When to know to rehome?
DogForums.com is the premier dog Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 69

Thread: When to know to rehome?

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6

    When to know to rehome?

    Here is our story:

    We put down a deposit for a Cockapoo puppy. The breeder also breeds Goldendoodles and she had a Golden who had a bad first pregnancy - she got pregnant but couldn't go into labor and ended up losing the pregnancy. So, she sold her to us - a dog she paid $3k for she sold to us for $400.

    We are now two months into having her and there are so many issues. She will be 2 yrs old in a week. This is a summary of the issues:

    - She is too scared to eat most of the time. She cowers to her food bowl with her back legs almost sticking out so she can run at any given time. No confidence and very very timid.
    - She will go almost up to the water dish and turns right back around - once again due to being too scared.
    - She has never alerted us to using the bathroom. We have always 100% of the time initiated her using the bathroom.
    - She can not be walked on garbage day due to intense fear of the garbage cans.
    - The kids can not have balloons or any kind of bouncing ball in the house without her being so fearful she hides in a corner.
    - The entire house has to be sitting and quiet when she eats her meals. If not, she won't eat.
    - The vet has confirmed she has anxiety and after $100 trip to tell me that - sent me home with natural treats to give her. Next step, would be anti-anxiety medication and blood tests every 6 months. This is not something I signed up for.
    - Anything fast or loud - she develops an intense fear of it.
    - My husband had a hose laying across the back yard - she will now not use that part of the yard.
    - It is hard for me to think of one thing she isn't scared of.
    - She hates being outside. I don't know if when you had her or the breeder before, if play time was limited and she only thinks/knows of the back yard to be "potty" and back "inside". Because, even with the entire family outside she constantly paces back and forth to the back door to be let in.
    - She is afraid of my husbands boots.
    - She is afraid of the wind.
    - She bumped her water dish one day and had to be coaxed for a few days just to drink out of the same dish again.
    - That digging motion she does when she eats - it is anxious behavior. Maybe if she didn't do it so obsessively it wouldn't be. But, it takes over her feeding time and most of the time she ends up hitting her bowl and then running away in fear.
    - While she poops - if a poop hits the ground "loud" ...she jumps in fear.
    - I grew up around Retrievers and never met one that was afraid of a ball or to fetch. Nika is both.

    We have two kids in the home and she isn't really doing anything to bond with them. Our family has had to do more adjusting than the dog has even done. I just don't know..I sent the breeder an email and I don't even know what I expect the response to be. In one respect I feel like she'd be a good fit for an older couple...But, would the anxiety go away or would it be a burden for just someone else? HELP!

  2. Remove Advertisements
    DogForums.com
    Advertisements
     

  3. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Montreal, QC
    Posts
    1,045

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    Have you had a behaviourist in to help you with the situation?

    I wouldn't expect much support from the breeder to be honest -they don't sound to be too stellar to begin with :/

  4. #3
    Senior Member Shell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    7,815

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    You got a dog from a crappy breeder who very likely did absolutely noting to socialize this dog (to the world) and now you have a fearful dog. The good news is that fearful dogs can be worked with IF you want to spend the time to do so. You have only had her 2 months, even average (non-fearful) dogs can take up to about 4 months to get used to a new home.

    So, first as an aside- I hope you are not still going to buy a puppy from this breeder. Because you should be considering the living conditions of that pup's mother (most likely similar to this golden as in, not treated properly)
    This much fear could be simply no socializing BUT given fears to things like food bowls, boots, and many other common objects it indicates actual mistreatment to me. (Indicates, not confirms)

    EDIT TO ADD: I just noticed this
    She will be 2 yrs old in a week.
    So the dog couldn't have been more than about 1.5 years old when she was bred? (You've had her two months plus figuring in time for the failed pregnancy to occur). Too young to have been bred, too young to have had the proper health tests before breeding also.

    Then, read up on fearful dogs. Counter conditioning can work wonders. Basically, you will need to slowly and positively introduce her to EVERYTHING. For example, she is scared of boots. So you put the boots in the room and sit a few feet away and hand feed her really awesome treats (like tiny bits of hot dog or cheese). Then you get a little closer to the boots. If she gets nervous or tries to back away, then move back a little bit away from the boots and treat again. Gradually, you will progress towards placing a treat next to the boots for her to get and eventually a treat on the boots.

