Let's talk weddings....

4dogs3cats

So I am getting married on October 10, 2009. Me and SO are very excited. My brother and his gf got engaged in Feb, and they are planning on just going to city hall, and taking money from her parents towards a house.

What's your thoughts? Not on who is right or wrong, to each his own IMO. I think what they are doing is great for them. But just not for us. Everyone tells us when we received the offer from MY parents for 10 grand or a wedding, we were crazy for choosing wedding. But.... I WANT the big day. I would rather save up the money for my downpayment for a house, or if we are lucky, get a lot from the wedding, (not being greedy just realistic, we wont get presents, we have lived together 2 years and dont need anything.)

My wedding is going to have 100 people. I have already picked the dress. I am having calla lillies as my bouquet. Already picked the cake- Champaigne Raspberry. Have my bridesmaids and groomsmen. The place is booked. I really just can't wait. And now that it is getting closer, I can actually start planning the little things.


So let me ask you? For those of you that didn't have a traditional wedding, did you regret it?

For those of you that did, do you regret it?

What are your thoughts?

Oh and here is the dress. me in it too.

emily445455

CONGRATS!!! That is a beautiful dress!!!

I do not regret having a wedding at all, it was one of the happiest days of my life!!

FriendsOfZoe

Wow Jenn, that's a beautiful dress. I am one of the people who told you that you were crazy though, lol. Seeing you in the dress and thinking about it, I do sometimes have a pang of wishing I could have a big wedding. I don't do religion though, so there wouldn't be a church, and renting a hall or something just seems..I don't know...it's just not how I pictured a big wedding. You kind of have to come out of a church for a traditional wedding, and when you knock out the church, the whole thing goes under, in my opinion.

Matt and I are not officially engaged (yet), but we are basically married. We both kind of feel the same about weddings and neither of us really wants to be the center of attention and all that. We are going to go to city hall and take the money for the house...our families know this and are preparing to give us the money next spring. We will probably get a marriage license before we apply for a mortgage, just because that helps younger couples especially seem more secure and all...which is sort of dumb in my opinion, as we have been together for almost five years, living together for officially one but basically four (I had a single for most of college and while Matt had his own room to hang out in, he slept, studied, and spent most of his time in mine). But I do want the financial, insurance, and tax benefits as well as the visitation rights, etc. that come with marriage.

I am currently rectifying my decision by thinking that once we are settled in our house we will throw a nice big party at the house for everyone we would have invited to a wedding...and no gifts, but just asking people to bring stuff (food, drinks) to help offset the cost.

I have never wanted wedding gifts and have always said that if I did have a wedding, I would register with a couple of charities and ask that any gifts be charitable donations...

But I respect your decision and am even a teeny bit jealous of you...for my purposes though, I just can't justify the big wedding and really wouldn't want all that fuss anyway.

I definitely want to see lots of pics of your big day though!!

MarleysGirl

Great dress!

borzoimom

Wonderful dress and CONGRATULATIONS!

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4dogs3cats

Well and thats the thing. I have nothing against what you or my brother are doing. I think if it's what you WANT to do than fine, thats great! But I see too many people saying, "Well- we cant really afford a downpayment, so we're gonna take the money from our parents." But really wanting the wedding. I could EASILY take the money and get a house, but I would regret it. If you're doing it for other reasons, it makes sense. A big wedding is not for everyone, but it is for us, and if we don't do it, we wont be happy. I guess it just goes to show that not EVERYONE will be happy with the same thing lol

Thanks guys! I cant wait for the wedding! Its still so far away though!

Shaina

I did the big traditional wedding. I didn't really want to...I would've been happy with a small wedding a just a very few close friends, but I ended up with 350 people and one huge event. I did it for my family, to be honest, but now I'm kinda glad I did. Though that was still too big, lol.

Pretty dress though...I should dig up the pictures I have electronically, somewhere...

To be clear, it was still a country wedding and, did cost as much at those numbers make it sound. If my family and their friends didn't drink like fiends, it would likely have been under $10K...as is it may still have been under that...I never saw the final bill. We were offered $2K to elope, then simultaneously told it would break our grandmother's hearts So we basically used our wedding as one last thing we for the family despite our wishes. The end and the beginning, so to speak.

And for my area, that's not a big wedding.

Shalva

my husband I went to antigua and got married on the beach..... it was perfect and it was about us.....

