Dogs and Relationships

Whitney · 03-24-2007, 12:16 PM

Hi guys,

I wasn't sure where to post this thread, so if any of the admin feel that it's in the wrong forums, my apologies.

I recently posted that I am looking for a new home for one of my dogs, and that another of my three will be staying with my parents. This makes me unhappy -- I love all three of my dogs. Unfortunately, my boyfriend feels as if I put the dogs before him. I really don't see it. Does anyone else have this problem with their spouse?

My boyfriend is unfair (or at least I feel that he is unfair) to one of my dogs, the one that I raised as a puppy. He will let the other dogs inside, and leave her outside (and she wants inside), or he will give the other dogs treats, and not Melody. He doesn't allow her to come into the office with us, and usually closes the door so that she can not even see us. I feel as if it is unfair, because she seems mopey lately.

I have changed a few things, such as where the dogs are sleeping. Kaisha and Pride are in the laundry room, and Melody is upstairs by herself. None of the dogs seem to mind. We changed this because my dogs panting was keeping my boyfriend awake at night and he was tired all day at work. Yesterday, I asked my boyfriend not to be so rough when pushing Melody out of the way (she's a big dog, and she's stubborn as ever). He calls her "retard" and "fat f***". She's not fat, either. I asked if he could just guide her out of the way instead of shoving her. This escalated into a big argument of how I value the dogs more than him.

We want to move to Australia, and it's going to cost a lot of money. This is why I offered to find Kaisha a new home, and to leave Melody with my parents. My mother knows that Melody means the world to me, and we had a talk. My family really loves animals just as much as I do, so I took it to heart. I can't leave my baby behind... but I need to make some changes.

I don't know where to start, on how I can make my boyfriend see that I love him, and value him, and that despite my passion for animals and dogs, that he comes first. Then, I need him to respect Melody a little more. I will be honest, I spoil my dogs. They get left over food in there kibble sometimes (granted there are no bad ingredients), and I have been known to buy them fresh meat. Am I going over board? He thinks that I am.

Where to start?

-- Whitney

peace36 · 03-24-2007, 12:24 PM

When he will not let Melody in the house along with the others have you asked him why? What is his reason for his poor unfair attitude towards this one dog?

Get a answer from him so you can know where to begin to fix the problem.

Get his opinion on what changes he thinks you should make. I spoil my doggies too I am married and some times my husband gets irritated but not to the point where he acts resentful towards the dogs.

sillylilykitty · 03-24-2007, 12:26 PM

Ummm.....Im sorry but my advise is to dump your boyfriend! Anyone who can not except that your pets are apart of your family shouldnt be apart of your life. If you really cared for your pets you wouldnt give them up! I mean for someone to call a dog bad names a push it around is unexcusable! Your boyfriend has some serious problems. If someone were to act like that toward my cat!! They would be in some serious trouble and unless they were going to change their ways then I wouldnt want to see them again!

Shalva · 03-24-2007, 12:30 PM

why would you want to have a boyfriend that is so mean to a dog..... an defenseless dog and doesn't share the same loves that you do....???? I don't have this problem.... we have five dogs.... we both love the dogs.... my husband is actually a bit more active wtih them than I am..... we also have two cats and a cockatoo......

If your boyfriend is feeling so insecure about your feelings towards him compared to dogs... then what is going to happen when you move out of the country away from your support system.... I agree wtih the others..... get rid of the boyfriend and find someone who shares the same loves as you do and doesn't ask you to choose between him and your dogs.....

s

RonE · 03-24-2007, 01:18 PM

I met my wife on a blind date. (It's the only blind date I ever had that turned out well.) We were engaged three months after our first date and married six months after that.

When we were still in the planning stages, I discovered she was married before. I was okay with that. I found out she didn't want children, and I was okay with that. (We both changed our minds about that.) When I discovered she was severely allergic to dogs, that was very nearly the end of our brief courtship.

