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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Live at home with family, and have a dog of their own?

I do... (Donatello), and I'm about sick of it... I'm not going to be able to make improvements with him at all as long as I live here.

I want to move out... Now!

First of all, my family isn't really involved with Donatello much, and I'm glad. I have my reasons- #1 being, they're all high-strung and stressed. My sisters are constantly getting yelled at by my mother. She's always screaming and yelling, and that can't be good for Donatello's temperament and anxiety... So I would rather they just leave him alone. Which they do for the most part.

Well, the other morning I was discussing with my mother about how I'm going to recondition Donatello to be comfortable around strangers and children. She seemed to understand...

The day before yesterday I was in the kitchen, and I was watching Donatello because he was turned around on the sofa watching me, it was adorable... My mother walks by and lunges at him, then starts scratching his neck really fast. I could tell he didn't like it and it didn't surprise me that she refused to see he was startled.

She looked at me and chuckled, "Every now and then when I'm walking by him, I try to shoot my hands out there real fast to get him used to people doing it to him..." My jaw had dropped!

My mother is difficult to talk to, I'm 20 years old but she treats me and treats everything I say like it's coming from a 2 year old... I said as nicely as possible, "Please don't do that." she bristled and said, "But I thought you said you wanted him used to fast hand movements!" How do I talk to someone that thinks she knows best, and thinks she knows it all?

"No. That's not going to help, he needs to trust me first." I said, which is true, but not the sole reason I don't want her doing that. He doesn't growl and snip and snap at my family members, any of them... Usually my mother will walk by and just reach her hand out and scratch his head for a second and leave. Donatello can handle that... He doesn't trust her anymore than he trusts a complete stranger. (Why should he? She's constantly yelling, or doesn't pay attention to him being around- She'll slam a drawer when he's trying to get a drink, and scare him into next week and not even think twice!) Every time she starts in yelling and b****ing at my sisters, Donatello's ears will flatten and he'll watch her suspiciously/cautiously...

How could she possibly think she's helping?

The same goes for my sisters... Both of them! They're 12 and 5, Donatello's been here since December and yet when he runs by them they will jump and scream like he's turned and bit their face! I tell them all the time, every day to STOP. They're not helping my cause by doing that! Every time he runs by them to follow me to bed, and they do that- He'll jump out of his skin and rush past me and jump on our bed and look at me like he did something wrong...

It's a shame and it's pissing me off. EXTREMELY.

Yesterday Donatello and I were waiting outside to go swimming, my littlest sister was standing close to me, and Donatello nonchalantly started walking up to her to sniff her, he's a quarter of her size and she's tiny for a 5 year old! She jumps and screams again like he's just stuck his nose where it don't belong! Luckily we were outside, and he was already preoccupied with the smells, so it didn't phase him much.

I proceeded to ream her out! "You're not helping Donatello at all! How is he going to like children when you scream every time he gets close!" She just looks at me. "I didn't know he was there. He scared me." Kid or not, I said, "Bull-(crap)! You know better! He's been here since December!" She shrugged and said, "I don't care."

And my mother wonders why I'm "irritable"! Disrespectful children get on my every-last-nerve.

As soon as I can, I'm outta here! If Donatello doesn't ever get used to strangers and kids, that's fine, as long as I can give him a happy peaceful life away from idiots that can't seem to remember the rules they're given!

*Sheesh!*

-END OF RANT-

Anyone else have similar "horror" stories to share?
 

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Well I will answer your topic question.

Yes I'm 21 and I live with my mom. Jack is her dog and Kechara and Hawkeye are my dogs. My mom is the one that got me into dog spots, (She used to take me to kennel club to watch me train her German Shepherd Dog when I was younger) I owe my love of dogs to her and the person that got her into it (her first husband *RIP*)
 

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Discussion Starter #3
That's great you and your mother have a relationship that's been strengthened through the shared love of Dogs... That's great! : )

I wish I could say the same... My mother knows little-to-jack about dogs and training dogs... She's had them on and off her whole life, but when it comes to raising them and training them she's extremely old-fashioned. I've seen her try to teach our last dog, an Akita, to "come" by putting her on a leash and saying "come", snapping it, then dragging her, kicking and yelping, to her... *Rolls Eyes*

My mother asks me why all the time I have so many rules for Donatello... Like I make him "sit" and wait for my cue before he jumps onto the sofa. I reply, "I'm trying to enforce my authority in a non-confrontational, non-abusive way..."
 

