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this is a long rant, so for people who dont want to read all of it heres the general idea; my SOs sister got a 7.5week old puppy, from a BYB, and is angry we dont like her having it, she is saying i know nothing etc, they both work full time. so i told her to come to DF for a second opinion ;)

i just went to visit my SOs sister, a few weeks ago she got a 7.5week old staffy X shar pei puppy. we cried for ages after we found out. (a few months ago we lost our yound BYB puppy to Parvo, and have since learnt our lesson, and a lot more info) we had to go visit and see her new house but we dreaded seeing her puppy and finding out about him. she works/studies full time and he works full time too. they have no time for a puppy. and know nothing about dogs really. he grew up on a farm so thinks he knows everything.

so we went to visit, i walk in the door and the puppy trys to eat my hands while i undo my shoes, i yelp etc but just get funny looks for them. the puppy responds well. but as she talks about him and how he is deaf (obviously not at all) but they think so as he doesn't hear cars going past etc.

then they tell us how he has to sleep in the garage, he is a 10 or so week old puppy and its almost winter here, we have harsh winters.

so then i tell them how its illegal in parts of the USA to get a puppy before its 8 weeks old, right? and they said it depends who you get it from and how the people they got him from were good as the puppy had its first vaccinations. i went on to say how the people were obviously irresponsible as they were breeding mutts and even if it was an accident the dog should of been fixed so it couldn't happen.

after we left my SO got a message from her saying we weren't welcome there anymore as i had insulted her dog etc. my SO who is on my side said neither of us would visit again. she was really upset and it ended with her asking if we think her puppy should of been born. we told her it was not responsible as there were lots of dogs in shelters already. she said we should get off our high horse because we got a mixed breed puppy. we said we made a misteke and would never do it again. and that she should of done more research.

now she is having a go at me saying i know nothing.

people make me so mad!!!! poor we puppy!!!!
thanks for letting me rant, i told her to come to DF and get a second opinion ;)
 

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The best way to handle this is to let it go. You aren't going to change her mind and you aren't going to change what she does. It is my guess the puppy will end up at the shelter eventually.

Here is the thing. You can't change it. She has the pup and telling her all this now is just going to make enemies. It isn't helping the pup at all. You can't select "undo" on the puppy. You cannot control your sister and her SO. They are adults making their own lives and decisions, no matter who much you don't like what they do.

If you don't CARE if you ever see your sister again, then just walk away and stop answering her phone messages etc. (block her calls). If you cannot let it go, and you want to control things or change things you cannot control, that may be your best option.

If you DO want a relationship with your sister, back off and let it go. When you go there do what you need to do is to be kind to the puppy and see if you can plant the seed in their heads regarding training etc. If you can say things that let them adopt the idea of training etc. as theirs, they will be much more receptive.
 

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I guess everyone makes mistakes and maybe they didn't know any better.

Although I am very outspoken on this forum, I keep my views to myself when I'm in social circles.

I have this one friend who is a really cool person. However, she and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to dog views.

She belives that people who don't rescue are bad people, because there are so many dogs languishing in the pound. Her mom is VERY actively involved in all-breed rescue, and my boyfriend's dog actually came from this rescue.

She belives that there is no need for any breeder anywhere, because there is already such an over population problem.

I think that people should be able to do whatever they want to do, including having the choice of being able to buy a puppy from a quality breeder.

She even started busting chops on one of our friends who bought a pure bred bull mastiff puppy from a show breeder as a PET, rather then adopting a dog from the pound.

She was really angry about it.

Although I personally think very differently from her, I just kept my mouth shut. And that's what I'm trying to get at- you can't change people's minds once they feel very strongly about something.

And facing facts, most people like your SO's sister think their dogs are their family. When you tell them things like, "Oh, you're wrong for doing this" They get really defensive and hurt.

They really just don't get where you're coming from.

People really need to figure things out on their own, IMHO. If I were you, I'd have a sit down with them and explain your views, and then just drop the whole situation.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
yea, im just going to drop it now, m trying to not have anything to do with her. the part that makes me mad is that i don't think i did anything wrong. i didn't bring it up until my SO said something, and when she said the people they got him from were responsible etc, i got really upset. they obviously weren't. but i thought i had kept my mouth shut enough and we left. but then she text us attacking me. i was really hurt by that.
 

