Husband wants to get rid of my dogs
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Thread: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

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    Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Hi
    So my husband has told me that he refuses to live with our dogs anymore. They are both 140lbs and 3 years old and I've had them since they were puppies, got them a few moths after my husband and I married. The dogs are both well behaved, house trained and loving. However, we just bought a new house with hardwood floors and their nails are gouging the wood. My husband also hates the slobber and dog hair that gets everywhere. I've offered every compromise I can think of so I can keep them around, but now it's him or the dogs. What can I do to keep my dogs and my husband?!?

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    Senior Member Tylerthegiant's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    That really sucks. I don't know what to tell you. My DH and I have fought over the dogs as far as training, care and that sort of thing, but my DH is not the type to say, "Okay, I agreed to get dogs knowing they are a lifetime commitment, I'll let you get attached for three years and then I'll say it's me or the dogs and I will not budge, it's my way or the highway." We actually bought our house with our dogs in mind, our relator thought we were crazy. I don't know your husband, of course you love him. But I would be way more furious than any thing else. That does not sound like a partnership, and it sounds like marriage issues, not dog issues. I can't say what I would do in your situation because my DH would never put me in that situation, nor do I have to live with the consequences of the advise I would give you.

    1 husband*1 teenager*2 boxers* 2 great danes* 2 cats* 2 ferrets* 2 african cyclids* 34 land hermit crabs

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    Senior Member Crantastic's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Call his bluff. Take your dogs and move out for a while. Let him enjoy his hardwood floors all alone.

    Crystal the Papillon and Casper the Alaskan Klee Kai

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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Quote Originally Posted by Rgrdgr View Post
    Hi
    So my husband has told me that he refuses to live with our dogs anymore. They are both 140lbs and 3 years old and I've had them since they were puppies, got them a few moths after my husband and I married. The dogs are both well behaved, house trained and loving. However, we just bought a new house with hardwood floors and their nails are gouging the wood. My husband also hates the slobber and dog hair that gets everywhere. I've offered every compromise I can think of so I can keep them around, but now it's him or the dogs. What can I do to keep my dogs and my husband?!?
    Sounds like you need counseling. It's not really a dog issue or a hardwood floor issue, plenty of people have hardwood floors and dogs. I hope you and your husband can figure this out.

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    Senior Member BernerMax's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Poor poor doggies .... I hope you and your husband can work something out for them....

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    Senior Member voodookitten's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Quote Originally Posted by Crantastic View Post
    Call his bluff. Take your dogs and move out for a while. Let him enjoy his hardwood floors all alone.
    I normally wouldnt say anything like this - but if the only reason your husband wants to get rid of the dogs is ONLY because their nails hurt the hardwood floors - thats really pathetic so I agree with Crantastic 100%. I'm not saying your husband is pathetic, just the way he is reacting and throwing ultimatums around is.

    I have to ask the obvious - has he brought this up before? Has he had previous issues with the dogs before? We only have a 4 line intro into the whole situation to base a judgement on so Im pretty sure that there is a hell of a lot more to this that 4 lines. A load more info is needed as you are asking on an open forum whether to leave your husband (you married him so Im pretty sure you love the hell out of him!) as he hates the dogs nails on the hardwood floors of the house you just bought.

    Spill your guts, get the whole story out and then let everyone judge it :-)) No, seriously, if it as serious as it sounds from your intro, please share as much info as you can to get a proper and accurate opinion from others so a) no one misjudges the situation and b) everyone may be able to help you save your relationship and your dogs.

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    Senior Member HollowHeaven's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Personally, I'd laugh and pat him on the back. Cute joke, tell it again.

    Floors are not as important as a life.
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Suggest removing all the hardwood and go with a durable laminate flooring instead?

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    Senior Member reynosa_k9's's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    If he would really leave you over an issue with the dogs, well, I think the dogs are just an excuse. I have no doubt there are deeper issues there.
    I think you two need to sit down and talk.....really talk and listen.
    Whoever said "Money can't buy happiness." never paid an adoption fee.

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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Do u have the room in your yard to house the dogs?

    I would never recommend choosing a dog over a husband I am sorry even if I love my dog.
    It would be the same as me saying I could also potentially give up my kids over a dog.

    I have a 100lb pyr puppy. I love him a lot. Researched & heard stories of pyrs destroying drywalls, stripping couches to the frames etc. But I know and am ready for what I am in for... and Roman is a big chewer... tore up my porch carpet and ate up the hot tub. Perk is he is my Hubby's dog and when mad threatened to crap list (craiglists) him. Still we always forgive & forget & accept who Roman is... a pyr typical.

    Thing is my hubby is also very particular about his new house... we are also just bought in 2011.
    Worse thing is hubby is into modern contemporary and loves his clean lines... so a dog tearing up his interior hubby would just be as angry as yours.

    I do think my hubby will always come before the dog (did tell him in end world scenario, will cook Roman up to ease the kids and his hunger) lol! Hubby will then cry "noooo"... knowing I'm joking of course. But the reality is husband's & my kid's life for me & my culture will always be more important than that of any animals. Even if we love our cat & dog close to that love of kin.