I personally will occasionally watch those wedding shows and the amount of money people spend and I think they are nuts....
I would have gone for the house instead of a 10K part that will last a few hours....

but thats just me
to each their own....
s

MegaMuttMom

We had a very simple and smallish (90 people) wedding in Vermont in October. It was a really beautiful day and we had friends come from all over the country. Our friends often ask us to get married again so we can have another party. (It was a whole weekend affair, including touch football and black bean soup) My dad was exstatic at how little it cost. Just remember that the bells and whistles aren't the most important things. You already have a beautiful dress. Now, enjoy the rest of the details but, if any of it stresses you out, just remember, this is not what's important, me and Erik are what's important. I think if you want a wedding, have one, just don't forget to enjoy it. Congratulations.

4dogs3cats

Thanks guys. I just have been dreaming of my wedding all my life, and I know I will regret it if I dont have one. Plus mostl likely what my parents would have given us for a house, we will earn in wedding money. I am not selfish I am just going by the facts here. The wedding will cost around 10K. The food, hall, tables, chairs, linens, ceremony, all total to $7,200.00 It's at a hotel so all our NY guests can stay at a discount. We are going to turn it into a whole weekend thing too. We are all staying at the hotel the whole weekend, and then off to our honeymoon on Monday or Tuesday. (Monday is columbus day, we planned accordingly.) IDk my parents are very much so into the wedding, and it is also an excuse to get everyone from Ny and Az together. Some people have never even been here before from NY. They say they wont miss it for the world.

MegaMuttMom

From what I know of you from this forum, I think you are doing the only thing that could be right for you. Your family will enjoy having an excuse to get together and being together in the hotel gives them time to really catch up. You picked a great date, DH and I got married Columbus day weekend in 1985. Every anniversary is a three day weekend

4dogs3cats

haha exactly. Im not saying anyone is wrong for not doing the big wedding. I think as long as everyone does what they WANT to do- then it's fine.

emily445455

Don't let anyone talk you into doing things you dont want to do...it is YOUR day, YOU should have it exactly how you want

AppyGirl

I just got married last September so speaking from recent experience the number one thing is to do what you want to do. However, that being said make sure you pick your battles it's really not worth it to have a huge family blow out over something relatively small.

I actually wanted to go away and get married on the beach somewhere (just me and hubby) then come back and have a party because I had no interest or patience to spend a year planning one night but my mother in law wouldn't have any of it. Of course guess who ended up doing everything with virtually no help from MIL or my fiance for that matter (me). Sorry, I'm still a little bitter.

Anyways, the actual wedding was fantastic and everyone had a blast (excuse me while I pat myself on the back) but I still don't think the stress and hassle of planning was worth it for me. If you've always dreamed of your own wedding though I say go for it but try not to build it up too much. A couple of my friends had so many expectations for their wedding day it was impossible to live up to them and they were so stressed they weren't able to enjoy any of it.

Well I think I've prattled on long enough Congratulations! Your dress is gorgeous and I'm sure you'll have the wedding of your dreams.

Danielle

jesirose

My husband and I got married at a B&B in my hometown, with only our family and best friends. (The person who introduced us, and my bridesmaid who was my best friend in high school).

I had my dress custom made for $400. My husband bought a suit which he could use again (and he does, often) for $700. The B&B was owned by friends of the family who gave us a good deal. We got to stay in a cottage adjacent to it and other family stayed in it.
My uncle-in-law took the photos (He took awesome ones which most of them are not online, the ones I am going to post are not as good but ok). A friend of my mom did the flowers. My dad had a client of his do the catering and wine.

My mom kept asking me to pick things, then trying to argue with me. I just wanted to wear my dress and get married *grin* I wanted burgers for our meal. (She got very upset at this but seriously - MY WEDDING.) I choose cheesecake for my cake and got to have 3 kinds.

My grandmother and great uncle performed the ceremony. She married my mom and dad, and he married my grandparents and several other family members.

It was one of the best days ever. The people who run the B&B said it was the best wedding they'd had, because it was about US. Not about the wedding.

