This probably won't be of much consolation. But I can tell you that things DO happen for the best. Hang in there, with the right attitude and something even better will turn out to be true. But, there are also two sides to every perspective.
(The first of two) Many years ago, wanted a particular color puppy, almost impossible to find in the west. Researched. Connected with a “reputable” breeder in the midwest. Never talked to her, but we exchanged by US mail (before internet/email). She showed me pictures of my puppy a few times as he was growing. Sent me a little bit about personality. A little bit about the bitch. At 9 wks. she was ready to ship him to me. But I said no, I’d go and pick him up, because I didn’t want him to be alone. This meant taking a turn-around red-eye flight to the midwest. The breeder herself did not meet me at airport, but puppy was in a crate, ready for pickup. Brought him home. And realized it wasn’t going to be a good match. We were very sad, incredibly sad. But the breeder and I agreed it was okay to return him (I paid for a vet exam so he could fly, and for the shipping) but she’d refund my purchase. That decision rested heavy on my heart for a long, long time! It turned out to be at least 2 more years before another opportunity from an entirely (and unexpected) situation occurred. Years later when I met a dog of her breeding in my own area, the color was right, but the personality and temperament was totally disappointing! I asked other people who knew of this breeder, if the dog was typical or the exception. And they said it was typical. We eventually found a puppy, different color (unexpectedly, unplanned) but having the kind of personality that another breeder knew would be perfect for me. That puppy turned out to be my “heart” dog. He had issues, yet being re-homed with me, was meant to be, or he might not have had a wonderful life!
I’m not the only one to have experienced this “truth” knowing many people who go by the golden rule “that whatever happened, it was for the best.”
(The second of two) Knowing breeders (personally) as I do, there are two kinds (excluding backyard breeders). Being a “reputable” breeder is a formality, which you would expect of any person with whom you’re doing business. That’s just the default expectation. Those breeders utilize agreements, contracts, guarantees, compliances, yada, yada. They’re selling puppies for a purpose. Sometimes for agility, or for show, or sporting traits … whatever. They’re not dishonest, but they are self-interested and control the arrangement. Because they go to all that work, and great expense. I had a friend once, who visited their breeder, picked out a specific puppy, played with it, took pictures, and when my friend went to pick it up, it was switched out in the end. But know, that puppy turned out to be her absolute and forever “heart” dog, she could never, ever have imagined being without! What did the breeder know that we didn’t, except is was about my friends' quirky and adventurous personalities! My breeder friend knew (from interacting with the public and from the afternoon of personal conversation) that they needed the kind of puppy (personality) to match!
In addition to being “reputable” .... a wise and caring breeder knows how to make the best matches for a lot of reasons (not just based on color or markings). And they do so for both their puppy and the buyer's best interests, because they love their dogs (and the litters they produce). As you said, it’s possible the people who came in person (supposedly looking for a color) got priority, because they were people the breeder felt their puppy had the best chance with, who wouldn’t be returned. It’s kind of like meeting your own spouse in person, rather than trusting a mail-order match-up, right. Breeders want that chemistry to be right. And watching the joyful interaction between a family and their first puppy, or the kid's excitement, is a valuable tool for the breeder. Because if they stay in touch with their buyers, and understand how the puppy is living well, then they gather important information about the personality of particular lines that they are producing.
It is hard for a breeder to promise a puppy to a buyer sight unseen, but I definitely know some who will honor a color and a sex. But personality is so subjective! Wise and caring breeders (being thoughtful of their buyers) will reassure them that waiting will be more than worth their while. I have seen that decision work for very well for both parties! But breeders also know, that some buyers won’t wait. And will move on to make a quick decision. No one has to say, that a puppy is a lifetime (14–16 yr.) commitment. And it’s gotta be a forever kind of a connection, making the wait well worth it!
If I couldn’t have traveled to the breeder for a visit, then I would have, or would next time, ask for the picture of the puppy intended for my purchase! And then make a “connection” with that breeder by phone actually, asking how the pup was doing, what was the personality was like, how I could be getting ready for the pup. What to feed, kind of toy preferences. Just to show the breeder how I was already engaged with the purchase! That way, you’re competing with all the people coming on site. I do know a few breeders who will be discouraged by too intense of a buyer … because they know (from years of experience) it could turn out to be a difficult transaction down the road.
Breeders who are more than “just” reputable, are crazy in love with their dog families!! In a way, some buyers are need to “audition” for the privilege of their puppies. Weird, but true. Human nature always is.
Even if you're not physically close to a breeder's site, still get those recommendations from BOTH the breeder's references ... but also from the competition too. The folks who walked away. And why they did!