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You're making a huge mountain out of a tiny molehill and you're (perceived anyway) to be telling them how to live their lives. Most people are going to get ticked off at that. I certainly would if my brother's girlfriend starts questioning how I care for my animals. What they're doing doesn't sound extreme or that abnormal to me. It happens every day all across the country. On a scale of 1-10 it's a 2 or a 3 yet you're reacting to it like it's a 13 or 14.
 

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yea, im just going to drop it now, m trying to not have anything to do with her. the part that makes me mad is that i don't think i did anything wrong. i didn't bring it up until my SO said something, and when she said the people they got him from were responsible etc, i got really upset. they obviously weren't. but i thought i had kept my mouth shut enough and we left. but then she text us attacking me. i was really hurt by that.
I am going to say something here that you can take or leave.. it is the things I have worked out over the years and I wish I had worked them out 20 years b4 I did.

Being hurt by someone else, no matter who, is a choice. You can choose to be hurt or you can just let it go. It takes practice to learn to do this (let stuff go and not be hurt).

In all of life it often is not who did what wrong or who said what to who. You can't control most of that stuff out there.

You CAN control one thing. YOU. IOW's you can't undo what your sister said, or what she and her SO have done by getting this dog (or anything else they do you don't agree with). You can only control YOUR REACTION.

Now, it isn't easy to realize that not reacting or changing your reaction is the answer. It took me years to figure this out.

If you choose to drop this (and it is your choice) and you choose to let it go (along with the hurt) you will find out how much REAL power you have.

Think about it. You know.. the only way you can help this dog is to move forward in your own strength.. not react to your sister and not try to change her mind.. but move forward with the idea that your calm demeanor with your sister might help the dog.

We get to choose our friends. We don't get to choose our family. Our family is the only one we have.. warts and all! :p
 

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I am going to say something here that you can take or leave.. it is the things I ahve worked out over the years and I wish I had worked them out 20 years b4 I did.

Being hurt by someone else, no matter who, is a choice. You can choose to be hurt or you can just let it go. It takes practice to learn to do this (let stuff go and not be hurt).

In all of life it often is not who did what wrong or sho said what to who. You can't control most of that stuff out there.

You CAN control one thing. YOU. IOW's you can't undo what your sister siad, or what she and her SO have done by getting this dog (or anything else they do you don't agree with). You can only control YOUR REACTION.

Now, it isn't easy to realize that not reacting or changing your reaction is the answer. It took me years to figure this out.

If you choose to drop this (and it is your choice) and you choose to let it go (along with the hurt) you will find out how much REAL power you have.

Think about it. You know.. the only way you can help this dog is to move forward in your own strength.. not react to your sister and not try to change her mind.. but move forward with the idea that your calm demeanor with your sister might help the dog.

We get to choose our friends. We don't get to choose our family. Our family is the only one we have.. warts and all! :p
You know...I think I could learn alot from you...:)
 

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The unfortunate thing is all you can really do is let it go. Unless there is something illegal going on that you can call in, there is nothing that can be done about how others raise their dogs. I know I see some dogs in my family that I feel bad for and would handle entirely different, but those dogs aren't my responsibility. My dogs are and I take care of them better than myself, probably :p

And hell, at the other end of the spectrum, there are family members that think bathing/cutting their nails/brushing is a joke. "Dogs take care of that stuff on their own" says my sister's fiance.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
i know i over reacted at the time. now im just going to avoid her, when she got this puppy my SO and i were upset as we know they wont do as much as the puppy deserves. but then we calmed down and just let it go. we were still sad for the pup but knew there was nothing we could do.
now the problem was that we went to her place, i didn't talk about the puppy or tell her anything. i just left it alone. my SO, her brother, spoke a little to her about it, and i only spoke once.
but after we left she was so rude to me and cruel about my personality.
that really hurt. but now that i have calmed down i can get over it, its just hard that such a small thing from me got me banned from her house etc.

but now ill just move on, no need to dwell on it. thanks for letting me vent
 
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