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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We have 2 labs, an 11 year old and a 6 mo old. I have taken him through a couple of training classes and he does really well for the most part. There are things I"m working on getting better but I know it all takes time and patience.
The one thing that I"m really having issues is with my husband and his lack of training the puppy. He just "assumes" that the puppy should understand what he's telling him and of course when he's not listening and jumping up constantly to grab his ball or frisbee he gets frustrated. I keep telling him that he's never going to learn from him if he doesn't train him during this and let him know what he expects of the puppy. I keep telling him that every time he jumps up even though you just keep staying stop, off you ultimatley end up throwing the frisbee and he thinks well if I jump he'll throw it for me but he does NOT get it, or I actually just should say he doesn't want to take the time to do it right, he just wants to have fun with the puppy.
So my question is, the puppy does not do this with me, IF he does which is not often it's usually once and I tell him no, make him sit then throw the frisbee and he's fine. He is the same for our son. It seems the puppy is learning what behaviours he can do with him verses me or our son. Our older dog has figured out long ago who likes what kind of play, what behaviors he can do with others, such as he will sit, and beg adn whine whle my hubby is eating (all the while him getting mad) yet he doesn't do this with me and so forth. I feel like since I know I can't "change" my hubby I should just let it be but it's so frustrating and irritating especially when he'll make comments like, I wish he would stop jumping up for the frisbee.

Thankfully we have already raised our own children lol and they survived and are great kids.:wink:
 

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I totally 100% feel your frustration! My husband is the same way, it's a pain.

I'd like to know how to train him too lol :)

My puppy, like your's, has at least already figured out that with him she can rough house and get by with more. With me, not so much, she just wants to be petted or play fetch.
 

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I'd recommend sending the hubby and the puppy to a group training class on their own. The best part is when they come home and tell you about a training revelation that you've said at least a hundred times :D

That, or let your husband do 'his thing' with the puppy and you do yours. And use management (ex. puppy in crate with Kong) during shared times, like mealtimes, to encourage the habits you want.

I also found it helpful to write things down for my partner and approach it as a conversation rather than a lecture. For example, when I got my puppy I wrote down a Tips & Rules kind of sheet and said "I want all of us to follow this to make our lives easier". Us instead of You. Our lives easier versus Don't ruin my training. And then I asked if he had any questions or if I could help him with it in any way. So it was more of an interaction rather than me telling him "do this, don't do that". This isn't for everyone but it worked well for us. It also helps to focus on one or two things at a time. And, like it is with dogs, provide plenty of encouragement and praise. I still randomly say things like "you handled that very well!" or "Brae's listening so nicely to you!" or "great timing with that one!" when my partner does (in my mind) really great training practices with my dog.

But seriously, there is something about relationships that makes it hard for one person to tell the other what to do. I and a number of trainer friends agree on this. And even professional trainers will encourage other trainers to refer relatives out. Every relationship is different of course. But what you are experiencing is not abnormal.
 

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I'm going to give what you did a try!

I'v always been better express what I'm trying to say/show/do in writing than verbally saying it anyways, don't know why I never thought to do anything like that before.

After reading what you said, I realize I do the "do this, don't do that" a lot :doh:
 

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Yeah......I've gone through this with my wife, she has no interest in learning how to train a dog. It's not fun to her, its work. I think it's like that for a whole lot of people. No shame in it. She has her lab, who is easy. Very little actual training but she's a well behaved dog around the home which is really all my wife wants out of her. My personal dog is a handful. My wife loves him, but she doesnt do alot of actual interacting with him- because, well, since she doesnt train him and work with him they dont have the simpatico for him to really listen to her. Its fine. She has come to understand that without putting in the work ( which she isn't willing to do ) he's not going to listen to her like he does me. She has also come to accept that fact.
I think your husband will need to come to grips with the fact that having a well behaved obedient dog takes work. If he doesn't want the work, then he has limited interaction with the dog. It might sound harsh, but its really not unreasonable. My wife gives my dog affection but thats about it. She accepts it for what it is.
 

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I had a husband who was actually a jerk to my dog. I finally "sent the dog" after he was being a jerk to her and he was walking away. It was like she had been waiting her whole LIFE to hear me send her. She launched all 95 pounds straight at him hitting him high in the middle of the back with her muzzle. Cleaned him off his feet. He rolled over and she was straddling him looking him in the face.. not doing anything but making her point.

Due to lack of trainability I got rid of the husband (almost 20 years ago). Had a BF for awhile. I rehomed him. Totally untrainable. Too much fear aggression and lacking in confidence.

Now I just train dogs and, of course, they all think I am perfect..... :pound:
 

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I was in school and living at home with my parents when I got my dog, Kuma. I remember when I was teaching him not to jump up. My method as recommended by my trainer was to completely ignore him until the instant all four feet were on the floor, and then give him what he wanted, my attention and praise. I instructed both parents to follow this as well, and my mom followed my directions perfectly. My dad, on the other hand, not so much. At first he would stare at Kuma, doing this weird little dance trying to dodge Kuma as he jumped, lol. I managed to coach him out of doing that, but I could NOT convince him to pet and praise Kuma the instant he stopped jumping. He'd just stand there and stare at him, and of course, then Kuma would go right back to jumping. He was convinced that praising Kuma right away would only lead to him jumping more and that he needed to make him sit there a while before praising him. Nothing I said, none of my explanations that you had to START with praising him immediately at first and work up to duration made any difference, so I quit trying. Kuma didn't jump on me, or my mom, and so I let him jump on my dad, lol. It didn't actually take all that long for my dad to see this and to come around to what I was saying once he realized that not only was he literally the ONLY person not following my instructions, but also the ONLY person Kuma still jumped on, lol.

So long as your husband isn't abusive to your dog when he jumps, I'd focus on continuing to train him not to jump on you and your son, and let him jump all over your husband. It seems for some men, that's the only way they will come around and actually listen to you, lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone. That's exactly it, it's work and he doesn't want to take that time out of his day to train, he just wants to go straight to play and have fun. The puppy loves him and he loves the puppy there is no doubt and he is not mean to the puppy but it's just so frustrating to hear him complain that Oakley jumped up and tried grabbing the frisbee and got skin, it's really hard to be sympathetic. I wish I could write it down for my hubby but he wouldn't read it so telling him is better. I always use, the trainer said this is what we should do for this or that. Last night we may have finally reached the moment he is now getting what I'm saying. Yesterday he was playing frisbee with Oakley, Oakley jumped up to grab the frisbee and while doing this got my hubby's finger, he got it good. Not trying to be but I think my lack of sympathy made him say don't you care about my finger and I said well as a matter of fact lol, Anyways I said from the beginning I've told you after the training classes what we needed to work on and you don't seem to want to to this. Unforunatley Oakely knows you allow this therefore it's not ever going to stop until YOU train him not to. I said no matter how much I do with him it isn't going to make him stop doing it to you. So he finally said ok show me how. So we went out and we worked on it a little. My fear is my hubby gives up easily so I explained to him that it's not going to happen right away, it's going to take time. So hopefully this will stick and he will take the time.
 

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Sometimes when you're teaching or training, the student doesn't get get it right away, so you may have to try different simpler lessons to get some incremental successes, to build more patience with time on task ... and building more delayed gratification .... This can work with dogs, kids, ... and adults. ;-)
 
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