A conversation that broke a relationship

Darkie · 10-21-2008, 09:37 PM

Hmmm...
Thanks for no help guys.
and yesh, all of your posts hurt my feelings.
blieve it or not.
-nods-

Dakota Spirit · 10-21-2008, 09:58 PM

Ok, I'm going to try and address this to the best of my ability. Please understand that I'm not meaning to be overly harsh nor hurt your feelings. I hope it doesn't come off as such.

First of all, this should hardly be a conversation that breaks up your father/daughter relationship. Teens and their parents have these kinds of conversations and arguments all the time. It's not something that needs to define or make or break and entire bond with someone.

Secondly, I think you are being rather unfair to your father. You yourself admit to holding all this stuff in for a number of years only to unload it in one breath during a car ride home. No one is going to respond well to that - you basically took a cheap shot. You can't suddenly hit someone with a bunch of facts you kept to yourself and then expect them to have a wonderful answer stocked up for you. HE wasn't being disrespectful at all...as a matter of fact the answer you gave in return was rather disrespectful. As was the attitude that you seemed to present your facts with.

Secondly, many of your complaints about school...well they are things you are going to have to learn to work with in life. Horses may be your passion, but school is not to place to act on that. School is where you learn skills for later life and education. Once you are out of high school THEN you can look into more specialized education (possibly something horse related) but you need to understand that life is always going to have aspects you aren't happy with. You're never going to be in a situation where it's going to be about your interests 24/7. Think of it this way though, all the work you put in now is what's going to give you the abilities you need LATER in order to act on your passions. Horses cost a lot of money - school now is preparing you for the job you'll need later to support that interest.

Now, I would expect a father to step up and say something within these two weeks because parents have to learn to deal with teen blow ups too. I would have also expected you to say something though. This was a small fight, someone needs to be the bigger person and realize that.

That being said, I understand how tough it is being a teen. I absolutely DESPISED high school. Really, some of my hardest years were during that time. You just need to hang tough and find things that DO make you happy. Find things that DO interest you - I did so by volunteering with my local Humane Society. Maybe try and find something horse related that you can do. There are a ton of clubs out there too that cater to all kinds of interests. I always here people telling me that there isn't anything out there they are interested in, but I know there is. You've just got to get motivated, get out there, and do it. I guarantee you'll be happier when you do.

Bottom line, start taking steps now to make yourself happier and don't let a little thing like this 'break a relationship'. There are much more important things in life that you will want your father there for.

Shaina · 10-21-2008, 10:41 PM

Welcome to DogForums...

Mudra · 10-21-2008, 10:44 PM

WELCOME TO DOGFORUMS, too..

Dakota Spirit · 10-21-2008, 10:56 PM

Lol, I should have said that first. Welcome to Dogforums!

BarclaysMom · 10-21-2008, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darkie

Not a single word from me to him.
Not a single word from him to me.

Guess which one of those things YOU can change...

Go for it, girl! Time's wasting!

Welcome to dog forums!

Cheetah · 10-22-2008, 12:40 AM

There are many normal things you are learning/will learn in school that you will apply to your horse career later in life. Biology (this includes basic animal behavior, horse evolution etc), anatomy (knowing your horse's body inside and out which comes in handy for medical/first aid purposes, or maybe being a vet or vet tech), chemistry (comes in handy to know which meds you should NOT give to your horse at the same time), math (proper budgeting to support your horse or a horse rescue, measurements for dosing medicine to your horse/other peoples' horses), english (proper grammar usage and enunciation, and vocabulary etc. for interacting with other horse owners, helping to advertise a horse rescue, or maybe writing books/articles on horses).

All of these things continue through college, where you will be able to also study honest-to-god animal behavior, zoology, hippology (the study of horses), veterinary medicine, or maybe you'd like to be a tech.

If you quit school and give up, your chances of getting to work with horses as a career later in life go down majorly.

jbray01 · 10-22-2008, 08:47 AM

i don't think you should let something like that break your relationship with your father. being a teenage is really hard, i dont think anyone can honestly say its easy, but your parents are the ones that will always be there for you and always love you. you have to remember that while they are older and know more, they are human and are not perfect. your father may not know how to approach you.
i would suggest calmly sitting down with him and talking things out on a rational level without getting upset, angry or defensive.
it isn't worth throwing away your entire relationship over something like this.

and like everyone said, high school/ middle school is for teaching you the basics essentially, you can get a more specific education once you graduate, but if you dont graduate, you will most likely not be able to pursue the career you desire.

maybe you could try spending some time on the weekends learning about what you love. if you love horses, maybe volunteer or get a job somewhere you can work with them and learn about them. maybe then too, you could meet more people with similar interests and make better friends that way.

...welcome to df...

Stitch · 10-22-2008, 11:25 AM

I'll start with saying welcome!

I'm guessing you're in high school, and I'm sure everyone on the forums can tell a story (or 50 lol) about the hardships of high school. I can be evil at times, but believe me when I say (and pardon the cliche) it's a necessary evil. If you choose to look at it that way. I'm going to have to side with some of the other members when I say that high school is the foundation to the pyramid of success. Please don't give up on it, because you'll then give up on yourself and any kind of future involving horses. Since you represent the future let me say wholeheartedly that we need you, more importantly your father needs you just like you need him... Mend the bridge... Period. Because what you do (or don't do in this case) will effect others around you believe me.

Now on to teachers not being allowed to tell you what to do... Well, you're wrong. A classroom is NOT a democracy. The only thing the teachers can't do is touch you, or say things that can be deemed inappropriate. Trust me when I say that life is filled with ppl you won't see eye to eye with. It's best to form a thick skin now and prepare for what will come. My sig is something I've lived by for many years now, "Life is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy to those who think".

As far as friends go, maybe you should look for a small group to hang with if you can't relate to your current "friends". You can lurk just as easily in life, as you can on a forum. Get a feel for those around you without saying a word. That should give you a better idea as to where (and who) you'll fit in with. Moreover, having been a member here for a while I can say that there are some GREAT ppl here on the forum. They may not always tell you what you wanna hear, but that's one of the many things that makes them GREAT!

You'll work this out I'm sure. It's all a matter of how you choose to work it out.

Mudra · 10-22-2008, 01:56 PM

Welcome again to dogforums.. :d

jbray01 · 10-22-2008, 02:33 PM

i am sorry that you did not find the posts helpful, but i think you were given some very good advice. i dont think anyone will tell you that it is a good thing to not speak to a family member, especially a parent.

perhaps you should seek the advice of a school guidance counselor, or a family therapist instead of going on a dog forum. i am actually curious as to why you came to a dog forum to post this. according to your profile, you don't even realy like dogs...