She always liked dogs but, if she spent any time with one, she'd end up in the hospital. Fortunately, she either outgrew it or all those allergy shots actually worked. After seventeen dogless years together, we got dogs - big dogs that shed and track mud all over the house and get fur in unimaginable places. We couldn't be happier.

My point is, while I could resign myself living a dogless life with someone I love who, because of health issues, could not have a dog, I could NEVER live with someone who doesn't like dogs or could ever be unkind to one.

There is an annoying little book of daily tips that has at least one that makes sense: "Choose you life's mate very carefully. That decision will be responsible for 90% of your happiness or misery for the rest of your life."

That was actually yesterday's tip.

Darkmoon · 03-24-2007, 03:58 PM

Honestly, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a nice LONG talk with him. Ask him why he's acting the way he is, why he hates melody and so forth. if he doesn't give you the answers your looking for, you need to find a new boyfriend. If he's acting like this, just think how he would act if you have kids.

Communication is the key to a good relationship, and your relationship sounds like it lacks quite a bit of it. Talk it out with him. If he loves you he'll either understand or you'll be able to compromise with him on everything. If he doesn't, best you know now then after your married.

LeRoymydog · 03-24-2007, 04:39 PM

Hmmmm... good question.

My husband likes animals, but doesn't love them like I do. He thinks I spoil them way too much. But, he would never call them names or push/shove them.

Seriously, I'm afraid of your welfare, esp. if you move far away from your loved ones. Something needs to be said to him about how he treats animals. What happens if you guys have 2 or 3 kids and one doesn't act "right" or "look right" in his eyes. Is he going to neglect the child as well? Or is he gonna "like" one child over the other child? Something doesn't seem right here.

Alpha · 03-24-2007, 05:27 PM

I would never be with someone that made me compromise my life loves. My horse or my dogs. (Actually we got Hades together, Roxy is the step-daughter!) ROFL.

And he sucks her up more than I do!! So much for the evil-step daughter thing! LMAO

It's of course your personal choice, but what if six months down the road you guys break up, where are the dogs then? What about those choices you made back then to get rid of them?

I'm pretty sure you'd be kicking yourself in the arse, but it's all up to you.

In my life, it would never happen.

My partner will love animals just as much as I do, and he does

tirluc · 03-24-2007, 06:17 PM

ummm, let's see....BF treats your dogs like skat and you are getting rid of the dogs....i think it's time for the BF to take a hike and find someone better....recently my husband was giving me crap about caring for my dogs more then him and after being told this so many times i finally told him fine, if i'm going to be accused of it than that's the way it'll be and that from then on if he needed anything and i had plans for the dogs he'd have to wait his turn...shut him up right quick (he's on meds for many phys. and some men. disabilities).....

Chloef_2799 · 03-24-2007, 08:39 PM

well you will probably think me rude and blunt but get rid of him. Honestly, he knows you love the dogs yet he still treats them like crap and is making you get rid of them? Thats not love thats jealousy and control. And if you are moving to another country and will have only him he will be in his prime and then whos going to stop him from controlling you even more and maybe even becomming abusive?
I find this issue very close to home, I have lost 2 family members and one close friend to abusive boyfriends and husbands. They were murdered and most of these "wonderful fulfilling loving relationships" started out when the guy didn't like the current pets. One of my now deceased cousins cats was found half eaten in the back yard next to her boyfriends dog. And when his dog attacked her as she went to get the cats body away from the dog to bury it and mourn it her boyfriend did nothing to stop the dog and told her it served her right that she should have gotten rid of the cat when he told her to. About three days later the dog attacked her again and her dad ended up comming over to the house and killing the dog before taking her to the hospital. She was found about two days later on her living room couch with a bullet in her head and her "loving" boyfriend was about three counties away partying it up with his buddies.
Sit down with your parents and friends and tell them what he is doing and let them knwo you will be talking to him about it in case he flies off the handle and something bad happens so they will know what happened as well as you will and then sit down with him and find out why he being such an insecure idiot and why he feels the need to treat you and your family members like dirt.

ratdog · 03-24-2007, 08:54 PM

Hey I'm sorry to hear about your situation, i just signed up today for similar reasons. My husband and dog don't get along, and it's very stressfull. And he always asks me if i love the dog moren than him, which he knows isn't true, but I don't think that you should leave someone just because they don't like your dog they just need to figure out away to get along. It might take awhile, we've had our dog for 2 years and they still don't get along, my husband likes dogs or he did till this one came along, but just like people some personalaties just don't get along neither one is a bad person or dog

they just don't mix.