    For potty training, treat her like a puppy. Outside on a schedule and reward for potty outside.

    Try sitting with her outside (away from the door) and feeding small treats, gently petting her and talking softly. Just have calming moments outside.

    Herbal anti-anxiety meds could help, I found the kind with valerian root to work.

    In the end... personally I think you made a commitment to this dog to attempt everything in your power to make it work. Time, training, socializing and good treatment. The dog may never be "brave" but she will likely progress. The anxiety is very very UNLIKELY to just go away if you give her to someone else and could easily increase (more changes in her life). Bonding will happen after she isn't so freaking scared of everything in the world; it is hard for her to bond and feel comfortable when EVERYTHING is scary enough to shut down over.

    Look for a behaviouralist or positive trainer experienced with fearful dogs if you don't start to see improvements with your own training or if you don't feel confident in training and socializing her.
    Last edited by Shell; 06-03-2012 at 08:06 AM.

  5. #4
    Senior Member deege39's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Covington, GA
    Posts
    2,277

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    So you have the Golden Retriever that couldn't get pregnant and the breeder sold her to you?

    If that's the case, I would almost bet a lot of her problems stem from that. (Not the pregnancy, but probably how she was raised.) If she wasn't socialized and lived with a crappy breeder, or if she herself was pulled away too young as a pup, that could have created a lot of her stress.

  6. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    I am not in any position to be able to afford the costs of behaviorist etc.

  7. #6
    Senior Member Shell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    7,815

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    Quote Originally Posted by mommietoblueyes View Post
    I am not in any position to be able to afford the costs of behaviorist etc.
    Then get books from the library. Read the stickies here for a variety of good advice and suggestions on good authors to read.

    Training might not be that expensive really. A session or two with a good trainer (depending on your location) could be under $100. In the grand scheme of owning a dog, that is chump change. Worth calling around for sure. Try your local humane society and ask who they recommend as affordable and knowledgeable.

  8. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    Sorry for the short reply. I was on my phone. I feel like we were not given full disclosure on Nika and it's sad. Because, we were not prepared to be dealing with this. We thought this was a great thing for us being she was potty trained/leash trained etc. And now I wish all we dealt with were those issues! I'd give anything if it were that simple! I feel like the dog needs to adjust to our lifestyle and not the other way around. I understand the judgement I will get for saying that. I, myself deal with Anxiety and can understand it to an extent - But, as a human I can deal with it. How do you train a dog that is scared of 95% of your home? Yes, with LOTS of trainers and LOTS of $$$$. Which we do not have. I knew when we got a dog I wanted him/her on high quality dog food and vet visits we can afford. But, all of this extra we can not. I feel like our house is too high strung for her and I do not see her adjusting overall.

  9. #8
    Senior Member Shell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    7,815

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    No, you weren't given full disclosure because you got her from an irresponsible breeder.

    I think you should TRY with this dog at least for now, and no, it doesn't need lots of $$$$ necessarily but what it takes is TIME. But during the time you are working with her, you do have to adjust your lifestyle to the dog. With the "average" dog its more of a middle ground, the dog adjusts and the people adjust but you cannot ask that of her at this point.

    That said, if you feel you must re-home her.... contact a Golden Retriever breed-specific rescue, be completely upfront about her needs AND tell them you will pay for 6 months of her expenses (food, flea/tick/HW meds, provide a crate, leash and collar etc). Most rescues are short on both money and time and this dog is going to need some serious rehab to be adoptable. You can't help them with the time (foster homes) factor but you can relieve the burden of the cost.

  10. #9
    Senior Member JulieK1967's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    857

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    "Next step, would be anti-anxiety medication and blood tests every 6 months. This is not something I signed up for."

    Yes, you did. You adopted a dog, flaws and all and it's your responsibility to find a way to work with her. Read, read, read ask the very experienced people here for help and put in the hard work. If she feels your wavering commitment to her, that can exacerbate the problem.

  11. #10
    Senior Member bgmacaw's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Atlanta GA Metro Area
    Posts
    212

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    What you're describing is quite common for breeders that have been poorly socialized and perhaps abused to some degree. While the abuse may be not technically be abuse legally, some rough handling, such as spanking for potty accidents, can cause some dogs to become hyper-fearful like yours.

