurity as a partner in the relationship.. """ it's all about the SO """" and the SO will be the one to start to make a difference for the OP".. OP has to be honest with themselves and not take it out on the Pug when it's really the SO that needs to make changes for the OP..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,911 Posts
don't know the OP, so am speaking from personal experience being the one in the relationships with close relations with my animals....,, can only suggest to speak to the SO honestly with what you want, and truly listen to the response.... This is not about the dog, it's silly and it's a bit telling of insecurity as a partner in the relationship.. """ it's all about the SO """" and the SO will be the one to start to make a difference for the OP".. OP has to be honest with themselves and not take it out on the Pug when it's really the SO that needs to make changes for the OP..
It IS about the dog. The dog doesn't know personal boundaries and is scratching at OP's hand to make her SO stop holding it...

The SO is the one who has to step up, decide the situation is unacceptable and work on some training along with OP, but the dog is the root of the issue. Being irritated at a dog that doesn't know boundaries and is in your space all of the time isn't an 'insecurity', it's a natural reaction.

I don't think OP is "taking anything out" on the dog, she's asking for advice about the best way to approach the situation, and calling her insecure because she doesn't want a dog between her and her SO or scratching at her hand is a bit of a stretch. Sounds like she's an annoyed adult who is looking for the appropriate way to be assertive about the situation, to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,186 Posts
It IS about the dog. The dog doesn't know personal boundaries and is scratching at OP's hand to make her SO stop holding it...

The SO is the one who has to step up, decide the situation is unacceptable and work on some training along with OP, but the dog is the root of the issue. Being irritated at a dog that doesn't know boundaries and is in your space all of the time isn't an 'insecurity', it's a natural reaction.

I don't think OP is "taking anything out" on the dog, she's asking for advice about the best way to approach the situation, and calling her insecure because she doesn't want a dog between her and her SO or scratching at her hand is a bit of a stretch. Sounds like she's an annoyed adult who is looking for the appropriate way to be assertive about the situation, to me.
It's not about the dog.

The dog is a dog, it's doing dog things and the OP is on the internet crying about being "second fiddle". I sincerely hope OP never has children if she's reacting this way to a dog.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,911 Posts
It's not about the dog.

The dog is a dog, it's doing dog things and the OP is on the internet crying about being "second fiddle". I sincerely hope OP never has children if she's reacting this way to a dog.
Shall I rephrase? It's about the dog not knowing the proper way to react to the situation, and the dog's lack of knowledge is negatively effecting OP's relationship.

So working to positively reinforce the appropriate behavior when OP and her SO are close together is what I'd suggest.

In what world is it okay when a dog paws at your hand to make you stop touching another human? *shrug* It's not okay, I guess, in my world - my dogs aren't allowed to DEMAND attention by being physically forceful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,374 Posts
Shall I rephrase? It's about the dog not knowing the proper way to react to the situation, and the dog's lack of knowledge is negatively effecting OP's relationship.

So working to positively reinforce the appropriate behavior when OP and her SO are close together is what I'd suggest.

In what world is it okay when a dog paws at your hand to make you stop touching another human? *shrug* It's not okay, I guess, in my world - my dogs aren't allowed to DEMAND attention by being physically forceful.
exactly in your world your SO wouldn't be feeling left out because of your dog..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,911 Posts
exactly in your world your SO wouldn't be feeling left out because of your dog..
Very true. Because if my dog was attempting to insert itself between myself and my SO, I would correct the behavior with a "go to your bed" and a toy to redirect.

But, IF my SOs dog was all up in my space ALL of the time when I was living with him in my brand new place, and he wasn't doing anything to correct it and he was ignoring my feelings, I'd be upset about it, no question.

So, it's about the dog in that the dog doesn't know the proper way to react, and about the SO in that he doesn't know to train or is unwilling to do so. I'm not saying the dog is being purposefully 'bad' - the dog probably just doesn't know any better! And the only way to correct that is for OP and her SO to get on the same page about training.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,165 Posts
I'm kind of with Hiraeth on this one. It's not really silly to feel slighted when your BF doesn't take into account that the dog constantly being in your physical space in order to demand attention isn't something worth addressing or fixing for the sake of the relationship. I doubt that she'd be posting here if it was an isolated incident, so this must be constant. And he's not taking her feelings seriously enough to do anything about it - maybe because the dog came first? Who knows.

In any case, everyone DOES agree that you need to talk about this with your BF and express how irritating this is, and perhaps some training would be in order to get the dog to be a little less possessive and territorial, because that's how I see it. There's a time for cuddles and snuggles and kisses, and there's a time when the dog needs to back off and let the humans interact. I would, however, caution that you need to approach this very tactfully because the human-dog bond IS important, so you need to make sure he understands that's not the issue here and you're not trying to make it into a "me or the dog" scenario. Just needs a little give and take, IMO. And BF needs to be willing to put him in his place every now and then.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,211 Posts
I agree the main issue is with the SO. My dog sits on/between us on a regular basis. We don't care, we like her, we enjoy cuddling. When we want time just for us we don't let her on the couch, or only allow her on the end so she's not between us. -We- do or don't do these things.

It's not the behaviour that's inherently an issue, it's the SO's attitude toward it and not taking the partner's feelings seriously. (presuming the OP has actually brought it up with the SO and isn't just stewing on it in their own head)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,145 Posts
It's not a dog issue, it's a relationship issue.

The dog is soliciting attention - that's a normal dog thing to do. Right now the boyfriend finds the dog's behavior acceptable (cute, even) and the OP finds the dog's behavior unacceptable. It's that disconnect that's the problem, not the behavior in and of itself.

Either boyfriend needs to change his opinion (or at least his tolerance) of the behavior because the OP feels hurt by it, or the OP needs to change her opinion about the behavior because her boyfriend likes it. I don't think one is necessarily any better or worse than the other (what if it hurts the boyfriend's feelings to not allow the dog to do it, for example?) nor do I think he is automatically the one who needs to change (also not saying OP is, btw).

I don't think whether he changes or she changes says anything about either one of them individually. I think how they solve the problem will say a lot about the relationship, though.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top