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I live with my dad. I used to live on my own until the hurricane was oh so nice enough to collapse the ceiling in my apartment, so i had to move back in with my dad. My dog and I have been there since September.

For the most part, dogwise, it's ok. I'm having other problems with him, but it's noise related, not dog related. Anyways, he does a couple of things that irritate me but aren't THAT bad. He's fed my dog chocolate animal cookies before :eek: . I told him BAD DAD! No chocolate for the dog. I don't think he's done it since.

He'll take my dog outside with him all the time when he's in the garage WITHOUT a collar on. That pisses me off. The other day I got home and pulled into the driveway and saw my dog standing there with NO collar on and my dad was in the garage and my dog saw me and started walking towards the car then took off under the house, I think he saw a cat or something. It's a good thing that my dog was listening that day because I told him come, and he did. Thank goodness.

My dad will spray raid on the floor to kill a roach on occasion and sometimes forget to clean it up. I keep telling him he can't leave toxic chemicals on the floor!!!

Then he'll tell me "I fed your dog because I wasn't sure if you fed him before you left" and I say, I did feed him. Why would I forget to feed my dog? And on top of that he feeds him too much food because he says "he looks hungry". He's at his ideal weight, he doesn't need to get chubby again.

But other than that it's ok.
 

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Yeah I live at home and have my own dogs, and oh boy do I want to move out. Not really because family is harming my dogs, my mom does get annoying with giving cookies to them all the time... but that's the extent. I could go on and on about why I want to move out, however it has nothing to do with the dogs' welfare.
 

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I live at home, All pets are mine except my moms bird.

I live with my mom, my grandparents (moms parents) and 2 younger brothers (19 and 17).

Some days i cant stand how they act with Blaze. But its not my mom or brothers.

Its my grandparents. They let him do as he pleases, he knows he can get away with anything with them. My grandpa lets Blaze run around like a yahoo and just bark and bark, He will open the door when some one rings the bll, and just let blaze bolt out to see who it is. Drives me nuts, this is a very unfriendly dog neighboorhood, where majority of people come from back grounds where dogs are "dirty" and "scary". The paper boy refuses to coe to the door, he has to get his friend to do it.

No matter how many times I tell people. Make him sit on the stairs and tell him to stay before opening the door, every one in my house just opens it. My boyfriend basiclly lives here as well, and he is the only one besides me that enforces rules upon Blaze.

We have had dogs all my life, my mom has had them all hers, and my grandparents all theirs. So they are stuck in old traditions on everything.

My BIGGEST BIGGEST BIGGEST pet peeve is that they let him beg at the table, and feed him tons of junk. Makes me SOOO mad. EVERY DAY. And EVEY DAY I have to repeat what I always say "Please do NOT feed MY dog. He is MINE and I do not want him to be over weight, or learn to beg" My grandmas responce is always the same "I bought him I can do as I want". Correct she did technically buy him, BUT I worked the payment off working my ass off ALL summer long 40+ hours a week to pay her back, in their (then) janitorial bussiness. Im sure working maybe 60 hours would have been the full payment of the dog, but I worked about 200, with no pay checks. It was a fair deal.

My mom will listen to me. Me and my mom have a great relationship that way. she enjoys all things dog, we go to dog fundraisers, dog parks, ect. I dont drive, so i rely on her to drive me to agility which she loves to go watch blaze do (I pay the gas).

My brothers are good with the dog. the 17 year old takes him out and walks him for me, I dont ask him too. As I walk Blaze atleast 2-4 times a day any way. I think he uses Blaze to pick up girls though lol. The 19 year old doesnt do much with blaze, he will play with him thats all, which is fine, as he is my dog.

Its just my grandparents who drive me nuts with how they can not respect me enough to just tell the dog to "shoo" if he is at the table.

