I really don't want to post this thread but, as a responsible small dog owner, I kind of have to.
Laurel is eight months old and becoming increasingly vocal. I'll spare you the anthropomorphizing and just say that I'm a renter and retired so "Why don't you just buy a house?" isn't helpful.
I want to teach her three commands, ideally in this order:
1.) "Speak" for a standard "stupid pet trick". She can look cute and stand up on her hind legs if she wants to, but I don't really care.
2.) "Speak truth to power!" (Or, Ideally but impractically from poor Laurel's point of view, "Preach it, Sista! Speak truth to power! GOOD doggie GOOD doggie GOOD doggie!") to communicate to Laurel that this is a safe and appropriate place to bark and not to worry about it (and ideally to make non-dog people think it was a stupid pet trick and I was cooler than I actually am, of course.
And, FINALLY, what my neighbours think I should have done in the first place with an e-collar and a googlephone....
3.) "No speak" (Or, ideally but even more impractically, burst into this song https://invidio.us/watch?v=TR3Vdo5etCQ but I'm not that funny and you get the point about cool dog with inexperienced trainer already) for my neighbours.
I'm asking a question so please feel free to critique my plans for the order of and the necessity of all three commands/stupid pet tricks. I want to make this as easy on Laurel as possible and there is no shortage of stupid pet tricks out there that we would both enjoy.