    It's going to take a lot of work to get the dog to adjust to a more normal life. A few years ago we had a male Norfolk Terrier that had a rough start in life that we adopted from a rescue. Due to our personal situation at the time we couldn't put the necessary time and money into rehabbing him. Fortunately, a lady who worked for our vet adopted him and was able to get him more adjusted. You may want to look at this option if you don't think you can handle it. Just make sure that the person you turn the dog over to knows the problems fully and is willing to work with the dog to fix them.

    If you want to keep trying with the dog, you might want to start with natural methods like Valerian or a Thundershirt along with conditioning treatments before going all-in on heavier meds. You may also want to check out Kikopup's videos on YouTube, like this one...


  12. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Gillett/San Antonio TX
    Posts
    5,074

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    I agree, also something called a thundershirt (google it for more info, I'm mobile right now as well & it's hard to research links I don't have bookmarked) also a really grey site is www.fearfuldogs.com (I think i got the addy right lol) a thundershirt is a best like thing they wear & can help with mess, I would also get blood work done to see if she has something going on like a thyroid abnormality or something.

  13. #12
    Senior Member Daenerys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,101

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    My heart aches for this dog. Think of things from her perspective: she was probably raised in a home where she didn't receive much positive attention or socialization so she doesn't know how to react to things. She doesn't understand what is safe and what is not so she treats everything as possibly dangerous. Now she's been completely uprooted from the only home she's known and is now in a completely strange place with kids running around and people that are just getting frustrated with her. She's terrified because she doesn't feel safe. You need to help her to understand that she IS safe. You don't need to spend a ton of money to do this, but yes, it will take a LOT of time. This poor dog doesn't deserve to live her life in constant fear. You adopted her, so technically it is your responsibility to help her. It's not fair for her to be shuffled all over the place (that would be VERY stressful to her) simply because she wasn't the perfect dog you expected her to be. Would you give up on a child you adopted if they turned out to be like that? The suggestions you've been given so far are great, but if you intend to just get rid of her, I BEG you to take the time to find her a GOOD home with someone that WILL work with her issues, or send her to a golden retriever rescue. Paying for 6 months of her care is definitely something you should do. You got the dog with the intentions of keeping her, so you wouldn't be spending any more money to pay for those 6 months of care than you would have if she had not had these issues and you kept her. In fact, you'd be spending a LOT less.

  14. #13
    Senior Member Donna5503's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Jersey City, New Jersey
    Posts
    507

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    This poor dog sounds like she is scared to death. She needs love & re-assurance from you & your family. It will take some time but try & make her feel loved. Do you have a spot for her that she can call her own, like a crate or corner of a room w/a blanket & her toys? Can you feed her away from the traffic of the house & maybe at a time when the house is at a lull in noise, like maybe when you're in the kitchen cooking & everyone else is in a different part of the house doing something else. There are many dogs out there that are afraid of loud noises, mine is one of them, but I wouldn't rehome them for anything in the world. When he is scared, I talk softly to him. My voice seems to reassure him. Give her a chance, she sounds like she's been through alot.....when you bring a dog into your home there is always an adjustment, on both parts. I just hope you can work things out. She needs love & a family.


    "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." -- Author Unknown

  15. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Gillett/San Antonio TX
    Posts
    5,074

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    Yep my boy Buddy is afraid of loud noises, fire works, thunder & the like but I always reassure him & bring him into the house when I start hearing the distant rumbles of sn approaching storm into his crate where he feels safe til the storm had passed, he takes it better in there.

    How about feeding her in a crate in your bedroom when everyone else has gone to bed for the night? That is what I do with my dogs & it works well for us.

  16. #15
    Senior Member Amaryllis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Arlington, VA
    Posts
    7,780

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    So you got the discount dog from the back yard breeder to avoid the trouble of housebreaking a puppy, and now you're pissed because you got a dud? Well, now you see what you're paying for when you buy cockapoos and doodles- you're paying for some poor dog to be neglected and abused until it can't make money and then it's thrown away to the first bargain hunter who says yes.

    Call a golden rescue. I could encourage you to help this dog, but I dont think you're interested. I think you want us to say something to assuage your guilt. Fine, I absolve you of all guilt. Type "golden retriever rescue" into google and start calling/emailing.