They dont make him do a thing. Then wonder why he doesnt respect them enough to listen to them.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Well, at least I'm not the only one...

I was wondering if anyone would reply saying I'm "over-reacting". lol!

If anyone has had a child that's petrified of the dark, (like I was), and another family member is trying to force that child to sleep in the dark, wouldn't you stand up for your child, or at least say, "I can handle it." Uh, yeah! lol!

I mean, for the most part, every thing is okay, but I'm tired of tolerating crap just because I'm living at home... But every morning I wake up wondering what they're going to do, wondering if they're going to try and pet on him, wondering if we'll have a "good" day or a "bad" day...
 

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Then he'll tell me "I fed your dog because I wasn't sure if you fed him before you left" and I say, I did feed him. Why would I forget to feed my dog? And on top of that he feeds him too much food because he says "he looks hungry". He's at his ideal weight, he doesn't need to get chubby again.

But other than that it's ok.
Oh I forgot that one. I feed blaze 2X's a day. around 7-9 am, then 7-9pm.

If Im at work until 8 or so, I will get hom and my mom will say, oh dont worry I fed blaze". I will say , oh when. She will say, "Around 4 or 5". She knows he is on a scheduel, if he eats at 4pm, he wont eat again for like 16 hours. As I try to do every 12 hours, give or take a hour or so. Then I ask how much, and she will be like "oh i dont know, maybe half of the cup in there". Ok she KNOWS he gets a WHOLE cup of food. he gets fed 1 3/4's a day. 3/4's in the Am, 1 cup at night. drives me nuts as I have to guess what to feed him to make up for it. Normally I just do a whole cup, as it isnt going to turn him fat over night to get 2.5 cups in a day once in a while
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Its my grandparents. They let him do as he pleases, he knows he can get away with anything with them. My grandpa lets Blaze run around like a yahoo and just bark and bark, He will open the door when some one rings the bll, and just let blaze bolt out to see who it is. Drives me nuts, this is a very unfriendly dog neighboorhood, where majority of people come from back grounds where dogs are "dirty" and "scary". The paper boy refuses to coe to the door, he has to get his friend to do it.

No matter how many times I tell people. Make him sit on the stairs and tell him to stay before opening the door, every one in my house just opens it. My boyfriend basiclly lives here as well, and he is the only one besides me that enforces rules upon Blaze.

We have had dogs all my life, my mom has had them all hers, and my grandparents all theirs. So they are stuck in old traditions on everything.

My BIGGEST BIGGEST BIGGEST pet peeve is that they let him beg at the table, and feed him tons of junk. Makes me SOOO mad. EVERY DAY. And EVEY DAY I have to repeat what I always say "Please do NOT feed MY dog. He is MINE and I do not want him to be over weight, or learn to beg" My grandmas responce is always the same "I bought him I can do as I want". Correct she did technically buy him, BUT I worked the payment off working my ass off ALL summer long 40+ hours a week to pay her back, in their (then) janitorial bussiness. Im sure working maybe 60 hours would have been the full payment of the dog, but I worked about 200, with no pay checks. It was a fair deal.

Its just my grandparents who drive me nuts with how they can not respect me enough to just tell the dog to "shoo" if he is at the table.

They dont make him do a thing. Then wonder why he doesnt respect them enough to listen to them.
Wow... I really feel for you, and I thought I had it bad.

My family doesn't, if ever, feed Donatello anything... They know he's allergic to corn, and I think that deters them from trying to feed him table-scraps... I would be really upset if they started.

When they're eating, and I'm busy doing something, I either snap my fingers, or just look at Donatello until he lays down... He'd sit there and stare longingly at their food the whole time they're eating; My step-mothers dogs did that to me every day, and I hated it! So I try to show them respect by making Donatello lay down and ignore them.

But, that makes my mother ask why I have so many rules for him... (Well, he acts better and has better manners than my two sisters combined!) That should be the reason alone to have so many rules. Just because they're dogs doesn't mean they should behave like pigs! lol!
 

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Quit being so polite-if you still are. It's great the first couple of times, but when people flat out don't get it, get tough, hopefully it will work.

