When does it get easier?

Ruby'sMum · 01-29-2008, 12:44 PM

Hi all

I have been struggling with the death of my 7 year old Australian Shepherd, Jade. He died on October 9 last year after a very short but aggressive battle with cancer. I am just wanting to know how people who have been in the same situation cope with something like this. I am finding it very tough and still cry when I think about him (several times a day). It's not all bad, I have a wonderful husband and friends who totally understand what Jade meant to me.

I got Jade as a 7 week old puppy in Australia in 2000. I moved to the US in 04 and brought him, my cat and my other Aussie, Ruby, with me when I came here. So as you can see, there is alot of history there. He was never just a dog to me, as I am sure every single person on this forum understands. The bond was very deep, added to that fact that he was one of the few things that was always there no matter how much my life changed. He never had a bad day in his life and was never ever sick.

Part of it for me is surely that another bond to my home has been severed. Apart from the trauma of losing my best friend, it's like another little piece of home is gone too.

It has been almost 4 months, and though I am doing much better, it is still incredibly painful to think about. He was sick for only 2 weeks before he died. He had a splenectomy but never recovered from that, as the cancer was obviously elsewhere in his body and not isolated to his spleen. He died only 5 days after taht surgery which he seemed to be making a very good recovery from. I took him to the vet that morning, I was with him when he died and I got to say goodbye. It was quick and painless for him, I didn't have to make the decision we all dread. He waited for me - he died within an hour of me finding him lying down stairs that morning. I truly believed he waited for me. He died in my arms at the vet while they were trying to stabilize him.

We got results back from his splenectomy a week after he passed. The vet said she had never seen cancer this aggressive in a dog before. She said the absolute BEST case scenario if he had survived would have been maybe 3 months with some really strong chemotherapy. She said he was most definately terminal - the chemo just may have extended his life. Now I am glad he didn't have to go through that or have us make that awful decision. I am so thankful that my beautiful little boy spared me of that further pain.

So as you can see, there are so many positives. Why why why can I not focus on those but just focus on the bad stuff? Your comments would be much appreciated.

Matte · 01-29-2008, 01:00 PM

Since October is not a very long time. You had Jade for 7 years, it will take at least as many months for the first sting to go away. And I know how hard it is to live away from your home country and that its hard to lose even small things that tie you there, hard sometimes to even throw out a shirt that you got "back home", to lose something as enormously important as another living creature that lived there with you must be awful.

You are still in the first pain of this and it happened so fast that you didn't have any time for grieving before. Give yourself time. The pain will fade and the joy of what you had with Jade will fill the space that the pain leaves behind. The happiness that he gave you comes through the clouds of what you wrote about his illness like little bursts of sunshine. Right now your eyes are filled with rain and all you see is the clouds, but your husband and friends who understand are outside of the rain know that the sunshine will come to you too.

LMH · 01-29-2008, 04:28 PM

That is bringing tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you lost your best friend. She sounds like she lived a full and happy life with you.

ChrissyBz · 01-29-2008, 04:38 PM

I still cry when I think about Tessa,and she's been gone since 2003.

Sugar Daddy Otis · 01-29-2008, 04:39 PM

I feel for you- I know just what you mean- I lost my Mastiff Brutus in August and I still cry almost daily! As how long does it take goes- I can't say- but I think It will take a long time, because you will never stop thinking about him- nor will I about Brutus. I have great support from family and friends that loved him so much, too. He was the one there with me in all of my life changes and was my bestest buddy ever. I knew it would be hard, but never thought it would be this hard when he left. The house isn't the same, daily routine is not the same- nothing is the same...Hang in there-just remember you will see him again someday!

Inga · 01-29-2008, 04:44 PM

I still miss my dog that has been gone for years. It does get easier but it does not go away. For me, it is worth all the sadness to remember all the happiness with them. This has been a hard year for me. I lost 3 of my dogs in one year. One to old age, one to stroke at age 3 and one 5 months old because of an internal deformation. None of them were easy but I wouldn't trade a second of the happy memories to get rid of the pain. That is why dogs are so special, they dig themselves deep into our hearts and souls. I am sorry for your loss. I know what that "Special" dog is like to lose also.

digits mama · 01-29-2008, 04:48 PM

I wish I could understand the same. All we can do is know that he is a better place. Nothing hurts worse than losing your best freind. I just hug my dogs more everyday. I dont take anything forgranted. And I try to be a better person so I can be with them one day. Huggs.

