how do you know when it's the right time?

sunny407

I almost can't believe I'm even writing this message.

I never thought I could even get to the point where I would think of putting my dog down. I don't know what to do.

But to make a long story short, this is more MY problem than my dogs' problem.

My terrier, Elizabeth, 16 1/2 years old, was diagnosed with bladder cancer a year and a half ago. She has beaten the odds and is still ticking all these months later.

Elizabeth sleeps a great deal these days. She is not in pain. During her hours I take her to the park downstairs and she loves to sit and sniff the breeze, and bark at the squirrels. In many ways her sweet little loving personality is the same as always. She is super affectionate and would kiss me all day long if I would let her!

So you see it's very difficult to justify putting her down. Why am I even thinking this way?

I'm almost desperate. Elizabeth is incontinent. Due to her condition she can't do a number two once a day. It comes out one teaspoon at a time, every half hour or so, alllllll dayyyyy lonnnngggg.

I am a working lady and also single. There is nobody here to help me. I keep Elizabeth and her twin sister, Katie (who is now completely blind and also having a lot of accidents) penned up in a gated section next to my bed, with lots of disposable bed pads on the floor.

Every morning I wake up to a huge mess of diarreah and wee. I spend 30- 45 minutes dealing with that, giving the girls their meds, and fixing their breakfast, before I can even have my coffee.

Then while I'm having my coffee there are more accidents to clean up, so I'm always up and down.

When I get out of work at 3 p.m. (I'm a teacher), I go straight home and find these awful messes of blood and diarreah and urine all over the pads.

Bless my girls' hearts, sometimes they accidently step in their number two, so of course I have to clean them up.

Then outside to the park so they can stretch their legs and get some fresh air. Then back inside to do a whole bunch of laundry -- dog diapers, bed blankets that they lie on, etc. And there are plenty of trips to the store for refills on doggie meds and bed pads.

I feel I'm running a doggie nursing center. The girls sleep most of the time so I feel like they are in their nursing center years. They still have their moments of being frisky and happy, but they aren't even awake most of the day.

These girls have been my babies since 1992. They have been my best, best friends through thick and thin. It breaks my heart to think of letting go!


Please don't think I'm a horrible person for saying this, but mommy is TIRED.... as I mentioned, I am a single lady. Most of my close friends have moved away in recent years and my social life is dwindling down to zip.

I recently lost my house to foreclosure because of all the loans I had taken out to try to afford everything. I am sure I have spent at least $25,000 -- at LEAST --- on all of my girls' vet bills and operations over the past 6 years or so, and that is part of the reason I went into debt.

I have sacrificed and sacrificed. I am now 46 years old and have no relationship. I spend approximately $350 a month on my dogs and haven't been on a vacation in seven years. I don't feel free to go out in the evening and participate in church or social groups because by the time I tend to my girls, I'm tired and it's already getting to be 6 p.m. or so. each morning. I would love to get out there and maybe start dating, go on match.com, or SOMETHING.

I look at my girls and wonder sometimes if it's just time to let go. Katie, the blind one, is happiest when she is sleeping. She tends to be nervous and scared a lot. She shivers over the slightest noise. I think it's because she can't see. Both of them sleep a great deal. They have had long, happy lives. Is it possible that it would be OK for them to go out on a high note? Before they're in pain or before something bad happens?

I almost keep wishfully looking for signs.

I guess I'm really just venting and getting it all off my chest. But mommy wants to be free and have her life back, even though I dread the thought of a silent, quiet apartment with NO PUPS when I get home (!!!!).

If anyone has been in a situation where they didn't know whether to put their pets to sleep, I'd love to hear your input on how you coped with the process and how you did or didn't make your decision. Thanks --- and sorry for my long rambling message!

natureloverchris

I don't think you're awful. I know how painful it is and it's clear you care.

Almost a year ago I had to put my sweet, gentle cat down. I agonized over the decision. She had kidney disease and it was getting harder and harder to give her the subcutaneous fluids. She had good days and bad days.. People tell you, "you'll know when it's time." They talk about how you're pet will let you know. Maybe sometimes there's a clear sign. For Grumbles-cat there really wasn't. In fact I'd made the decision and then she had a better day. She seemed to be fighting again. I went back to agonizing. I cuddled up on the couch with her and we dozed and somewhere in there I realized that there was going to be no clear sign for me. That the only way I could be "sure" is if she was in absolutely horrible shape and it didn't seem fair to do that to her. So we enjoyed our good day today. She even ate some and then I let her go. A year later, it seems right. I don't have any regrets.

The horrible thing about this is you have to make the decision. We can share our stories but you are the one making the choice. I think maybe, you already know what that choice is. It's can be very hard to let go.