That's no way to condition a dog, to lung at him like that. I'm sorry she's doing that.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Quit being so polite. It's great the first couple of times, but when people flat out don't get it, get tough, hopefully it will work.

That's no way to condition a dog, to lung at him like that. I'm sorry she's doing that.
Oh Maddie... If only life was that simple. lol!

My mother rules this roost with an iron-clad fist and harsh words... If there is even a hint of an attitude from me to her, she's on the defense hollering and b****ing at me that I don't respect her and she does everything around here...

I try so hard to avoid confrontation... We could fight from sun-up to sun-down if I weren't watching my tongue.

Lunging at him, and petting him roughly, especially when he doesn't trust you is not helping... But she doesn't see it that way... She doesn't care, she's just like my sisters... They're all like that! My 12 year old sister, doesn't even pet on him, I haven't seen her pet on him since I first got him... Which is fine, but she acts just as jumpy and screams whenever he runs around her...

I made an improvement with him though; It took a few months... I would take a leash to bed with me, (he follows me willingly to bed), but in the mornings he would be so wound up he'd make a mad dash for the living room and his spot on the sofa. He'd be out there on the sofa before I'd even exit the room... Several times he's jumped over my sister to get in his spot, she'd be unexpectedly sitting in the spot I do, and not knowing that he'd jump over her... She's jump and scream, so I'd come out and he's cowered in his spot with his ears back trembling.

So I nipped that in the bud, quick! I'd leash him in the morning and make him walk beside/behind me, and that's when I started making him sit and wait for my cue before jumping on the sofa.

Now he does it faithfully without a leash! (Ironically no one's been sitting in our spots on the sofa since...) But I'm not taking chance.
 

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Maybe you should try training your family the same way you would the dog.

I live with my husband and he is good about following the rules - but he just forgets them most of the time. He doesn't do it to be malicious, he just doesn't remember, most likely because it's not as important. However the big stuff he does really well with. He popped Sadie on the nose once, and I about did it to him back. After that he has been great about the basic rules.
 

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Maybe you should try training your family the same way you would the dog.

I live with my husband and he is good about following the rules - but he just forgets them most of the time. He doesn't do it to be malicious, he just doesn't remember, most likely because it's not as important. However the big stuff he does really well with. He popped Sadie on the nose once, and I about did it to him back. After that he has been great about the basic rules.
Haha... I wish I could do that... I really do. The next time my sisters jump and scream when Donatello runs by, I'm going to jump and scream the next time they run by me!

It doesn't work... I don't think my sisters are doing it to be malicious, my mom probably isn't either... They don't think it's important because Donatello isn't their dog he's mine. I'm almost certain you're right.

However, that doesn't make it right when you tell them till you're blue in the face to quit.

When we're in our bedroom, me and Donatello, and my littlest sister stomps down the hallway, it jars Donatello out of sleep, it spooks him because he doesn't realize it's my sister... Every time he lays back down to sleep, she'll stomp down the hallway again... She does things like that on purpose, things like that she does to be malicious, not to Donatello but to my mother, but it directly affects Donatello.

We've had several talks with her about doing that and she doesn't stop because she "doesn't care" as she so blatantly put it.

Every night, and day I daydream about having my own place... Coming home to Donatello coming to greet me, he's all ecstatic, we play keep-away for a few minutes then he follows me happily around the house...

I think if he knew that my family wasn't threatening, he'd more socially-active with me.

I just didn't anticipate Donatello being the way he was... Poor judgment on my part and now I feel like crap.

My mom keeps saying, "He's been with us long enough, he should be used to it." Well, that statement can apply to me and his relationship, but not with them... They're so random, flighty, and stressed out all the time that he views them as unpredictable.

Some day soon, we'll have our own place and he can be king. : P
 

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I live with my mom, dad, and sister. I'm almost 19. In terms of Marge, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's, for lack of a better word, convenient.

I do most of the training with Marge so when I'm not there I always worry about her and what she could be up to. But, at the same time, if I lived alone I'd have to worry about her being alone whenever I was out.

