Remembering the Past: Carter

Darkmoon · 11-09-2009, 11:57 PM

I've been thinking a lot about my old pal lately. It's been 19 months now since he had to be put down, and even though I know throughout my whole heart that it was the right thing to do, I still wish I never had to do it.

For those of you who were not on the forum way back when, here is the quick run down (if you want to know more, search my post from back in 2007 for more information).

I adopted Carter in July of 2007 from a very shady Animal Shelter (which was closed this year after so many complaints). He was my first dog, so yes I was a little naive about things, but I took on everything that happened head on, and quickly learned what to do and sought help when needed.

Carter from day one had issues starting with separation anxiety. I had no clue what SA even was at this time. Soon dog aggression and leash reactivity started, then the human aggression. After working 8 months with him, one day he redirected his aggression onto me, and if it wasn't for all the protective garments I wore, he would have done some massive damage to me. Between the horrible SA, Redirected aggression, and lack of help from behaviorist and trainers (Spoke to 17 trainers, 4 behaviorist and only received help from 1 trainer and 2 behaviorist and no one could figure out what to do.) at the advice of my behaviorist, we put him to sleep.

This is Carter at the time 3 years old, Boxer/Lab/other mix:
The day he came home:

Such a great dog, took everything I did to him no problem (all issues with aggression came outside)

Hide and seek:

My boy:

More....

Darkmoon · 11-10-2009, 12:00 AM

Playing outside:

Loved his Pinecone/ice cream squeaky. He never let that thing out of his sight...

Silly boy

But so regal as RBark put it a long time ago...

More...

Darkmoon · 11-10-2009, 12:03 AM

The Perfect down...

No more photos! I'm trying to sleep!

"I Love You"

And a never before seen photo of my boy:

Just a few more...

Darkmoon · 11-10-2009, 12:08 AM

They say you remember the good and forget a lot of the bad, and boy is that true. I forgot how bad his redirected aggression was until I saw this photo tonight:

I always needed two leashes to walk him because it took so much to control him if someone came close or worse... a dog came around. And what you don't see there is my thick leather gloves to protect my hands from him. It reminds me why I had to do what I had to do... It also reminds me show cruel people can be. If he wasn't passed off to 4 different homes before he came to me... If the shelter didn't abuse him, didn't lie to me... If if if... I wish there was some way that no one else had to go through this pain that still is so fresh in me. I would do it.

Always in my mind he'll be this dog though:

I love you bud. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more...

FilleBelle · 11-10-2009, 12:15 AM

DM, I was missing Carter myself, looking through his pictures over on the DF memorial video thread.

I know you know you did all you could. I also know, from caring for my deeply screwed up Clifford, that knowing you did all you could doesn't really make you feel better when, ultimately, you couldn't fix the problem.

He was so beautiful and you were so good for him. Good boy, Carter.

MissMutt · 11-10-2009, 12:31 AM

Carter really tugs at my heart. I feel so many different emotions when I read your posts about him.. frustration over the fact that people made him this way, relief that he got to live the last parts of his life with a caring person like you, joy when I see that he had fun with toys and dressing up, but, ultimately, sadness, that such a young dog was suffering so greatly and had to go on before us.

Behavior is so tough... you did the best that you could, that ANYONE could, and I'm sure Carter was/is thankful for that in his own doggy way.

chul3l3ies1126 · 11-10-2009, 01:33 AM

He was such a sweet looker... I always loved seeing his pics...
Nessa

Cracker · 11-10-2009, 07:42 AM

Darkmoon, I wasn't here on DF at the time, but I have read the SA threads etc about Carter. This thread also brings tears to my eyes.
He was beautiful and you gave him SO much in the time you had him. His life may have been short and may have been mostly hard and unfair...but YOU were there to offer him what he deserved, which is love, before he went to the bridge. You gave him a priceless gift, just as he gave you the same and I'm sure he watches over you.
Peace.

alphadoginthehouse · 11-10-2009, 07:45 AM

He was a beautiful handsome boy. I've heard you mention him but wasn't sure of all the issues. It's too bad that the people who made him this way couldn't be PTS as well. I know he was an awesome dog but to think how much more awesome he could have been without all the abuse, it makes me sad.

He's watching down on you, proud of what you have accomplished with the Nubster and waiting for the time his special mom will be with him again.

Just remember he is much happier now, without all the confusing thoughts going through his head that made him what he was...an awesome dog who had lots of love before he went over the bridge.

digits mama · 11-10-2009, 09:47 AM

I miss him. I am glad I got to know him. He was a special boy that I learned so much from. Thank you for sharing him with us.

Darkmoon · 11-10-2009, 12:26 PM

Thanks everyone. It's taken me this long to actually post a rememberence thread because it still hurts so bad even this long after everything happened. I was in deep tears as I posted this last night, just remembering so much about him. I don't have many photos left which saddens me even more. Somehow I'm missing 2 CD's of photos of him. I hope I can find them one day.

I know he lived a great life with me, and I still do not regret putting him down. He was a very tramatized dog, and putting him down was the best thing I did. Allowing him to finally have the peace that he desired. I just miss him dearly somedays. I LOVE my Nubby and wouldn't trade him for anything, but there was something about Carter that I just miss. It was just the way he showed how much he loved you. Nubs is all "HIIIIIIII!!!!!! MISS YOU MISS YOU MISS YOU!!!!" While Carter was "About time you showed up! Do you know how sick I was with worry? Do you know what I've gone through? You are to never leave again. I love you too much" It's pretty interesting thinking about how personality wise Carter and Nubs are.

Anyways, I felt it was time to remember him. He was so beautiful, I miss taking photos of him. I'm thankful for all that he taught me, and all that he gave

foxthegoldfish · 11-11-2009, 04:57 PM

R.I.P Carter

Thracian · 11-11-2009, 09:17 PM

What a beautiful dog. And what a moving tribute to him. It's so sad that people can do so much damage to a living being. I am glad he spent the last part of his life with you. I'm sure it was the best time for him in spite of his problems.

In memoriam, Carter. You are at peace.