I am so horribly lost right now

willisandtravis · 12-13-2007, 01:36 PM

Two weeks ago this Saturday we had our beloved boxer, Willis, put to sleep. He had colon cancer and was bleeding rectally, even dripping all over the place. He had a swollen heart with irregular heart rhythm. He went from 68 pounds to 50 pounds in 6 months.

Anyhow, I can't talk to my DH about this because it kills him every time I try. We've had him since he was a puppy, and I remember him jumping straight up in the air and sleeping on our bed with us. He was 10, almost 11.

I didn't think I would feel so heartbroken. I regret putting him to sleep, though I felt at peace with the decision beforehand. I miss him so much, so, so, so much. My face is wet with tears. I just read that Rainbow Bridge poem, and I want so much to see him again. My Willis, I miss you so much, and no one will ever know because no one wants to hear me cry.

Was it the right thing to do? Please someone tell me it was.

He couldn't stay in the house with us anymore because he would leave little puddles of anal blood on the floor, and we have a 9-m/o baby crawling around. It was getting cold, and he would cry and cry at the door, wanting to come in. I'm sobbing here. I miss him so much, and I want him back, but I know (obviously) it can never be. Please talk to me someone. Julie.

MyMambo · 12-13-2007, 02:27 PM

Man, I am new.However I canunderstand your pain. I believe you did the right thing. He was hurting in our world and can now run free and is no longer in pain. I am sure he knew how hard it was for you to let him go, He will not get to be your angel and look over until the day you meet again. I am so sorry for your loss and wish I could make your pain stop.

((((HUGS))))

digits mama · 12-13-2007, 03:24 PM

willisandtravis....You have done an admirable thing for willis. You didnt do anything wrong..Keeping him from suffering is a selfless act. You gave him a wonderful life. And putting him down to rest is something noone wants to go thru..Just rely on those beautiful memories you have of him to keep you strong.

This is the perfect place to come and cry. I know I have done it countless times and still do just about everyday. One thing about this place is it creates a peaceful place to come and talk about our pets where there is hundreds of others that really care.

So sorry you are going thru this and time will make things better. Hes in a better place now..God Bless.

Dieselboxers · 12-13-2007, 08:10 PM

I am so very sorry.....................Truly my heart breaks for you. My Husband and I had to put two of our Boxers down within two years of each other, thats just wrong, it's too hard.
I have had theese same feelings, especially after Dylan (our first Boxer we had to put down) I felt like if I could just explain to him that we didn't want him to suffer, he deserved so much more than to be kept around for selfish reasons, I couldn't tell him so he understood, but, I told him and he knew how very much we loved him, with Roxie it wasn't any easier and I was angry I had to do this again. I owed them, Dylan had a tumor in his spine that spread, he dragged his back leg for a couple of days, I couldn't let it go on, Roxie bled through her nose , it was a nasal tumor, she would have bled to death. You loved him, he knows it, how lucky he is to have you, what a wonderful unselfish thing you did. Time heals all, Im sorry to say, those things I didn't wanna hear, but, It's true, and while you will never forget it does get a bit better, I still cry often, thats ok. I am sorry, you and yours will be in my thoughts.

terryjeanne · 12-13-2007, 08:51 PM

It is so hard when your heart hurts

Don't ever question your decision to end Willis' suffering. Painful as it is, it was the right choice.
I still cry for the sheltie I put to sleep last fall. I found out on the Friday he wouldn't get better, took him home for the weekend and went back for a final visit on Monday. I cried all weekend--I tried not to in front of him in case he felt my sadness. Dumb, I know.
He already had the IV needle still in so he didn't have to get a new needle on Monday. It's strange, but I have absolutely no regret about euthanizing him. THere was no way I was going to let him suffer and see his life going downhill.

I see his picture in my daughter's room and now I can smile--abeit a sad one

((((((HUGS)))) for you.

willisandtravis · 12-14-2007, 06:34 AM

Thank you so much for replying. Your words truly help me. It's like I'm going through a cloud and I know there will be sunshine again, but its just getting through the haze. We have another boxer, Travis, who is 7, who is sad, but eating. He has about 5 tumors in different places, but the vet guesses them to be all benign. It feels really good to get this out, where if I talk to someone I know, it's harder because I feel I can't cry in front of them, especially DH because his heart is just as broken as mine.

I stared at Willis' picture yesterday, a picture taken the day before he died. Its of me hugging him, and he looks so beautiful, albiet skinny. I hadn't been able to look at that picture until yesterday, so maybe I'm healing already. We've decided to wait on another dog for a long while, but when we do, we'll most likely get a rescue boxer or something. Anyhow, thanks so much for your wise words, they are really holding me up.

