Aidan would be plastered with signs:
If I'm in the bathroom with a guy, we pee together. Male bonding ritual.
I hide one of each pair of shoes I find.
I unzip all backpacks and hide the portable contents around the house.
I tear apart rush seats, and I'm looking forward to working my magic on wicker someday.
I sleep in my dad's closet and chew the tassels off his loafers.
I escape from every harness I've ever worn. I have a big collection of worthless harnesses.
I unlatch my dog crate from the outside -- both latches. Still working on doing that while I'm in the crate.
I broke the zippers on a brand new soft crate that I had owned for only an hour. Like the harnesses, it was supposed to restrain me in the car.
I grabbed a roll of bubble wrap 2' in diameter and unrolled it all while still running at top speed through my dad's bookstore.
I can unlock the locked kitchen trash can. Don't worry, it still locks.
I mangle the high heels of all of the sandals my girl buys to wear with ball gowns. I don't like her other shoes.
I steal open plastic drink bottles from the kids and run through the house with them.
I remove library books from the book bag and chew on the corners, but only when my mom is about to leave for the library.
I broke my nylon tunnel when I was moving it around the yard, sort of by accident.
If I get wet, I dry myself off on all the furniture while being chased by people who have towels.
If I can get into the shower with someone, I will. I can shred an entire bath mat in 15 seconds.
I bark and howl at cats and groundhogs long after I've scared them away. Then I do it again as a preventative measure.
I wake up my mom when she is taking a nap and at 6 a.m. just because I can, and then I go back to sleep on her pillow.
I bury bully sticks and meat under my dad's pillow.
I like to open boxes that come in the mail for my mom. After I take out the contents, I tear up the boxes.
I eat the kids' homework. If its right before the bus comes, the teachers never believe them.
I ask to go out, and when we step onto the porch, I roll over on my back and wiggle around and refuse to get up.
I claw at the bottom of the washing machine because I am sure there is a mouse under there.
I ate 2 lbs. of raw steak after removing it from the packages, in less than 2 minutes, while the boys were unloading groceries.
I hate peanut butter, but I ate a dozen peanut butter cookies that were cooling on a rack.
I like to toss the all cushions off of couches and chairs so the living room becomes a bouncy house.
I love to be in the yard to cheer the boys on while they mow the lawn.
If you are a dust pan, I will eat you.
I provide the comedy hour in every dog class I've ever attended. They should pay me.
I like to empty file folders.
I can remove all of the bedding from a king-sized bed in 2 minutes or less -- including blankets, sheets, and comforters.
I knocked a lady friend flat on her back when I ran between her legs in her own big, empty back yard. Her feet weren't far enough apart.
I can walk or run or jump around the living room without my feet ever touching the floor.