The hardest part is her fear of my father, but it's kind of just a situation that we've all grown to accept for the most part. My sister and I manage it pretty well.
 

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I live alone, but when I got Rufus I had to start staying at my parents house. He has severe separation anxiety and the neighbors in my apt complex would not tolerate the barking. I tried to move him in with me again a few weeks ago and it was an enormous disaster, so he's back at my parents while we take baby steps...

I can't thank them enough for letting him stay, because he' more comfortable there. However, it's a huge pain in the butt to commute 45 min each way to work every day, and I miss doing things the way I would like them done.

Every time my dad comes home he greets the dogs which is a BIG no no. Comings and goings are supposed to be very boring events for a dog with SA, and every time he walks in the door I have to yell at him to ignore the dog. He'll then stand there and say "She says I can't pet you", grrrrrrr. He also gives Rufus attention any time he wants it, which is another problem I've been trying to work on. If a SA dog gets petted every time they demand it, it makes it worse when you're gone and they can't get that satisfaction. So there have been bumps in the road.

I really do appreciate their kindness. I know it's not ideal to take on a second dog, especially one with the potential to destroy the whole house when left alone. And leaves huge black hairballs on things. And has monster poops and the strength to pull your arm out of the socket if he sees a squirrel. I do miss my own apt though.
 

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You're 100% correct about the dog, but I think you're looking at your family from the wrong perspective. You're not tolerating your family for their behavior around the dog; they're tolerating you for having the dog in the first place.

You have to train your family the exact same way you're training your dog: slowly, explicitly, and patiently. You're Mom started lunging at the dog because that's how she interpreted your words about socializing the dog around children - so she acted like a child near a dog. Crazy? Yeah, pretty much, but she's the one who doesn't know anything about dogs. You're the handler; it was your job to make sure you're on the same page. I work in IT, and see it all the time: when crazy things happen (in other words, days that end in 'Y'), it's my fault for not being explicit and unambiguous, not the user's fault for misinterpreting.

Your sisters are screaming because they're 12 and 5 years old; snapping at them isn't going to make them run and scream any less. Again - your job is to socialize them to the dog as much as it is socializing the dog to children, and have to approach it the same way. They're evidently afraid of dogs; yelling at them for a fear reaction is about as effective as yelling at an anxious dog for the same thing - especially for the 5 year-old.

I apologize if this is coming across as harsh - I've read a lot of your posts, and I think you've been doing a great, great thing with Donatello. I just think your expectations for your family are way too high; they need to be trained as much as the dog. Maybe you should get a clicker and start throwing M&M's their way when they do something right?
 

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I'm 22 and still live at home. Yes, it can be tougher and I do have to follow the rules of my parents about when/where the dogs can be.

But it beats being out on my own in today's economy. You won't hear any complaints from. :p

You have to learn to to nicely show your family how to deal with the dogs. I've got younger siblings and trust me, it can be done. And family, and how YOU treat them and build relationships with them is a whole lot more important than a dog. You can't control what other people do and say, but you CAN control your attitude, and what you do and say.
 

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I'm 21 (I'll be 22 in July actually) and I live with my mom and dad. I use to live with my boyfriend but it didn't work because when I went to school he couldn't financially stay there so he moved back in with his parents and when I got back I had to move back in with mine.

I have a LOT of complaints about living here, but for the most part they're not dog related. I can't friggin wait until the fall when we move the heck outa here (if Jared gets into the RCMP he's going to DEPO and I'm going to live with my sister in Alberta, and if he doesn't [which I doubt he won't] we're getting a place in town until he can do the application again).

