Better a month too soon than a day too late...

I hear you parus. Actually, here I am on the internet trying to take my mind off the reality, which is the euthanasia appointment I have scheduled for tomorrow. I bounce between clear headed and totally lost so I'm typing this in one of the better moments of this evening. My situation is similar to yours in that Soro is still happy, playful, hungry, great blood panel... I could post a video from TODAY of him doing complex (but low impact) tricks, eager to train, happily chewing on a bone in the yard... But he's been on palliative care for the last couple months and the maximum dosage of some serious meds, the cancer isn't going away, and he's not getting any younger to boot. The pain in his leg is there noticeable ways yet not significantly impacting his attitude. COULD he keep going and still enjoy the simple things for another week, and maybe another? I think so. Do I want to wait until he is truly suffering, not eating, and not able to be helped by medication? No. I feel so much sadness it is indescribable, but zero guilt. And my partner and I have been saying for the last month or so, any time now or in the last few weeks would not have been the 'wrong' time. Yet there is no one 'right' time either. It is hard to look at him and think that I am putting down a happy dog that still has more time left. The big thing for me is, I want to remember my dog for the goofy, affectionate, bright-eyed boy that he is. And I feel like I owe him a peaceful exit without suffering. And lastly, I tell myself that dogs don't know any better or worse, but they do not want to be in pain. Still, none of this is easy. None of it is supposed to be.

So I'm not telling you what to do. But I empathize with you being in between a hard situation and a hard decision. No matter what, I hope you at least find peace of mind. You shouldn't feel guilty when you have a 17(!!) year old dog who is, was, and will always be clearly loved. My best thoughts and sincerest sympathies to you and Queenie.

Canyx, I'm so sorry that you're having to say goodbye to Soro today. I hope you find comfort in knowing you've done right by him. Obviously I've never met him, but I feel like I know him from your posts here, and it's obvious how much you've made one another's lives richer. Thank you for your kind words, and I wish you both so much peace.

CptJack said:

If you find yourself sort of hoping she'd pass away in her sleep and be spared the inevitable decline, you having to watch that decline and make the decision? Probably it's time.

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This, this is exactly it. I used to think it'd be a nightmare to wake up and find she'd passed away, but now it'd be sad, yes, but it'd also be...cathartic, I guess? Thank you for all of your post, but this perspective in particular.

PatriciafromCO said:

Being grateful that you have the time to say good'bye. Many people don't have this time to say good bye they are just taken abruptly from them with so many words unspoken.

my thoughts are so with you...

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Thank you, and you're right. And I'm grateful to have had so long with her. Very few dog owners get that.

petpeeve said:

"How lucky I am, to have known someone that was so hard to say goodbye to." ~ author unknown.

It's old. And perhaps a bit corney and cliche. But still, totally worth reflecting upon.

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Yes. Queenie been by my side my entire adult life - I got talked into fostering her right after I graduated, and somehow she just never went away. It's funny, because even though she's not the dog I would have picked out for myself in almost any respect, she ended up just fitting in with every stage of my life since then. She makes me laugh every day, even now, with her dopey, gung-ho enthusiasm. She's always been such an easy dog to live with...I think I've taken her presence for granted over the years sometimes. Maybe she was meant to teach me that lesson, not to take anyone or anything for granted.

Here she is earlier today: (She claimed my foot - I had to wait for her to sleep to reclaim it.)

I am sorry to hear this. When Shep was 16yo, he appeared to have nerve degeneration as well as some arthritis. He may not have been suffering, but he was losing mobility, although he liked going on his daily 45 min. hobbling walks in the neighborhood. HIs back legs would give out, and he'd wait patiently for me to pick him back up. One day he fell twice - no pain, not a big deal, but it was the red flag that made me realize that one day soon, he might wake up, unable to get up, with a need for emergency treatment. At that point, I made the appointment for the Ruth. When I took him into the Vet, she was very compassionate. I felt guilty that his mind was still sharp, that he enjoyed the attention, and that he was still learning to the best of his physical abilities... and I was about to end it. As the Vet put it, better to do it now while his life is good, rather than potentially prolonging his life until an emergency euthanasia is required to end his eventual suffering.

I've gone through this many times. Although it doesn't get easier, the pain is not as sharp and doesn't last as long. Since we only have one dog at a time, my philosophy has been to get another dog as soon as practical to help compress the grieving process.

I am so, so very sorry for the loss that you're facing later this week. Please - enjoy this high note & don't second guess your decision. Letting them go out while still doing 'good', that's the way to do it. If I might share my recent loss story...

Charlie (age: going on 13) Always (in the decade since we adopted him) had a 'quirky' tummy, which included early morning 'bile pukes' if dinner was too long before breakfast, although we had things very well under control for several years.

In late May his early morning nausea took a turn for the worse. Every day was a crap shoot - sometimes OK, sometimes not so much. But during the day he was happy, active, bouncing/barking, going on hikes & generally seeming to enjoy life as he knew it.

During bouts which were more intense than others (including those days he turned his nose up at dinner) we re-ran his full blood work, did an abdominal untrasound, and finally, after one day that he presented as being 'in generalized pain' put him on Predisone.

The next 3 weeks after that were wonderful. Then he had a seizure (probably his 2nd, as his recent 'pain' episode was most likely seizure-related) Three days later we had a consult with a 2nd opinion vet (who was to be discussing with a neurologist the best course of action) Three days later, we were out for a walk & he went down in the road with a seizure. I got him transported home, he seemed to be generally recovering, and... he went down again. This time there was no coming out of it. He passed away in the car on the way to the emergency vet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - you really, really, really don't want to let it get to that point. In my/Charlie's case - we had no clue how sick he was. But... if there was any way I could go back & erase those final four hours of his life, when he was simply suffering & dying, I would. If I could have let him leave us while on a high note, I would have. I didn't have that option - he went down too quickly.

Again, I am very sorry for your impending loss. There are no words to ease the pain, but please know that there are others that can understand what you're going through right now. It's not easy - Never is - Never will be. But, it does get better & less painful as time goes on. Eventually the memories bring sweet, wistful joy, rather than heartbreak & tears. (((hugs)))

I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through what every dog owner dreads.

Several years ago we had a family dog who had cancer. My parents tend to wait too long to make euth. appointments, something we differ on. I remember how angry I was (with them) when the dog passed away overnight. Was it maybe a peaceful, went to sleep and never woke up kind of deal? I like to think and hope that. But in the back of my mind I wonder if she was in pain, if something had ruptured, etc, and I'm sad that she was alone in her final moments, a dog who loved her people more than anything. They were upset too, and now defer to me with those kind of decisions.

Doing this for her doesn't make you a bad dog owner - it makes you a good one. An incredibly strong, incredibly good dog owner. I believe that once she is gone, despite the void that will be there and the inevitable sadness, a part of you will feel relieved that she is no longer suffering, and that small part will be your reassurance that you made the right choice.