Thinking of re-homing :(

CrzyBritNAmerica · 10-11-2007, 12:26 AM

So I am sure that all of you (well everyone who is still here since I joined way back) knows how I feel about re-homing animals. I have heard some pretty lame and disturbing reasons for people re-homing, but I have heard the fair few that were good reasons. Anyway, just putting that out there so you guys don't have the wrong impression.

We have had Luna, our younger cat, for almost a year and it is clear that she is just miserable. It breaks my heart every day that she cannot relax!

From the off she has been nervous of Bridgette (the dog) and things have not gotten much better, if anything worse. The cats have their own room so they have a place to go that the dog isn't allowed, but obviously she wants to be out sometimes, we think anyway.

She'll come and try to hang out in the living room but she never relaxes. It's not even just Bridgette either. If one of us gets up to even walk across the room she is right up and taking off. She seems stressed out all the time and I think that it would honestly be in her best interest to find someone who could give her a less stressful home.

Being that its me I would either want to know the adoptee or have some extensive meetings beforehand. However, I WILL NOT be taking her to a shelter regardless. I work at a vet so I know a lot of the clients and think I can find someone willing to take her...I am debating asking someone whose cat passed away a couple months ago as she mentioned wanting a new one now.

Anyway, just wondering really if anyone has had a situation like this...where a new (ish) animal just wasn't fitting in and feeling 'at home' at home. It breaks my heart to even think of this, but I just can't stand seeing her so unhappy!

Katzyn · 10-11-2007, 01:45 AM

I haven't really had that kind of problem, except with one cat. She was a stray, but tame, and we brought her in to live with us and our five other cats. Well, we had to keep her locked up in my room after it was discovered that not only did she have a serious ringworm infection, but she wasn't spayed. She was locked up with me for a couple of months, actually, and when we finally got to let her out again, into the rest of the house, the other cats immediately started harassing her constantly.

Now, years later, she has adapted. =3 She is the only cat that can leap to the top of the ~9-10 foot tall linen's closet in my parents' bathroom (SillyLilyKitty can attest to this). She spends quite a bit of her time there during the day, unless she feels like rebelling against the other cats. *giggles*

Now, she even kinda defends herself, but she usually just disappears silently. When she's out in the room, though, she's fully relaxed, even though she's also fully aware of anything and everything that goes on in the room.

But in your case, re-homing would probably be best, especially with a friend, or someone you can get to know before you re-home her. Some cats just will never relax with certain situations, and this situation, coupled with this certain cat, just may never be resolved. (My newest kitten is TERRIFIED of dogs, even little dogs, and I don't think that'll ever go away...=/)

lovemygreys · 10-11-2007, 08:12 AM

Hmm....well, I do own cats but am not a cat behavior expert by any means...but here's my two cents. We have four cats that live in our kennel building. They have their own room (well, they share it with the rabbits) and access to the entire building when we aren't turning out dogs. Two of our cats love people. They love to be picked up and held and cuddled. One of those two loves dogs and I will allow him out with some of our cat safe dogs. The other two of our cats care about people only in the sense that I put their food down for them and clean out their litter boxes.

If I move towards them to pick them up, they'll puff up and run away 97% of the time. However, if I sit very still on the sofa they will sometimes walk up and rub on my legs or even occasionally jump on my lap for 3.673 seconds of petting. One of our "independent" cats is not very fond of dogs and when the kennel has a particularly barky dog, she'll spend the majority of her time in the "cat room."

My conclusion is that cats just have all sorts of personalities. Some are higher strung than others. Indy will puff up and bolt into hiding at the slightest loud noise or quick movement. A bomb could go off next to Cheddar and he'd probably roll over on his back and swat at the smoke. But, as high strung and anti-social as Indy (and to some extent Jeenks) is, it's never occured to me that she's miserable. She doesn't demonstrate the same behavior as the "more friendly" cats, but she eats well, uses the litter boxes just fine and will chase a fly all over the building (she lives to hunt!).

So, I guess what I'm trying to get at is do you think your cat is truly miserable, or is she just a high strung cat and what you are seeing is simply her personality?

CrzyBritNAmerica · 10-11-2007, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovemygreys

So, I guess what I'm trying to get at is do you think your cat is truly miserable, or is she just a high strung cat and what you are seeing is simply her personality?

That's a very good point lovemygreys. However the main reason I have come to think she is miserable is because she wasn't always like this.

She never liked Bridgette, but she did want to be around people at first and it seems to me anyway, like her fear of Bridgette has pushed her away from people as well.