    And don't EVER buy from a puppy mill or BYB. You know what you'd be supporting.
    http://www.dogforums.com/signaturepics/sigpic46986_1.gif

  17. #16
    Senior Member Amaryllis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Arlington, VA
    Posts
    7,780

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    If you're near PA, pm me. This dog I've never met is breaking my heart, and against my better judgment, I might be able to help. (if this is against the rules, I'm sorry. I have no intention of buying the dog, just putting in a word at a rescue I know.)
    http://www.dogforums.com/signaturepics/sigpic46986_1.gif

  18. #17
    Senior Member ThoseWordsAtBest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Kalamazoo, Michigan
    Posts
    10,813

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    Quote Originally Posted by Amaryllis View Post
    If you're near PA, pm me. This dog I've never met is breaking my heart, and against my better judgment, I might be able to help. (if this is against the rules, I'm sorry. I have no intention of buying the dog, just putting in a word at a rescue I know.)
    I've helped get one dog into rescue via DF with no problems. Hopefully if you can help there is a follow through. Another time I offered to pick up a dog a while back from a new poster that never followed through and I never knew what became of the dog.

  19. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    South Dakota
    Posts
    17,548

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    I am wondering where a breeder found a Golden to buy for $3000. That seems super high for such a common breed, even from the bestest breeder ever. Unless the breeder was lying about that to make the OP feel like she got a great deal.

  20. #19
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    Quote Originally Posted by Amaryllis View Post
    So you got the discount dog from the back yard breeder to avoid the trouble of housebreaking a puppy, and now you're pissed because you got a dud? Well, now you see what you're paying for when you buy cockapoos and doodles- you're paying for some poor dog to be neglected and abused until it can't make money and then it's thrown away to the first bargain hunter who says yes.

    Call a golden rescue. I could encourage you to help this dog, but I dont think you're interested. I think you want us to say something to assuage your guilt. Fine, I absolve you of all guilt. Type "golden retriever rescue" into google and start calling/emailing.

    And don't EVER buy from a puppy mill or BYB. You know what you'd be supporting.
    First of all, you need to get off your high horse and be a HUMAN BEING. I did LOADS of research before and a Cockapoo was the breed for us. When Nika was posted about - I thought...maybe this would be a good fit for our family. Fully housebroken - would mean we could get down to cuddles and just really enjoying her vs. spending all our time potty training etc. I deal with anxiety myself and wouldn't wish it on anyone or any animal. She is suffering and for my own selfish reasons...I want to keep her. But, what is best for her? Being in a home that scares her 95% of the time?

    My children have both had speech therapy and I feel experienced in that. If you came to me with question, I could help. Dog behaviorist and all of that I do not have a clue about. I do not have expertise in that field as I am sure most of you all don't as well. I can not afford $300 per hour in "hopes" it "cures" her and she settles in.

    Nika is now on her 3rd home with us. She was bred in CA and flown to VA when she was over a year and stayed with that breeder until we bought her. Where I got her from was NOT a BYB or a Puppy Mill. Don't go throwing those terms around and act like I was not educated when purchasing. I am assuming she was not socialized the way she should have been in CA at her original home. Fast forward to now...her previous owner in VA wants to take her back as she is so upset that she hasn't adjusted to us in the past two months and most if not all of what I told her...has been the opposite in her experience with Nika. For example...she LOVED playing fetch with her and with us is terrified of the ball. And she plans to KEEP her and not rehome her again as she knows that would not be in her best interest.

    I don't need you to make me feel better. And try to hold the hostility in a bit. You know as well as I do...that you wouldn't speak that way in person to me.
    Last edited by mommietoblueyes; 06-03-2012 at 07:48 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  21. #20
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    6

    Re: When to know to rehome?

    She will be going back to her previous home. Thank you for the concern.

  22. Remove Advertisements
    DogForums.com
    Advertisements
     

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast

Quick Reply Quick Reply

  • Decrease Size
    Increase Size
  • Remove Text Formatting
  • Insert Link Insert Image Insert Video
  • Wrap [QUOTE] tags around selected text

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
SEO by vBSEO 3.5.2 ©2010, Crawlability, Inc.