[Shalva]

I think this goes beyond not liking animals to be honest I think that it is controlling behavior on the part of the boyfriend ..... my concerns are that he is pressuring you to get rid of something that you love AND he wants or you want to move 5000 miles from your family and support system..... I would wonder whats next..... to me not only is the fact that he is mean to the dog a red flag.... but to me I have concerns about what he is going to want you to get rid of next..... maybe friends.... maybe not talking to parents.....

he sounds like a controlling person.... and that is a red flag in itself.
s

[Captbob]

Originally Posted by Mdawn

My boyfriend and I have 2 dogs and 3 cats. He likes them all but he doesn't love animals the way I do. He doesn't really spend anytime with them, etc...

However, he KNOWS that I would choose any of my animals over him in a heart beat. I love him dearly, but when I chose to keep my pets I made a lifetime commitment to them. I will have them for the rest of their lives...period. They are not trash to be thrown away just because they are a little inconvenient to him. After all, how inconvenient can they really be to him? I take care of them , not him. My boyfriend knows that if he wants me in his life, its a package deal and he has to accept them (also any future pets) or I'm gone.

Purposely isolating one dog over the others is just cruel and immature. One reason he could pick on this one dog is that he feels that it's the one you love the most and he's trying to hurt you in a passive aggressive way. So I would consider this as not so much a attack against the dog, but you as well.

If you decide to stay with him, even if you don't move, maybe it would be best to give the dog to your parents to keep. This is because if your boyfriend is already this cruel to your dog, then it isn't such a far stretch to him physically hurting the dog. But I STRONGLY urge you to leave this guy.

If it were me, I'd take ALL of the dogs and leave. It would be a hard thing to do because I've been with my boyfriend for several years, but it's one that I would make and he knows it.

I think a good judge of a person's character is how they view animals. I have known quite a few people that watch how someone they are dating gets along with her dogs, and if they don't, the person is quickly history....

[Nagem]

It sounds like he doesn't like the dogs because they compete for your attentions.. Does this guy want kids in the future? Because it makes me wonder if he would become one of those people who is jealous of their own children for the same reasons.
Regardless, he for sure needs to grow up. The way he is treating your one dog in particular is incredibly immature.

[murandmom]

I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes or anything, but I was a therapist for many years and I would really think about this relationship and your boyfriends real "issues" with the dogs. My first thought is that if you are not nice your partners dogs for no real reason, and you actually treat them disrespectfully, make things change, etc, "just because", then what's going to happen down the line with children, jobs, friends? It seems to be the start of a very controlling relationship, which normally ends with isolation and defensiveness. I obviously don't know either of you, but this really sends up red flags with me and I would really think long and hard about moving to a far away coutry, away from your family, and without your dogs in your life anymore--it really fits the picture of the start of a not so great relationship/lifestyle. Also, a lot of great men have a lot of jealously issues when kids are born due to demands on mom, and the natural closeness of the mother-child relationship. Maybe you're reading this thinking "but we don't want kids"--doesn't matter. He really did not consider your feelings about this, and the decision seems really one sided. Please talk to you parents, or a counselor, and please please please do not move far away from your support system at this time! Feel free to email me privately if you'd like--hang in there!

[Elijah]

This guy sounds like a master manipulator to me. A story that is very reminiscent of something I saw on Americas Most Wanted. Tread softly my dear, you don't want to be a statistic.

[Snowshoe]

Whitney-

Please be careful in giving your heart to someone who is abusive to animals. It has been said that the true measure of any society is how it treats those who cannot care for themselves.

The same is true for people.

Obviously, Melody does not understand that he is calling her names. He only does that for his benefit, to make himself feel powerful.

I would wonder how he would treat a two year old child, for example.

You should sit down with your mom and your family and all of your friends and get their HONEST opinions on him.

I know that my mom has always been right about the people I've associated myself with. Most moms are.

Please take care of youself and of Melody. Remember, just as she would defend you to her death if need be, you also need to be her champion.

[Meghan&Pedro]

My boyfriend is VERY allergic to cats. If he lives with cats, then he feels like he always has a cold, and his immune system gets pretty shotty.

As he brings home most of the bacon between us, we can't have him sick all the time missing work.

That is why my cats live with my parents on their property.

We rent a condo - and it's just too small for the cats to stay in without bothering his allergies ( plus they prefer to be indoor/outdoor, and we're on the fourth floor, so that wouldn't be an option for them here)

HE never asked me not to bring the cats. I made that choice for myself to help him out. And he has made a point of saying that when we get a bigger place where we can give the cats their own room with a catdoor ( so that they're not in the whole house, working up his allergies) we will get the cats again.

THAT is reasonable to me. MORE than reasonable.

Yes, I miss my cats, but I love my boyfriend, and wouldn't trade him for anything.

He's an animal lover - he not only allows me to have, but he even helps me pay for all of my crazy hords of animals (horse, dogs, guinea pigs, snakes, possum etc!!).

If he EVER abused any of my pets, or made ME feel bad for owning them - I wouldn't be with him.

My entire life rovolves around pets. Not only are they a passion of mine, but I live with them, AND my job revolves around pets.... it's too much for me to give up.

It's like one parter wanting to have kids and one not - it's a life-style choice, and it's a dealbreaker for me.

No matter how much I loved someone, I would not give up the rest of my life to be with them. ESPECIALLY if they were a jerk who caused them discomfort and hurt.

Meghan

[Shining Waters Goldens]

Dump him! The negative things you see in him now will manifest themselves in other ways for years to come.

[noworkallplay]

That's too bad your BF feels that way. All I can say is "love me, love my dog"!

[iwantmypup]

I think the same that sillylilykitty said on the first page...Dump him! ..You're pets will love you no matter what..and they want to be with you..and if he can't except that well who cares about him anyway? He doesn't like Melody and to me its like if he doesnt love one of my dogs that enough to dump him. I know you don't want to hear this but if you actually have to convince him you love your dogs..then he isn't the guy for you.

[onyxdaily]

Ditto what everyone else said. Get rid of him. To me, there is no one else lower on the totem pole than someone who would hurt a child or an animal.