I honestly don't know near enough about cats as dogs so I don't know if I am completely right, but she really doesn't seem happy to me. That and before she would just ignore Bridgette, but now she has taken to running up to the sleeping dog and basically attacking her....I don't get that at all, but its pretty unacceptable considering the work it took to get Bridgette to leave her alone in the first place.

At first I thought it was some kind of play, but the last time had Bridgette squealing and hiding under my bed

I honestly don't get it. That being said, I will only be re-homing her if something comes up. If I can't find a friend or (good) client at work that would like a cat she will be staying with us.

nlkeple · 10-11-2007, 10:56 AM

I have 3 cats two of them are very laid back and easygoing. They are not at all fearful of anything. Then there is Princess Kitty. We took her in when another family was going to bring her to the pound (this seems to be the story of my life) anyways she was really shy when we first got her, and no matter what we do she it still shy (she has been with us for a year). She spends a lot of the day in her bed. she does enjoy being able to rub on our legs but if we bend down to pet her while she rubs on our legs she runs away. She does not want to be pet, or held at all. I do not know her history other than her last family wanted to send her to the pound. In the evening after the kids are in bed, I put the other cats in my room for an hour so that she has time all to herself. I give her wet food, cat treats, and put out a lot of toys so that she has quality time with us every night, and while she will play with the toys and on the catnip scratch pad, if we try to play with her she just runs away. It breaks my heart that she has so much anxiety, but I know that rehoming princess kitty would just cause her more trauma.

Now my situation is different because Lady doesn't seem to have any interest in the cats unless the cats initiate play, and princess kitty doesn't seem to have any issues with dogs (in fact she prefers them to people). These differences are significant when it comes to deciding whether or not to re-home. I think that only you can know for sure what is best for your little kitty, but if you do decide to re-home it is important to screen the new owner carefully and it sounds like you are in a position to do just that.

All the best, and warm wishes for your kitty.

NorthernLights · 10-11-2007, 12:14 PM

Some cats will never ever like dogs, no matter how long they've had to adjust.

Since you know her personality better then anyone, and its your feeling that she's miserable, I don't see a problem with rehoming.

I have a cat and two kittens, and I can tell you that cats take forever to adjust to changes. I've just been blessed with laid back cats, so even if they're stressed they don't react badly.

I think at this point it seems kinder to put her in a home where she'll be an only cat.

However, if I may suggest some natural remedies- Feliway creates scents that are supposed to be relaxing to cats. http://www.feliway.com/feliway_us.nsf/Page?OpenForm

It is supposed to reduce if not eliminate aggression from stressed out kitties.

Good luck!

~North

workingdog · 10-11-2007, 06:18 PM

just recently i had to rehome my pom and i hated to do it but it was what was right for him not me.I own bigger dogs and all of them got along with the pom but the pom sometimes would feel threated(for lack of a better word) and would nip at the other dogs.In my eyes it was an accident waiting to happen if one of the dogs decided that they would not put up with him nipping anymore.I was worried for the pom and on pens and needles all the time.So he went to my moms that has 5 cats.Now the pom thinks he's a cat and all is well and the best part is he is still part of my family.At frist i regreted it but in the end i know it was the right thing to do and it is working out great.

nlkeple · 10-11-2007, 09:46 PM

That is actually a good point. Some times a new home can be a great thing (I know that is not the politically correct thing to say but it is true). I just got Lady and her previous owners worked long days, and while she was never poorly cared for, I think that her new home is definitely an upgrade for her life (at least I'd like to think so). Of course she misses her old family too, but I really thinks she understands that they did the best thing for her which was to find someone who had a lot more time for her.

CrzyBritNAmerica · 10-11-2007, 10:14 PM

Thanks so much for all the advice guys! I might look into that feliway Snowshoe...thanks!

Its really hard for me too, I love her and want her to stay but it seems like everyday she seems less and less comfortable here and I do want to put her needs first. It does seem like she would be happier in a home with no dog, but like I said I won't be doing anything unless someone comes along that fits. Someone today at work mentioned her dad wanting a new cat, but I won't have her be an indoor/outdoor cat so I can't do that.

workingdog: I have the same fear! I cannot in my life imagine Bridge hurting the cat, but you NEVER know! I mean gosh she was attacked and just lay there yelping and peeing everywhere. But even so ALL dogs have a threshold and I wouldn't want her to hit that and turn and fight back one day when she is attacked by the cat. Even with her EXTREME lack of prey drive (lol) it could happen...which is why they are never left unattended anyway.

So we'll see I suppose. I am not posting flyers or anything like that; barely even mentioning it, but if someone comes along then we may make the decision.