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Has your heart ever been broken by a mismatch?

2K views 9 replies 10 participants last post by  Thracian 
#1 · (Edited)
I got a puppy who I love completely. But since I got her, she's had extreme playbiting issues. At first I thought it was just normal, and thought nothing of it. But it got worse and worse. Even with behavior modification and training, I can't make her stop. And it reached a crisis point with me, because she will be a big dog and it scares me that she could end up continuing this habit as a big girl. That would be the death of her and a big danger to others. And her behavior is becoming bad in other ways as well. She will listen to me perfectly when we do obedience training, but at other times, she is like a wild child, jumping on the counters, stealing things, then napping, then starting all over again. When she is good, she is the most fantastic little dog, but when she is bad it is intolerable.

So I got to a point where, after spending many $ on training, behavior management, supplies, etc. and devoting hundreds of hours doing training, structured play, etc., I decided that I had done all I could, she is not responding to me, and she had to go. I found her a wonderful place where I am confident she can be helped and then placed with a home that matches her high drive and temperament.

But this is killing me. I just wonder WHY she's this way with me. I love her so much and can't bear the thought of leaving her. I worry that she will be afraid. I worry that she'll feel abandoned. Even though where she's going has a lot more action going on (including dogs and another puppy to play with). I look at her little face and the way she looks at me and it breaks my heart. And I feel guilty that I could not shape her behavior better. I have had other dogs (one for 16 years), including 2 at a time, and I could handle them well. Why won't this one listen? The vet and behaviorist said I made a "bad choice" (breed and temperament compared to my personality). That really doesn't make me feel any better. I feel like I'm betraying her even though I feel in my heart that this is the best thing for her.

Have you ever had this happen or know of anyone who made a bad match with a dog? Have you ever had a dog refuse to respond even when you use all the techniques suggested by behaviorists and trainers?
 
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#3 ·
I have no idea the dog age or breed but I would be willing to bet you are trying more to be her friend and to love her than being her her handler. You may have a consistancy problem as well (and you are not alone on this.. it is a common issue).

Just a thought.

She will miss you for awhile, but dogs are very able to move on. You will be WAY more affected by this than she will be.

Good luck and I do truly feel for you.
 
#4 ·
It would be very hard giving up a dog. I have two and one has some minor behavior problems, but we worked through them well. Maybe if you try to find a home for her with a farm or some land at least. Then she can run around and go wild and have fun! I bet she would love a home with other dogs too. Being an outdoor dog just might be a better fit. Good Luck with everything! I'm sure if you meet the owners and feel comfortable with them it will work out fine.
 
#7 ·
If you did all you believe you could, instead of feeling heartbroken, I would feel content knowing it's not me but the dog... (One way to look at it...)

You're not ending her life, you're not abandoning her... You're giving her another chance at a long full life. That's nothing to feel sad over! :)
 
#8 ·
Callie used to be a biter when she was a pup... everytime she'd bite, I'd yelp, pull away, and ignore her. But one day, I got fed up. The biting wasn't getting any better, so i decided to take matters into my own hands. When she bit me, I grabbed her by the scruff of her neck (along with her collar), flipped her over on her back, and bit her back.... Sadly, it worked. Now she knows to bite only when we're play fighting. But, I'm not recommending you bite your dog. :p
Someone on here should give you the information you need to help fix your dogs behavioral issue. Good luck.
 
#10 · (Edited)
Yes. In my case I had to give her up because of allergies, not because of behavioral issues. Still a mismatch, though. She was a maltese mix, but had enough terrier in her that I started having allergic reactions. The sad thing was I spent two or three hours with her before bringing her home and had no reaction, so I figured we were good to go. And that's when the trouble began. The sneezing was not fun, but once the hives started, I knew I couldn't keep her. It still broke my heart.

I found her a good home, and we keep in touch via e-mail. I feel bad about it at times, but she deserved to live with someone who wasn't afraid to touch her.

Now I'm sticking with low-shedding breeds. With mixes, both need to be low-shedding (like Cupid) or it won't work.
 
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