[Reeveseye]

Hello all. This is a difficult first post to make, and I wish I was introducing myself to the forum under different circumstances. I need advice, and I’m hoping the past experiences of this forum’s membership can help my wife and I through a difficult time.

For the past six years, we’ve had two dogs: Shadow and Max. We have no kids of our own, so these dogs have always been very much our children. They were never apart. Shadow was a Lab/Border Collie mix, and Max is a Lab/Husky. Shadow was six months older, but he and Max were always together since the day we adopted Max.

As I’m sure you figured out from my use of the word “was”, Shadow is no longer with us. He became very ill this week with an immune condition that caused massive hemorrhaging throughout his nervous system. After fighting as hard as he and the doctors could for four days there was nothing left but the humane option, and we had to put him to sleep.

My wife and I are devastated, but we both know that the most important thing we can do right now is tend to the dog we still have. Max knows something is wrong, of course, in spite of our poor attempts to be cheerful and act happy around him. He keeps looking around for Shadow whenever he’s outside, and we can tell he misses him. This is where we need your help. What are the best things we can do for him right now? We’re very close with our next-door neighbors, who have two brown labs who are Shadow and Max’s best friends. Max is comforted being around them, but we can’t always leave him there when we’re gone. We also have no immediate plans to get another dog, at least not for a while. So here are some of our questions about how to help Max make the transition to being an “only dog.”

We always left Shadow and Max outside in the dog run when we were at work (otherwise, they were inside or outside with us at all times). We only left them in the house when it rained or was extremely hot outside. Now that Shadow is gone, how can we help him cope with being alone in the dog run when that eventually happens? My wife and I both work days, so he’ll have to be alone outside for 8-10 hours. Leaving him inside isn’t an option – it’s not fair to his bladder. Any ideas?

Any opinions about this situation or any other aspect of helping Max through this difficult transition would be greatly appreciated.

[opokki]

I don't have any suggestions but wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss.

[Risra]

Your dog clearly is in a mourning process but unfortunately i'm in the assumption we humans can't do really much to make this process easier for him than to carry on with what you have always been doing, treating your dog as your own child.

I'm feeling sorry for your loss too.

[Peterson Pocket Pups]

Originally Posted by Reeveseye

We always left Shadow and Max outside in the dog run when we were at work (otherwise, they were inside or outside with us at all times). We only left them in the house when it rained or was extremely hot outside. Now that Shadow is gone, how can we help him cope with being alone in the dog run when that eventually happens? My wife and I both work days, so he’ll have to be alone outside for 8-10 hours. Leaving him inside isn’t an option – it’s not fair to his bladder. Any ideas?

Any opinions about this situation or any other aspect of helping Max through this difficult transition would be greatly appreciated.

Reeveseye, I am so sorry about your loss. Max will go thru the morn period, some lasts for quite some time. It took a few days before my dogs knew one was not coming back. The howling was heartbreaking. Do you have items (toys) in the run? something to keep him somewhat occupied. Is it possible for someone to look in on him from time to time while you are away? Maybe take him on a short walk or just talk to him? Not on a long term basis but for the next few weeks? Maybe a neighbor? I know this isn't much assistance and I hope you find some really good advice. Again, please accept my condolences on your loss.

[sobreeze]

i to am sorry for your loss i know how you feel and your other dog will go through some grief of the loss of his friend i would think keep things as normal as you can maybe get him some items to keep him happy while in run like kongs with beanut butter stuffed in them you can freeze them overnite and it takes them longer to get the stuffing out also make sure he has some favorite things around him and maybe someone he knows to check on him while you are at work maybe give him treats and walk him if thats posible it might make his day better and give him lots of love when you get home

[Tess&Coco]

Sorry to hear about you sad loss. If Max prefers to be indoors when you and your wife are out, is there anyone you could ask to come in to let him out in the middle of the day? What about your neighbours with their two dogs? That way Max would have other doggy company as well. Or a dog-walker?