((((((hugs))))

Keenan

I know the type of situation you're in. I made a post a few days ago concerning my terrior mix that my mother and father were looking after since I've moved out. She was also 16 years old and for the past several months symptoms such as lethargy, trouble walking, and loss of appetite began to show themselves. We simply assumed it was because she was getting older.

Unfortunately the past couple of weeks we noticed she had lost nearly 5 pounds and was drinking profusely without much of an appetite to go with it. My mother took her to the vet yesterday and they ran some blood test, she was diagnosed with kidney failure and the vet guessed at the rate she was going she wouldn't last any more than a few more weeks.

It was a heartbreaking decision, but my father took her in this morning to have her put down. He told me how he held her in his arms as she fell asleep and I have never felt so terrible as I did at that moment. It's been nearly two years since I've seen her, but the effect was as great as if she had been living with me for the entire time. I had gotten her when I was only 12 years old and we basically grew up together. She truely was one of my best friends, even though it may sound cliche.

I regret I wasn't able to see he one last time before she passed, and it's especially painful because I'm going to visit my parents in two weeks and I was really looking forward to being able to see her again. In hindsite, this is the best thing we could have done. As painful as it was/is, knowing that she is no longer suffering is the most important thing in the end

Wimble Woof

I'm so sorry you are going through this {{{hugs}}}
The only "corny" advice I have for you is, YOU will know when its time...

I hated getting that advice, at times I wished someone out here in internet land would say to me "Wimble, its time" but they never did, and I was never sure.
2 years I debated this decision with my sweet Puppy man, the worlds sweetest rescue EVAH (RIP big guy we all still miss you so much) One day, I "knew" it was time.
His quality of life had slipped away, and unfortunately he did pass without his dignity. I waited too long.
Sure he wasnt suffering per se through the 2 years, but he was slowly unable to do the things he loved, he was unable to control his bowel movements therefore his dignity had left. I could tell, he seemed to have the look of embarasment or frustration when his accidents would occur (they were few and far between, but only once you could see his eyes and the expression he had afterwards can you tell me dogs dont feel emotions like we do)
The decision with Puppy man was the hardest decision I have ever made, I still regret things from time to time, but he is happy now, running on his spirit legs that have no HD, ED or arthritis.
I'm happy that he is finally "free"

Again, Sunny I am so sorry I can not say flat out "its time" or not, only you will know for sure.

If I were you, I'd write down a list of the things your sweet dog once did, and things you would never want to see your dog go through (sometimes we do keep them alive for our own selfish reasons, its a sad reality that is hard to accept but we do have the tendancy) Once you have your list compiled, figure out what your dog can still do, and see if the dignity is still there or not.
After what I went through with Puppy Man, I wrote out these lists for each of my dogs and gave it to my vet and said "once you see that my dogs can no longer do these things tell me" It helps to have a "non attached" set of eyes looking over your dog to help you with your decision.

Good luck figuring out what to do from here. Its hard, VERY hard, but in the end it is YOUR decision, dont worry what others may think. YOU know YOUR dogs unlike any other.

{{{hugs}}}

Patches' Pet

Aww, I can't help, but you are in my prayers! HUGS!

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sunny407

That is exactly it.

Poor Elizabeth accidently does her number two next to her bed. Then the poor thing tries to use her paws to ruffle up the bed pads to cover up her accident.

I have gotten frustrated and upset a couple of times, and I immediatley felt horrible when I saw how Elizabeth just stood there with her head hanging.

I don't lose my temper anymore. But I just feel awful about this.

The girls are spending 95 percent of their life cooped up in a penned area with disposable bed pads all over the floor. They might as well be in a crate all day long and all night long!

The other day I came home from work, and poor Katie had tried to jump up on the bed while I was gone. The bed has always been her absolute favorite place to snuggle and nap. Of course her little legs will not let her jump that far. But she had accidentally stepped in the number two, and then tried to jump up on the bed. I came home and found her little poo-smeared paw prints all over the side of the bedspread, where she had tried repeatedly to jump up.

I've made a doggie bed for her on the floor in her gated area, but she doesn't like it as much.

It's just killing me to have to watch them live like this, and yet I can't bear the idea of letting go. But I know our time together is growing shorter and shorter.

It really helps to be able to talk with you guys online about this. I do not have very many friends who understand. A lot of my friends make insensitive comments, so at this point I'm not sharing any of this with them. There is a very short list of people in my life who understand. So, being able to come to this board means a lot. Thank you to everyone who has responded. I am starting to think that I may send them to the rainbow bridge in about three weeks when I go on vacation. Because that way, I' won't have to think about going to work when I am in grief. I can just stay in bed the whole week and cry my heart out. It sickens me to think of it.

Wimble Woof

What ever decision you make, know you're not alone. We have either all been there or are going to be there one day.

These boards are great for finding the sensitive side of people when you need it.

Stay strong and enjoy your pooches.

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