Things use to be so much worse as far as dogs and my parents went. When I was younger we had "outside only dogs", until I convinced them to let ol' Blue inside because he was getting old and then it was "the dogs are only allowed downstairs". Well that rule eventually faded away :p My parents use to be very old fashioned when it comes to raising dogs. They weren't exactly treated as "family members". Now they are, and I'm extremely proud of my parents for this! It's taken YEEEEARS of EDUCATING them. Thank god, for the most part, my parents are very reasonable people who are wiling to communicate. It was deffinately a lot more aggrivating when I was "underaged" and therefore I had pretty much ZERO control over my own dogs as far as medical care, housing, food etc. I still don't have full control as it's not MY house or yard so therefore I don't have a fence for them (which I HATE) because my dad doesn't want to put one in. Although it's turned into such a pain having to untangle the dogs, make sure they're never left out too long (in case they get tangled and can't reach water, shade etc.). We've had to replace countless lines, pullies, clips etc. that I think by now if we'd saved all that money we could have built a fence LOL

For the most part my parents follow any rules I set down for the dogs. I think the thing that changed this the most was 1. I'm no longer a "kid" and apparently that makes my point more valid lol and 2. the last dog I had before I got Coal was Hazel who was very aggressive towards people and dogs. Every plan I came up with to try and fix this problem my parents always put up some kind of blockade because it was too time consuming, there wasn't a real problem, it was too expensive, it wouldn't work bla bla bla the excuses were endless. It wasn't until after Hazel seriously bit someone, was PTS and I was completely HEARTBROKEN that my parents started listening to my training ideas.

My dad is friggin awesome when it comes to the dogs. He looks after them a lot when I go away and he has put in a lot of time, energy, and money into them. I think he does it moreso for me rather than the dogs, but either way I love him to pieces for it. He even built this ginormous dog house (which I still need to paint) :D

My mom, on the other hand, sometimes bitches nonstop about my dogs. About how inconvienent they are, how they shed everywhere, wreck the floors and furniture, they're noisy, etc. etc. I understand her complaints, and do what I can to keep my dogs from destroying her house and from annoying here, so what gets to me is this endless bitching even though I'm TRYING and she doesn't seem to get that.

deege39 - I feel for your situation, and understand if there's some reason why you can't move out (as I'm currently in the "saving up" stage myself), but I think your best solution is to get your own place. The only other thing I can think of is to gain 100% full control over Donatello by keeping him in your room while you're not home and keeping him with you every minute you are home. Of course, it depends on how long you're gone for the day too, but that's the only thing I can think of; just don't give your family access to him.
 

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Yes I'm 21 and I live with my mom.
Hey, I'm 21 ,too! I live with my mom and dad (only child). Bailey is my dog, Coco (the dachshund) was originally purchased for me when I was 8 but quickly became my mom's dog. We got our first Corgi, Roscoe, from an "oops" litter from a lady my mom worked with. He was a great dog, trained himself to do his business outside, very much a protector (especially of me) but not aggressive. When we lost him I was completely crushed. It was right around my 16th birthday and my mom took me to pick out Bailey. They know how much I adore her and are very supportive.

My mom has always loved dogs, but my dad was never going to have a pet in the house. But after living with Roscoe and Bailey he loves Corgis, and tells anyone looking for a dog to look into a Corgi!

My parents are great with Bailey, except for all the treats they give her:rolleyes:. It's funny because my aunt has a farm and we get fresh eggs from her. My dad loves these eggs, and is very protective of them, but he shares with Bailey!
 

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I am 24 and live at home with my mom stepdad and younger sister. My mom is disabled and I am the only one willing to help out around the house.

I am the only animal lover in the house and this definitely does not go over well with my mom especially and I 100% cannot wait until the day I can move out!

I mostly hear
Your dogs are the reason I never have people over (I don't really get this since all but 1 of my dogs love people and are very very well behaved)

Your dogs are why I can't wear black ever (I sleep in the same bed as my dogs and my dogs are on me all the time I wear black a lot it's called a sticky roller)

Your dogs are the reason I never eat (ummm my dogs don't beg for food from anyone else they only do it to you because you feed them from your plate even though I have told you 10000000 times not too!)

Dogs belong outside not in the house making it nasty (yeah I don't see you putting max out anytime soon so my dogs are staying right where they are)

Max doesn't eat because of your dogs (Max doesn't eat because you made him aggressive when it comes to his food and now wants you to hand feed him each piece of food)

Ohh the list could go on and on and on and OOOONNNN

I learned to tune it out a long long time ago lol I pay for their stuff and bills and clean up after them yes this is her house but I have no plans to get rid of them since the day they go I go.
 
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