Ruby'sMum · 01-31-2008, 12:27 PM

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and comments. It is a huge help for me to know that I am not alone and that you all understand. I am just trying to focus on the positives and the happy times I had with him and channel some of that left over love in to my new shelter dog, Teddy, and my other baby, Ruby. Thanks again, very much appreciated.

shell07 · 01-31-2008, 04:38 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Animals are not just pets-they are our family; our kids, our precious babies! Anyone who says an animal has not touched their heart has not been a pet owner. It does get easier..It will take a while, but each day is a new step towards healing. October really was only just a short while ago-let yourself have this time to mourn. With such a quick progressing cancer I can see why it has been so hard on you-the shock of something just popping up without notice and taking over is horrific. I have been dog sitting for friends since November-and we recently had to put one of them to sleep because he all of a sudden turned ill- the diagnosis; malignant melanoma on his foot and rear. He had been on antibiotics for a month (for his foot) before he came here, and they were curious if it was cancer because the meds. just didn't seem to help. Anyway, his mom and dad (Mother and Son) came back from vacation to be here to put him to sleep, and spending just the 2 months with him was hard because of course I fell in love with him..he looks a lot like your pup in the pic...he is resting in our Pet Cemetery on our property here with all our beloved pets. It has been almost a year since we had to put our Dalmatian to sleep too-she had a large progressing tumor in her chest and it wasn't operable, so we decided to put her to rest too. THAT is still hard on me. Sometimes I will look at the sun coming in through the window and think of how she would have been right there in the middle of it laying on her pillow, or if there is a warm day how she would have loved to go for a walk..the little things..but I also smile because she IS at peace and not in pain..that is what makes the tears go away-for a while. I am sorry, thank goodness you have your Teddy now, who is very lucky to have a Mom that has such a big heart! I also got a puppy;a Yorkie, (which I have wanted since I was a teen) 3 months after my Lady passed on..it was time, and I really needed him, just as much as he needed me. Remember your other pups are probably missing him as much as you..it will get easier, I promise. Rest in Peace Jade

Ruby'sMum · 02-01-2008, 06:44 PM

Thank you, Shell07, thank you so much. Your words truly touched my heart. I don't feel so alone anymore and that is everything to me. Thank you.

BriMac35 · 02-03-2008, 08:32 AM

It's been over a year since we lost our chow Jasmine . I still think about her all the time . I set down not long ago and wrote this for her to have it engraved on a marker for in the back yard ( I've posted it in another thread but I'll post it again). I still go out back and talk to her .

For Jasmine

After a year , we still mourn your loss .
Until we find you again , at that bridge we must cross .

You are up there waiting , young and healthy again .
and I'm down here thinking how I miss my best friend .

Since you are gone , it's just not the same .
When the house is all quiet I still call your name .

The spot is empty where you used to lay .
I find myself stepping over you every few days .

When I walk through the yard thinking of you .
I feel you beside me , walking there too .

Not a day goes by that your not on my mind .
So beautiful and gentle , loving and kind .

I have a new dog , for that I must confess .
But none can ever take your place , for you were the best .

I wish to God that we did not have to part ,
But I want you to know that you have a piece of my heart .

When I'm am gone , don't cry for my loss .
You know where you will find me ,waiting for you with my best friend
..........At the bridge we all must cross .............

I still miss her to this day but I'm happy of the time we had together and she will always be the one above all others . That's her in the picture on the far right .

Ruby'sMum · 02-04-2008, 02:58 PM

Awwwwwwwww I loved your poem, what a great dedication to your baby. What a beautiful beautiful dog she was. A chow mix named Teddy just rescued me not long after we lost Jade. He was about to be put to sleep in a few days and I thought if ANY positive can come of this, then it's saving another beautiful dog's life. Thank you for sharing your heart and I too know that I will see Jade again one day. I have to just keeping thinking about how much he hated it when I was sad and try to be happy for him. I know he is still around me, I have no doubt about that.

Love's_Sophie · 02-17-2008, 12:39 AM

I am going to be brutally honest...unless you are a heartless emotionless person who doesn't get attached to a being, losing someone will NEVER get easier!!!

Grieve...sometimes it takes a longer time to heal; I won't say you will ever get over your dog, because you won't...we retain memories for a reason; to remind us of good they have given us! Unfortunately pain, also, strangely, keeps us humanly humble, and intouch with our emotional side in a way that, if it were completely removed from us...well, we wouldn't feel anything.

I had to say good bye to one of my kitties back in November, and I still mourn; there are just days that I miss Jade's (yes, same name as your Aussie), presence! He meant so much to me...brought so much joy and love to my life; I have three other kitties, but he was special...just as each of the other three girls I have are! Each pet we have takes his own place in our heart, and when they leave, there is always a void left behind...nothing we do can fill that particular void; other pets may come in, but they fill their own spot. So mourn...because your dog was not just a dog!