Roscosmom · 12-14-2007, 10:04 AM

I'm sorry for your loss and pain, Julie. My heart just breaks for you. Try to keep your chin up and take it day by day. Know that he's right there beside you in spirit.

crazydays · 12-16-2007, 07:22 AM

Julie- just a quick response to say I am so sorry about Willis. This is a wonderful forum where you can share your sadness with others "who get it!".
Take Care, Kathy

sobreeze · 12-16-2007, 10:26 AM

Let me say first I am very sorry for the loss of your best friend . We love these furkids so much we sometimes forget they dont have as long a life span as we do .As we give our heart to them compleatly then at somepoint we have to help them with there older years and sometimes make a choice that hurts so much. I do fostering for a rescue and along with 2 of my own and older furkids I have 2 older fosters all 11 to 14 years old. Its a hard choice but has to be done because we love them so much . I have had many dogs in my life and loved them all remember the good times and the warmth of the love they gave so freely stay strong .

Inga · 12-16-2007, 10:35 AM

I am very sorry for your loss. We, unfortunately, know exactly that feeling of a broken heart over the loss of a much loved pet. I have sadly felt it 3 times this year. I cannot say anything to make your heart feel any better but I can tell you that in putting your dog to sleep when he was suffering was the kindest of all things you could have done for him. So many people do not want to put their dogs to sleep but in a situation like this it proves that you loved him more then yourself at that moment. You thought of him before yourself and that is not easy. Keeping your dog alive just so you don't have to feel the pain of loss is actually a cruelty to your dog. God Bless you during your difficult time.

willisandtravis · 01-01-2008, 03:56 PM

I bought a beautiful frame for Willis' picture. I can't quite get myself to put his picture in it yet and put it out, and I definitely have to make sure DH's heart is okay with it, but I was happy to at least get that frame. Silly, I know. I think about him often still. I'm not looking out the door for him as I did in the beginning. I kept looking at the door and imagining him there. I kept telling myself "why am I torturing myself?"

We had to put our other dog, Travis, in the kennel over Christmas after trying to figure out how to bring him with us. I even had tears in my eyes for him being all alone after he lost his life-long buddy. He was really skinny when we got him out, as he only picked at his food while there. He's gaining the weight back now, though, and is playing with us again. He won't go out very long by himself. He used to stay outside with Willis when Willis was bleeding and couldn't be in the house.

Anyhow, I think I'm going to now go pick out a picture of Willis to put in that new frame. I can't put it up yet, but now I know that the day will come and I can smile fondly at his picture again.

In memory of Willis ~ 1997 to 2007 . . . We miss you big guy . . .

ChrissyBz · 01-01-2008, 04:13 PM

It sounds like you're dealing with his loss in a healthy and very normal way. Your sadness will last a long time. But better memories, in time, will begin to come to the forefront rather than the overwhelming sadness you're now experiencing. When you're ready you'll put his picture up.

Mudra · 01-01-2008, 10:54 PM

Im sorry about your loss.

trvlgirl1 · 01-03-2008, 07:57 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first best friend,my Lhasa named April. She was 15 1/2 and she lost her fight with congestive heart failure. I went the first 3 months always wondering if keeping her at the vet for the week was the right thing. Or if the last time on a wed I saw her and never took her home, was the last thought in her mind that I didint want her anymore. She died the morning I was to bring her home to be "comfortable" When I saw her on Wed I told her it was okay to go.
I am sure our babies know that we love them. You baby did too and knew how hard it was for you. He is watching you now waiting for you to meet again. He is no longer in pain and is happy and healthy again. I believe that. I used to read tons of those passages that are written to help humans cope with the loss of our canine and feline friends.
I wish you a speedy healing and a wonderful realization that he is not gone, only in a different place.....

ILuvCanines · 01-05-2008, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willisandtravis

Was it the right thing to do? Please someone tell me it was.

He couldn't stay in the house with us anymore because he would leave little puddles of anal blood on the floor, and we have a 9-m/o baby crawling around. It was getting cold, and he would cry and cry at the door, wanting to come in. I'm sobbing here. I miss him so much, and I want him back, but I know (obviously) it can never be.

Of course it was the right thing to do. It was the ONLY thing to do. You would not have wanted to see him suffer, and when you really love an animal, it is the one of the greatest gifts we can give our pets.

I only wish we could make that decision for our selves while we have the presence of mind to make that informed decision.

When the pain dulls a little, and time eases the hurt, you will be able to laugh and enjoy the good memories of Willis.

http://iluvcanines.tripod.com/index.html

Ruby'sMum · 01-29-2008, 12:23 PM

It was the ONLY thing to do. I hope you know that deep in your heart. You loved him and gave him the most special thing - an end to his suffering. Obviously he had a wonderful wonderful life. If only all dogs were so fortunate to have an owner like you. The world would be a better place. I am so heartbroken for your loss, I know your pain also and just want to say that as devastating it is, it is worth it. There are so many unloved and abused dogs in this world and if we can save just one from that kind of sadness then it is all worth it. You did a very brave and unselfish thing, I applaud you. Take care, Suzie.