    Think how would you feel should your husband chooses to move out for a day or week etc. With the dogs choosing them over you to try & make a point. Should your position as spouse, lover, family, even as a human be only worth less than the dogs? As a spouse that mentality will not be good for that relationship.

    Even saying above, I will add that owning lives especially that of your beloved pet is a huge commitment... but may be made even more difficult during any family discord like divorce, seperation etc. Family harmony is also key to a mentally stable pet with less issues
    .. consistency (training) remember?

    - My one & only dog lived from puppyhood till he died of kidney failure when I was 15. Never gave any pet up for rescue yet & never intend to start. Also a dog at a time person.... (quality attention).

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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Just the fact that he insisted I give up my dogs would make me start hearing alarm (or, more specifically, divorce) bells. I'd recommend serious counseling, but NOT with any therapist who thinks dogs are disposable or not terribly important (I'm sure they're out there). Instead, you want to get to the heart of the matter: is he feeling insecure and/or showing a controlling streak, or did he really just fall in love with the new house and hardwood floors and stop liking the dogs as a result? Either way is a problem, of course, but knowing what's going on and why it's important to him can shape how things proceed.

    I'm married and my husband knows to never, ever do this. I really don't see the problem in valuing pets the same as a marriage, they're a relationship and a commitment too! I came to my own marriage with a plethora of animals, and he loves them like his own now. If he'd ever even breathed the words "get rid of them," I would've been gone. Animals are a part of the family to me, period, and family doesn't demand that you give up or sever ties with other (more helpless and more dependent) family members.

    I wouldn't boot housedogs into a yard, either. Offer to give them more exercise, more grooming sessions, more training (while making it crystal clear that hubby will be helping with those things, not watching from the sidelines)? Sure. Kicking them out or giving them up? No sir, can't do. Doesn't process.

    Just out of curiosity, you said the two of you got these dogs together after you'd gotten married...did he not think about the fact that dogs shed and drool when you picked them out? Was it one of those things where one of you was more excited about dogs than the other?

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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    If you can only save one..
    Hubby or dog?
    Children or dog?

    I think just for myself, the answer is very clearcut... but that is my opinion only.
    For me, when my husband values that house, dog, possession over me or my kids... then I will know he never did love me more than himself..
    That would put the question of why is he even with me in my mind... definitely the question of why is he even with me.

    It is because my hubby knows without question that he is #1.
    Because my love for him is absolute... then is because of him, we have our result of that love, the kids... and the dog & cat...
    Then the rest like the house, the cars, the possessions is the beer that fills up the rest of the empty glass that contain the golf ball (immediate priority, children), the sand (family & friends & pets)... with the empty glass being you.. and your spouse & god too if they are as important as you.

    P.S. Although my hubby know for a fact that he in my eyes will always be even more important than me or my dogs or his dogs.
    love absolute = hubby #1

    BTW... I stay home 24/7 with my Hubby's dog Roman.. he is indoor with partially fenced in 10acres to run. I actually spend more time with Roman than with my children and husband
    Last edited by hueyeats; 04-07-2013 at 12:06 PM.

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    Senior Member SydTheSpaniel's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    I agree with most everyone here's advice. My husband and I... kinda went through something similar, except he didn't give me an ultimatum. He told me we could keep the puppy, but he wasn't happy about it, and it caused us to have a lot of fights. Not to mention, emotionally we were dealing with a loss and it just wasn't the right time. So, we came to a compromise. I rehome the puppy to a better place, and we'll talk about getting another when we are emotionally ready. And in a house with a yard. A year from now, probably.

    But your situation is a bit different than mine! 3 years with your dogs, and now he's telling you to get rid of them? Unacceptable. Our older dog is with us for life. My husband loves Sydney to death and would never tell me to get rid of her, that's just way too long to get attached, and you've made the commitment. His reasons are not very valid either. I have hard wood floors and my dog's nails don't ruin the wood, so I'm not sure how it's causing so much damage? Are their nails trimmed?

    As for the fur everywhere, my husband got into it with me once about Syd's excessive shedding. He was upset that his uniforms for work kept getting hairy. I told him to use a lint roll, it's really not THAT big of a deal. I promised I would brush her more, and I bought some furminator deshedding spray (which by the way works amazingly.) We got through it and made a compromise. It's really not worth ruining your marriage over.

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    Senior Member BernerMax's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Quote Originally Posted by hueyeats View Post
    If you can only save one..
    Hubby or dog?
    Children or dog?

    I think just for myself, the answer is very clearcut... but that is my opinion only.
    For me, when my husband values that house, dog, possession over me or my kids... then I will know he never did love me more than himself..
    That would put the question of why is he even with me in my mind... definitely the question of why is he even with me.

    It is because my hubby knows without question that he is #1.
    Because my love for him is absolute... then is because of him, we have our result of that love, the kids... and the dog & cat...
    Then the rest like the house, the cars, the possessions is the beer that fills up the rest of the empty glass that contain the golf ball (immediate priority), the sand (family & friends & pets)... with the empty glass being you.. and your spouse & god too if they are as important as you.
    In the line of work that I do. I have seen people give up their adoptive children. The dog issue isnt far off. As well as plenty of marriages that have broken up over the bio kids as well.
    This guy is giving her a view of the future..... She should learn something by this (I say keep the dogs, its not reasonable to just change your mind over..FLOORS-- we bought our house in 2012, it has all hardwood floors, hubby doesnt want our dogs inside either, we are working something out, after alot of fighting about it... it was not easy.. but who said marriage was easy?)....

