[JuneBug]

Hello all!

I am brand new to this forum. I have read through the threads and think that there are a lot of people with great advice and ideas here. I'd like to pick your brains, if you would indulge me.

My significant other and I each have a dog. We do not live together, but we spend a lot of time together with our dogs. If our relationship continues, I forsee us spending even more time together with our dogs.

We have conflicting views on dog/owner behavior and training. In brief, I have a little background in dog/owner training, believe in the value of dog/owner training, can identify dog/owner behavior issues among our foursome, and have a strong desire to address our issues. My SO has no dog/owner training experience, doesn't see value in dog/owner training with reference to him or his dog (Though he has spoken about its value with my dog and I.), and doesn't see (Or care about? I'm not sure.) issues in either him or his dog (Though he has identified some of my dog's issues.). Because of our differences in opinion, the dogs are being treated inconsisently between the two of us and from situation-to-situation. Resultingly, I believe our foursome isn't completely stable.

A couple examples of the dog/owner behavior and training issues that I see:
1) My dog becomes anxious during thunderstorms and other bad weather.
2) I have previously (And unintentionally, before I began acquiring knowledge about dog/owner behavior and training.) encouraged aggressive behavior in my dog when she is on a leash, and she still occasionally exhibits this type of behavior.
3) My SO's dog often approaches people for attention.
4) My SO doesn't (Refuses? Doesn't believe in? I'm not quite sure.) walk his dog on a leash, but he also doesn't have complete voice control over his dog.

How do I encourage the uninitiated to gather information and get educated about dog/owner behavior and training? How does one constructively approach someone who doesn't believe that they or their dog have behavior and training issues (Or perhaps knows they have issues but doesn't really care about them.)? How do two people with differing opinions on dog/owner behavior and training create a stable human-dog pack? Where is a healthy compromise among our variable opinions?

Any thoughts, opinions, experiences, reactions, and advice are MOST APPRECIATED!

[WIBoxerMom]

Hi Junebug, you are in a bit of a pickle. I can only respond based on my personal experience. It is much easier training a dog than an SO. I acquired a puppy while living with my BF (now ex BF) and was excited to have this new adventure to share with him. WRONG. I read the books and took the classes. The BF went along on two puppy classes and that's it. I'd share with the BF what I was learning and it went in one ear and out the other. I was concerned that our different approaches was hindering my success in training obedience. It was very frustrating. One dog trainer told me not to be concerned if the BF allows poor behavior. The dog will learn to obey me and that is what counts (interested in other people's opinion on this). So, I stopped making it a concern. After three years, just before I moved out, the BF still would give a command and not enforce it. Heck, he was still giving the wrong word commands. Anyway, I think to be happy in the relationship, you'll have to accept that the SO doesn't share your training values and let it be. Best of luck to you all.

[Alpha]

My significant other had no desire either when we got together.

Now don't get me wrong, he loves dogs, but he had no desire to train or work with dogs. Still doesn't, LOL (it's my job) but he understands the value of working with dogs, he stopped doing some things that were causing unwanted behaviours etc.

I guess how I got him interested, or at least to have an idea about why it was important, was by showing him tricks, or pointing out problems in our dogs.

Showing tricks was probably the most effective LMAO! Some fancy tricks can convince anyone your right! ROFL

As for walks, my bf and I go on walks at least every other day together with the dogs. It's more of a relaxing actual event, than just walking the dogs. It's time out in the woods alone, and most of the time we end up having a good laugh over our dogs antics.

I think the most effective way is to SHOW him. SHOW him what can be accomplished with some time and effort. SHOW him how well his dog can walk with a little work, how much fun it can be. How proud you can be of your dog.

When your spending some time with the dogs, take his dog aside and teach him a new trick. Then show your SO.

Good luck

[Ginny01OT]

Join an obedience group class together--al four of you.

[Captbob]

Originally Posted by Ginny01OT

Join an obedience group class together--al four of you.

That would be my suggestion to. If you can't resolve this after a class, I would imagine that there will be other issues in your life in the future where you will find that you don't agree either.

[Curbside Prophet]

Originally Posted by Captbob

I would imagine that there will be other issues in your life in the future where you will find that you don't agree either.

On this note, maybe a communication class, and a dog training class?

[JuneBug]

Hah, point jovially taken, all. I, too, see this issue (and its eventual resolution, or not) as a representation of our ability to communicate effectively. We'll see!

Going to an obedience class together, all 4 of us, would be great. It would be logistically challenging as we live in a remote place, but something that we could make happen if we were all on the bandwagon.

One member of the bandwagon hasn't gotten on yet, though. Alpha, I appreciated your post as I've tried teaching my SO's dog 2 new things. My SO wasn't that excited about it. Then again, I didn't teach the dog something wild and flashy and crazy, just a few basic obedience commands the dog didn't know. I think I could use some more ideas from dog training experts like you about how people learn to see value in dog/owner training.

Also, can a group like us come to be mostly well-behaved if their owners have 2 different approaches? (The dogs don't do dangerous things, just annoying stuff. I do wonder, though, if annoying habits now might become dangerous habits later.)

And something I forgot to mention in my original post. My SO's dog is a rescue dog (As is mine, but that's beside the point.) that's a bit disabled (It's 3-legged!). I don't know for sure, but I get the feeling that my SO doesn't want to dog/owner train (or even do things like walking the dog on a leash) because it will keep the dog from being free and wild and spirited. How do you experts approach that idea?

Thanks again!

[Curbside Prophet]

Who ever controls the dog's resources will be most in favor with the dogs. The question is do you really care what the dogs do when you're not around and with your SO? IMO, if you control the dog's resources when you're around, it's not a big issue. However, it would be nice if your SO could make a simple compromise. Maybe something like this...SO, (my gf would probably slap me if I called her SO, lol) I appreciate the trust you have in your dogs and I want the same in mine. At the same time, Id like to incorporate NILIF into our dog's lives. How do you feel about NILIF? What's NILIF?, he might say. Then maybe feed him a handout on NILIF, and emphasis the last point about how you can give your dog as much love as you want.

Just a suggestion, and there's a sticky at the top of the dog training forum on NILIF.