That is what we wanted. I don't see the point in wasting money on a party when you can have just as much fun for less money. The house we use every day. My wedding dress, flowers and the wedding cake....not so much.*wink*

Here is the location:


The bridesmaid and her date: (My baby brother)


My dad walking me down the "aisle":


The rings:

volleyballgk

Congratulations!!! The dress is beautiful and you look gorgeous in it. I especially love the back. It looks so elegant. As said above "to each his own" . Jeff and I just got engaged this past March after 7 years and are planning a March 2009 wedding. Sounds like we have similar plans to you and your SO. We are going to do a weekend thing in the Monterrey area for close family and a few friends. Less than a 100 people total. I'm like you. I've dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl. But I also heed the advice to not build everything up so much that I forget about what our wedding day is really about. For us, we want the wedding as a great excuse to get all of our family together to party and hang out with each other. We are even inviting our family to go on our honeymoon with us, which we think will be a 10 day cruise to mexico. People think we're strange for that, but I mean come on we've been dating 7 years and living together for 3 so it's not like we need time to get to know each other. I don't have a picture of me in my dress yet because we haven't ordered it, but here is what it will look like...

Congratulations and I wish you and your SO a ton of health and happiness!

Annamarie

my SO and I plan to get married but things keep coming up, mainly money-related, and now pregnancy. I refuse to walk down the aisle in a maternity wedding dress and endure years of teasing about a shotgun wedding when we had already planned to tie the knot. but I'm OT..

when we do finally get married I want to go somewhere tropical and be married on the beach barefoot with just our parents and siblings. not only is it cheaper than throwing a huge wedding (and it would be huge with my SO's relatives and friends... my side would be quite small because I only have one friend and we're not really close anymore since I moved) but I would have a problem paying huge amounts of money to feed and seat a lot of people I don't even know or like (extended family on my side... lots of drama).

I'm also not the type of woman who likes to stress about minor details and I hate all the froofy wedding type stuff. centerpieces, little thule candy bags, bows and doves and flowers... GAG!!

Nope, for me, all I'm going to need is my wedding dress, my family, my SO, and a tan

salask

I don't regret not having a big weeding. My sister and brother had the traditional weeding - reception hall, 200+ guest, the works! I on the other hand wanted something small, family only. We had a non-denominational ceremony at 4 p.m. I bought rolls of film and gave them to 1 of my friends who was responsible for taking the pictures during and after the ceremony. After the ceremony and the pictures, we headed out to my aunts house in a limo – the limo was a gift.
At my aunts house we had 7 round tables decorated beautifully with 10 chairs each. We had the dinner catered and at 10 p.m. I said good-bye to my family and took off to the airport. I really enjoyed my wedding day, nice and simple - wouldn’t change a thing!

Congratulations on making the big step. Just keep in mind THIS IS YOUR DAY not anyone else’s. You do what you think is right and don’t stress about how the guest are doing. IT’S YOUR DAY!! ENJOY IT WHILE IT LAST!!

dane&cockermom

my parents and his parents split the cost of the wedding pretty much straight down the middle. and it was perfect. it wasn't very big, but it was great. we didn't have much money, and we wanted to get married before he left for boot camp. so we got married 2 months before he left for boot. that was hard, but we did it.

this is hubbies favorite pic from the wedding


and a bonus--when we were 13. lol


congrats on your big day!!! how exciting!!

briteday

No matter what you choose remember it is your day and everything should be just as YOU want it. If your parents can't agree to that (nto saying they won't) then pay for certain things yourself. It is most important that the day is your day.

That being said, we eloped and had a reception a week later.

Another savings was my engagement ring. Since my grandmother had intended for me to someday have her engagement ring as she had already been given an anniversary band which she prefered to wear (I'm the only grand daughter) she gave it to my SO to give to me for our engagement. At our 10 year anniversary my husband gave me the ring I would have chosen, a beautiful sapphire, as we were married in September. Now a sapphire also happens to be our only child's ( a daughter) birthstone and I will be thrilled to give it to her some day, along with grandma's beautiful diamond and emeralds.

However, at the reception we only had about 40 guests... just hors d’oeuvres, champagne, and cake. We had it at the pool house of the apartment complex where we were living and had been managing. The pool was surrounded by pots of flowers and the pool house had a nice fire in the fireplace going as the evening wore on. We did splurge on a professional photographer and have some wonderful family photos. We splurged on a great photographer because we wanted memories, in addition to the few wonderful hours spent with friends and family...many who are now gone.

Because the reception was on a different day than the ceremony I really enjoyed myself. Many of my friends who had traditional weddings now claim they don't remember a thing from the reception, adrenaline rush I presume!

My mom bought the dress (and we just happened to get lucky earlier in the year when we happened upon a post-prom white dress) and my SO and I paid for the reception. Six weeks later we bought our first house.

I've never had any regrets.

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