Hope things work out for you all.

[Reeveseye]

First, thanks to all of you for your kind words and sympathies. I know we'll have to muddle our way through this along with Max and just wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. But it's pretty dark in here right now.

As for the suggestions about toys, the only one we're thinking of trying is the stuffed kong. Shadow was the dog who obsessed about toys; Max only cares about them if he can steal them from another dog and use them to tease. He did like the kongs when we used to do them, though. We had to stop because he kept stealing them from Shadow.

We've been walking Max every day and making sure we pay lots of attention to him. A few minutes ago he peed on the spot where Shadow last lay before we took him to the hospital. I know he's doing it as a sort of "acting out" behavior, but we can't have him thinking it's OK to do that in the house even if he's upset. We scolded Max a bit, but even I had a hard time doing it.

Our next door neighbor will always be willing to stop by and check on Max. Our current dog run is on the other side of our house from our neighbor's yard, but we're even considering enclosing an area on the side next to the fence we share with them so Max can always visit. Our dogs and the neighbors' dogs were always so obsessed with each other that we cut windows in our fence in order to keep them from digging under it to get to each other. Our dogs are in the attached image's foreground, with Max on the left and our departed Shadow on the right. The neighbor dogs are peeking through their windows, with Dottie at left and Duke at right. This would be a lot harder if Max didn't have them. Even the normally hyper Duke and Dottie have been a little quieter lately when they visit us through the fence. Somehow dogs always know something's wrong.

[Curbside Prophet]

I'm so sorry to hear this news. Amazing creatures are dogs, aren't they? I'm not sure how much it will help, but I think anything you can do to give your dog a social dog life will help. At first I though visiting your local dog park more often would help, maybe a few visits to a doggie daycare would help. But how about a new activity? Like agility, or flyball. Something you guys can work on together and be excited about in dealing with the loss. It's just my thoughts...I hope all heals well. Good luck!

[sheltieluver]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved friend. I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my one sheltie at 15 years old in August 05and then the other at 15+ in January 2006. Believe me, I am still devastated and miss them every day.
When I lost my first one (Brandy), I knew that I had to pay more attention to my other one (Dakota). I also work full time and am gone 8-10 hours a day. I had a doggie door for them put in my house as well. Once Brandy was gone I took extra time to spend with Dakota. More walks, more trips to the park, more attention. It was hard as I was gone all day but eventually she was ok. It was extremely hard for all of us. All I can really say is to continue giving extra love, attention, walks, trips out, etc. and toys to keep her busy during the day.

[DogAdvocat]

First, please accept my sympathies for your loss. They sure leave a big hole in our hearts and our lives when they go.

What I've found helpful is to give your remaining dog lots to think about. New activities, new toys, lots of positive attention. Your dog is going to sense your sadness no matter what you do to hide it. They are remarkably adept at reading our emotions and body language. So I wouldn't worry about trying to hide it, just put your attention at keeping your dog active and well loved.

As for the housebreaking, I don't think your dog was "acting out" as much as he was doing a "doggy thing" that we may never understand. He may, for instance, have been trying to cover your old dog's scent in an effort to protect him in some way. If that were the case, disciplining him would only confuse him. In order to keep a clean house, just increase your vigilance, including roping him to you, if necessary, and stop him by distraction the split second he starts to lift his leg. You can even push down on his leg when he starts to lift it, which should stop the process.

As for when he's alone, just make him as comfortable as possible, leaving him things that you think might occupy him, and ask your neighbor to let you know if there are any problems.

I do believe that dogs grieve, some showing it more strongly than others. But if they do, then I don't think it makes any more sense to try to stop that process than it would be form me to tell you not to grieve. He has to work through his own feelings, but the more you do to occupy his time when you can be there, the better off he'll be. Don't be truly concerned unless he stops eating or starts trying to break out of your yard.