I've told my husband that we can't get rid of the dog our kids would be devastated he is so good with our kids and me, so talk it over try to figure out away. We still are and probably always will. good luck

sobreeze · 03-24-2007, 10:21 PM

I Have Been Married Almost 27 Years I Had My Horses And Dogs Before I Married Him. I Came With Forever Animals He Was Raised In The City Me Counrty. He Knew My Animals Came Before Him Just A Rule . They Get Fed Before Him They Get Cared For Then Him Just A Rule . He Never Gets In The Way Of Me Caring For My Animals .
He Drives A Truck To Make Aliving So We Can Care For All These Animals . He Gets Home About Ever 2 To 3 Months When Home He Helps Feed, Work On Fences , Repair Barns And Helps With Sick Animals . He Also Helps Every Year With The Sheep Show I Help Put On , Helps Me Show My Donkeys And Sheep And Care For My 10 Dogs .
When He Calls Home He Asks If The Dogs Are Ok And The Other Animals Are Fine. When Home He Has To Sleep In A Bed Full Of Dogs Because They Miss Him Too .
And He Has Cryed With Me When I Had To Put My Last Old Mare Down 2 Years Ago That I Got As A Kid She Was 33 Years Old Got Her When She Was 6 Months Old .
He Knew My Love For Animals From The Beging They Are Who I Am Why Would Someone That Claims To Love You Want You To Give Up The Things That You Love That Make You Who You Are.
When A Part Of Your Heart Gets Killed How Do You Bring It Back Think Hard And Long Before You Let This Person Thats Says He Cares For You Dectate Who You Are To Love .

cshellenberger · 03-24-2007, 10:31 PM

I could NEVER EVER be with a man that was cruel or unfair to animals or children. It sounds like this guy is very controlling nad maniplative. The dogs were there when he came into your life, he needs to accept them, treat them with repect or get out of your life.

sillylilykitty · 03-25-2007, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sobreeze

I Have Been Married Almost 27 Years I Had My Horses And Dogs Before I Married Him. I Came With Forever Animals He Was Raised In The City Me Counrty. He Knew My Animals Came Before Him Just A Rule . They Get Fed Before Him They Get Cared For Then Him Just A Rule . He Never Gets In The Way Of Me Caring For My Animals .
He Drives A Truck To Make Aliving So We Can Care For All These Animals . He Gets Home About Ever 2 To 3 Months When Home He Helps Feed, Work On Fences , Repair Barns And Helps With Sick Animals . He Also Helps Every Year With The Sheep Show I Help Put On , Helps Me Show My Donkeys And Sheep And Care For My 10 Dogs .
When He Calls Home He Asks If The Dogs Are Ok And The Other Animals Are Fine. When Home He Has To Sleep In A Bed Full Of Dogs Because They Miss Him Too .
And He Has Cryed With Me When I Had To Put My Last Old Mare Down 2 Years Ago That I Got As A Kid She Was 33 Years Old Got Her When She Was 6 Months Old .
He Knew My Love For Animals From The Beging They Are Who I Am Why Would Someone That Claims To Love You Want You To Give Up The Things That You Love That Make You Who You Are.
When A Part Of Your Heart Gets Killed How Do You Bring It Back Think Hard And Long Before You Let This Person Thats Says He Cares For You Dectate Who You Are To Love .