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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs. The house we just bought, we had built for us, so ripping out the flooring wouldn't fly. I've asked him on numerous occasions if there is anything besides the dogs that is wrong and he insists that he just wants to sit down on the couch without a mastiff with shoe string drool putting his head in his lap. He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick.

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    Senior Member BernerMax's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Quote Originally Posted by Rgrdgr View Post
    Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs. The house we just bought, we had built for us, so ripping out the flooring wouldn't fly. I've asked him on numerous occasions if there is anything besides the dogs that is wrong and he insists that he just wants to sit down on the couch without a mastiff with shoe string drool putting his head in his lap. He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick.
    So rope off/babygate the living room for your husband while he is home- dogs learn fast-- before we worked out a solution my giant schnauzer girl learned to go out the back door as soon as my husband came in through the front! You could even boundary marker train them to certain areas (and then teach them to avoid your husband, do this carefully though).... Get a trainer involved-- they would be really helpful in this kind of unique solution. Also, if you are home alot, I really do think you need the companionship....and dogs in the home are a great deterrent for things like home invasion-- tell your hubby its for your safety and peace of mind and then work out how your hubby can have dog free space-- he isnt home that much-- you can figure it out.... Get that trainer in asap they will have good ideas-- let us know where you are located and someone on Dog Forums can give you a lead on trainers...

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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Quote Originally Posted by BernerMax View Post
    In the line of work that I do. I have seen people give up their adoptive children. The dog issue isnt far off. As well as plenty of marriages that have broken up over the bio kids as well.
    This guy is giving her a view of the future..... She should learn something by this (I say keep the dogs, its not reasonable to just change your mind over..FLOORS-- we bought our house in 2012, it has all hardwood floors, hubby doesnt want our dogs inside either, we are working something out, after alot of fighting about it... it was not easy.. but who said marriage was easy?)....
    See, the way I see it...
    One can learn a lot from reverse psychology...
    When my husband also loves me more than himself as #1... what I want will already be what he wants as he truely loves me enough to want me happy...
    With that in mind... would he even ever make me choose?

    Answer will be no.
    He would never blur the line to subject the marriage to any problems.
    - see it as a "preventive" before even the possibility of starting any arguments over any relationships.

    Of course equal rights to the other spouse. Of being #1.
    Its also a form of respect in my culture.. the charm of being to stay together is recognizing the importance of one another first...

    I am happily married for almost 20 years.
    And should any "bad things that happen to good people scenario".. will easily hobo lifestyle with hubby, kids, and my dog& cat.
    Having the material possession like a house is not even a priority... loving the living lives I care about is.

  19. #18
    Senior Member Crantastic's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    So, 75% of the time, your husband wants you to be sitting in an empty house with no companionship at all? Nice.

    I agree with the suggestion of boundary training the dogs. If you do get a trainer, make sure he or she is a positive trainer. If your layout allows baby gates, though, that would be even easier.

    Also, I have to wonder... if this guy was "just" a boyfriend and not a husband, would people in this thread still tell the OP to put him above all else? Is it the so-called sacred vow of marriage that elevates this dude above everything else in the OP's life, no matter how he changes or what demands he makes?

    Crystal the Papillon and Casper the Alaskan Klee Kai

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    Senior Member Kobismom's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    As a Marriage Therapist, I'm not going to give marital advice here, but I've worked with couples and marriages for over 10 years. I would encourage you to find a good marriage counselor. I'm guessing there's more here than meets the eye. Your spouse is willing to put you into a position of "choose me or them?" That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me.

    Crantastic, you make a good point about this being a spouse versus a BF or unmarried partner. Regardless of the marital status, making someone make a choice like this is a hairy predicament. It's unhealthy for any type of relationship. I would still recommend counseling before making any decisions. There's an innate power struggle going on here. Power struggles have no place in a healthy relationship.
    Last edited by Kobismom; 04-07-2013 at 12:46 PM.
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    Senior Member BernerMax's Avatar
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    Re: Husband wants to get rid of my dogs

    Quote Originally Posted by Kobismom View Post
    As a Marriage Therapist, I'm not going to give marital advice here, but I've worked with couples and marriages for over 10 years. I would encourage you to find a good marriage counselor. I'm guessing there's more here than meets the eye. Your spouse is willing to put you into a position of "choose me or them?" That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me.

    Crantastic, you make a good point about this being a spouse versus a BF or unmarried partner. Regardless of the marital status, making someone make a choice like this is a hairy predicament. It's unhealthy for any type of relationship. I would still recommend counseling before making any decisions. There's an innate power struggle going on here. Power struggles have no place in a healthy relationship.
    Ha Kobismom! That is interesting, I certainly am not a therapist, but lets just say I work with kids..... Good advice x2!

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