Thats really cool and I hope one day I will find a husband that understands just like that

HarleyQuinn · 03-25-2007, 05:00 AM

Find out why he is being like that towards your dog. I wouldn't be with someone who was like that but when it comes down to it would you rather keep your dog or keep your husband? Personally, I'd keep my dog.

peace36 · 03-25-2007, 05:36 PM

When I first read your post I somehow missed the part where he shoves and calls the dog names. That is totally ridiculous! He is letting a dog one that you love upset him to that point. Your guy has a problem and getting rid of your dog is not going to solve his problem

luvntzus · 03-25-2007, 06:15 PM

There are so many red flags in your post! He just sounds like a person that you DON'T want to move away with, leave behind your family and animals, etc. It's completely possible that you'll break up a few months or years down the road.... at that point I think you would probably look back and see all the warning signs that are easy to miss when you're in the situation/relationship and wish that you'd done things very differently.

Elijah · 03-25-2007, 07:52 PM

Quote:

I could NEVER EVER be with a man that was cruel or unfair to animals or children. It sounds like this guy is very controlling nad maniplative. The dogs were there when he came into your life, he needs to accept them, treat them with repect or get out of your life.

Amen-that goes for male or female. I was once married to someone for 18 years who didn't like ANY kind of animal-dog, cat, hamster, what have you. I'd never trust any woman(in my case) that didn't like "critters". IF I ever get into another relationship again, they will have to feel the same way I do or I walk. It's not worth the aftermath of "thinking" they'll change. If someone doesn't have compassion for animals, likely as not when you're down and out, sick, etc-they won't have much compassion for you as well...been there.

Another thing, as everyone knows, that man, woman, boyfriend or girlfriend can walk right out of your life anytime-with or without warning and with or without an excuse. That trusting loving dog will be right there and they won't care if you've shaved in two days or not, had a bath recently, changed your underwear this week or not. They still love you and look to you for everything. Cherish and love them and you'll be rewarded four fold and more.

Captbob · 03-25-2007, 07:59 PM

If I was in a relationship where it came to a decision whether the person, or my dog would stay, I would hope that the person had a nice life and I would wish them luck as I helped them out the door with their stuff......

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elijah

Amen-that goes for male or female. I was once married to someone for 18 years who didn't like ANY kind of animal-dog, cat, hamster, what have you. I'd never trust any woman(in my case) that didn't like "critters". IF I ever get into another relationship again, they will have to feel the same way I do or I walk. It's not worth the aftermath of "thinking" they'll change. If someone doesn't have compassion for animals, likely as not when you're down and out, sick, etc-they won't have much compassion for you as well...been there.

Another thing, as everyone knows, that man, woman, boyfriend or girlfriend can walk right out of your life anytime-with or without warning and with or without an excuse. That trusting loving dog will be right there and they won't care if you've shaved in two days or not, had a bath recently, changed your underwear this week or not. They still love you and look to you for everything. Cherish and love them and you'll be rewarded four fold and more.

Truer words were never spoken!!!!

Mdawn · 03-26-2007, 12:08 PM

My boyfriend and I have 2 dogs and 3 cats. He likes them all but he doesn't love animals the way I do. He doesn't really spend anytime with them, etc...

However, he KNOWS that I would choose any of my animals over him in a heart beat. I love him dearly, but when I chose to keep my pets I made a lifetime commitment to them. I will have them for the rest of their lives...period. They are not trash to be thrown away just because they are a little inconvenient to him. After all, how inconvenient can they really be to him? I take care of them , not him. My boyfriend knows that if he wants me in his life, its a package deal and he has to accept them (also any future pets) or I'm gone.

Purposely isolating one dog over the others is just cruel and immature. One reason he could pick on this one dog is that he feels that it's the one you love the most and he's trying to hurt you in a passive aggressive way. So I would consider this as not so much a attack against the dog, but you as well.

If you decide to stay with him, even if you don't move, maybe it would be best to give the dog to your parents to keep. This is because if your boyfriend is already this cruel to your dog, then it isn't such a far stretch to him physically hurting the dog. But I STRONGLY urge you to leave this guy.

If it were me, I'd take ALL of the dogs and leave. It would be a hard thing to do because I've been with my boyfriend for several years, but it's one that I would make and he knows it.